How a Narcissist is Created

Uncover how narcissists are made with Dr. Ramani’s expert insights. Explore the developmental factors and psychological processes that contribute to narcissistic personality traits. Learn about the early influences and environmental conditions that shape narcissistic behavior. Gain a deeper understanding of the origins of narcissism and how these factors impact relationships and personal development. Dr. Ramani offers valuable explanations to help you grasp the complexities of narcissistic formation.

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

Andrew McLaurin
 

  • @lydias.coaching says:

    It may not be their fault that they ended up a narcissist but us being their punching bag is not going to fix it.

    • @PersonalGrowthNow says:

      Precisely.

    • @ankicazander3464 says:

      Hm.
      If one is surrounded by narcissists, he or she will probably adapt some of narcissistic behavior and not even realize it’s hurting others. If one is among narcissist, there always will be that need for validation because they were always devalued but once removed from narcissistic environment, that behavior might change because the person can be herself/himself without fear of being devalued at all times.
      Maybe there is hope, at least for some.

    • @malliekai9694 says:

      Exactly!!!

    • @samuelsurbrook1428 says:

      Right on.

    • @mitchh3092 says:

      ​@@ankicazander3464 I think what you’re referring to is ‘fleas’. The nasty behavior you pick up from an abuser without realizing it. That’s MUCH more treatable than a core personality issue, unfortunately, so the hope for full-blown narcissists is slim.

  • @chieromancer says:

    I think anyone who has a child should be required to take parenting classes.

  • @soundexperience5179 says:

    “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” Frederick Douglass

    • @june-mariehamilton5455 says:

      Beautifully said

    • @tdang9528 says:

      Define broken?

    • @reelfly says:

      @@tdang9528 I take it, you didn’t watch the video?

    • @LuxMeow says:

      Define strong children. I was a strong child and now a strong adult and still ended up with BPD.

    • @soundexperience5179 says:

      @@LuxMeow Do you refer to yourself personally strong as in strong-willed or strong in resolve or resiliency?  I would suggest that strength defined in that quote as an attribute of character, not physical strength. One who has not only been allowed, but encouraged to express themselves, to have a voice or opinion, validated, to be heard, and also acknowledge differing opinions. How many of us were constantly dismissed and invalidated by narcissistic parents who would say things like “children should be seen and not heard”. That message over time can develop an inferiority complex into adulthood.

  • @JasonPhillips30 says:

    As Carl Jung once said: Most people never make it out of adolescence.

  • @missminti says:

    Never met a narcissist that had a normal relationship with their mother.

  • @jolesliewhitten6545 says:

    I survived a narcissistic husband—barely. They DO NOT IMPROVE. They get worse and worse. Plan quietly and run.

    • @kdbee6086 says:

      In the process of divorcing one after 31 years. You are 100% right. They just keep getting worse.

    • @jolesliewhitten6545 says:

      @@kdbee6086 , be SAFE! Be very aware.

    • @m.anneblack2908 says:

      I was trapped 19 years in a marriage with a “certified” narcissist. They ONLY get worse and destroys the entire family. LEAVE is the only answer.

    • @livvyjos says:

      @@kdbee6086 omg I thought my story was bad… 25 years here, still in separation stage but definitely getting a divorce. He split with me in January ‘21 and it’s now May and he hasn’t mentioned doing anything to separate properly, except the other week, where he mentioned he doesn’t want to get lawyers involved and keep it amicable when i had to ask him some questions for my Social Security form. That’s it. He is going to make me do all the work, as per usual. So glad it’s over, can’t wait for my freedom back.

    • @temirene says:

      @@livvyjos Same thing happened to me. I’ve found they don’t want any third party involved that can’t be triangulated.

      Goodluck on your journey to freedom.

  • @user-bt9by6kx6j says:

    Love when she said an adult narcissistic tantrum can put a 3 year old to shame so true!!

  • @cindyhutchins9216 says:

    When I told my mother I was getting a divorce she got angry and yelled “how do you think that makes me feel?” That was the moment I knew what I was dealing with.

    • @isabeauvollhardt430 says:

      my condolences.

    • @rebekahguilder602 says:

      Ugh. I’ve seen this before with narcissistic mothers.

    • @marazampariolo3200 says:

      Sounds like my mother…

    • @NaeK188 says:

      Rang my boyfriend to look at the beautiful lunar eclipse and got told to “go to therapy. I can’t deal with how you feel.” Then he thought it was the topic of therapy that got me upset. No, it wasn’t. It was the lack of empathy, over the phone, timing, and selfishness. It gave me such a physical reaction where I almost vomited. Disgusting.

    • @Theresia66 says:

      @@NaeK188 you broke up, right?

  • @heartsmyfaceforever8140 says:

    Someone being hurt in the past does not give them permission to hurt you.

    • @jamestaylor3805 says:

      Although you are correct, damage doesn’t typically self repair, trauma never does.

    • @Lisa_Lisa312 says:

      That is rational thought, I don’t believe narcissist operate using rational.

    • @gmohler says:

      Very true- spot on

    • @joemann7971 says:

      Plenty of people grow up hurt. They don’t all become narcissists. Some become empaths. If being hurt was a prerequisite for narcissism, every scapegoat in a narcissistic family system would be a narcissist.

      Narcissists are just people that never became adults (mentally speaking ). They never grew to accept accountability for their own actions. They could care less if they hurt you as long as it doesn’t affect them in any way.

    • @BBB-rd2qi says:

      We are not required to set ourselves on fire to keep another person warm.

  • @craftwhimsy4776 says:

    “Childhood is the time when a child must learn disappointment in a safe loving space.” Ma’am I’m going to get that framed 💜

    • @78KellyS78 says:

      That really stood out to me too! 👏

    • @visionvixxen says:

      I agree. But just wanted to know what does that look like?

      For. Example, you came home w a bad grade?

    • @kellywright1489 says:

      I would ask my child did they do their best? If they said yes, then I would tell them that was more than enough. Give them a hug. And explain to them that mommy and daddy sometimes struggle too when trying new things. But the key is to keep trying, and you will get better and better each time. Using phrases like, “Would you like for mommy to help you with this? It can be hard to do things alone when you need help. We can do this together” 💙 Crazy part is I’m not even a parent. Lol But I have the patience and empathy for it one day.

    • @niteal1255 says:

      Childhood is the foundation of adulthood. If the childhood is rampant with neglect, abuse, instability you have a house built on sand.

    • @catherinenelson4162 says:

      Yes! I watched my mother turn my sister’s into narsicists. I got none of that, and am healthy, even though I also didn’t re eive love or even kindness. So, I allowed my daughter to deal with a very nasty tea her who was being very emotionally abusive. I had my daughter re-write a report 5 times, but on the fifth , I watched through the corner of a window. I saw the teacher through the report straight into the garbage can.
      At that point I walked into the room with a box, and we cleaned out my daughter’s
      desk. We stopped by the office, turned in her books, and left.
      That was me letting my daughter go through a difficulty that she did her best to fix, and the fifth grade teacher with a PHD, who insisted that the children call her
      “Dr. OBRIAN” not even bothering to read the report.
      Her issue with my daughter’s report, which was on an area that we knew well, was that Dr. O’Brian had never heard of the SIERRA Buttes, and kept insisting that it was the Sutter Buttes, therefore. she was giving my daughter F’s on her reports. Each report became more specific. As to the location of the Sierra Buttes (about 50 miles due North of Lake Tahoe.)
      Dr. O’Brian only knew of the Sutter Buttes, which are in the Sacramento Valley. therefore refused to believe that there was any other mountain mountainous area called “Buttes”.
      I homeschooled my daughter for the next. 3 years

  • @KKKkiri says:

    Love is unconditional <- narcissist love is conditional. Brilliant explanation! This says it all.

    • @Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr says:

      Like the God of the bible only sending certain people to heaven, who worship him. The rest get tortured (out of love out of love)

    • @Theddyfield says:

      Yeah those simple words actually stick with us rather than trickles of complex words.

    • @joanflemmingkendrick1107 says:

      They don’t know how to love. They are too broken.

    • @EnFuego79 says:

      Only parental love, and only from parent to child, is where it is possible for unconditional love to exist. Outside of that relationship it tends to be a vail for codependence or otherwise.

    • @roberts.valkyrie says:

      ​​@@EnFuego79 Right. My thinking went to falling out of love after being treated badly for so long. Realizing that they don’t love you, and detaching for your own sanity or safety.

      Nice profile pic, btw. Lol

  • @kristirajandu9900 says:

    Listening to this the times when people asked me:” How on earth did you come out of this so normal?” I never understood them. But now I do. My childhood was a mess with nothing stable and lack of care, love, and empathy were my daily struggles.
    Today I am kind of a people pleaser exept I do not let anybody push me over. My moto is…”This world has enough pain in it. Don’t be a part of it. Do good where You can.”

    My pain taught me how aful it is and how being left alone could do more harm. So when I see my classmate, collegue, friend etc sad I have to ask if they are ok and do they want to talk about it.
    Treat others as you want to be treated. I want to be cared and loved so I care and love. ☺️

    • @valeriedorsey7527 says:

      Very nicely stated. I would love to have a friend or someone like you in my life. They’re hard to find. God bless you.

    • @trishagoodwin4069 says:

      Yes, I was the same; beaten in childhood, stuck in dark cupboards by a middle class mother who had not wanted to have children, bullied at school, 3 attempts to take my own life before 25, but I live such a happy life now and try to care for others feelings. I have a wonderful husband and friends, and people always ask me how I am so normal, after being so badly treated for the first 18 years of my life. I put it down to the cognative therapy I had weekly for three years and a wonderful therapist, who encouraged me to turn my life around, going to art school as a mature student, plus all those wonderful people in my life, I have met since childhood.

    • @johanson8233 says:

    • @Ann-eb8dp says:

      I always felt my ex was very angry with his parents and did not want his children to be happier or more successful than him ie have a happier life than he had

    • @Justice4Mica says:

      @@trishagoodwin4069I’m so sorry you endured that as a child, I wish I could give your inner child a huge hug 😢❤huge props to you for not being the way your mother was to you. You’re doing so well & that is a massive accomplishment ❤

  • @user-wb6df2wz6t says:

    I’m finally separated after 29 years of marriage. I planned quietly and finally got the courage to serve him w divorce papers. He’s upset because I have a divorce lawyer and he swears that I’m having an affair (which I’m not). He can’t accept that I’m leaving him and he calls me a narcissist. I’m looking forward to my new found freedom in life!!!

    • @berealrb1496 says:

      Well of course you are having an affair because that is the ONLY reason you would leave your narcistic hubby. This is all sarcastic.

  • @jenbrennan4884 says:

    An observation I have made about narcissism: Once I discovered trauma may contribute to narcissistic behavior, I was less angry at the person (healthier for me). However, I was traumatized often times and did not attack or berate people. So while a person can be messed up by trauma, we all still have a conscience inside that signals right/wrong behavior. Being traumatized doesn’t excuse bad behavior or justify allowing it to continue, or enabling it. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

    • @lisastenzel5713 says:

      This brings a thought to mind…what if… those who get narcissists…have a tendency to be sociopaths too? Cos I always think of these things like…they are not just black and white. There are nuances.
      Like, with neuro divergent people. It’s a spectrum….not a yes or no.

    • @derrickcox7761 says:

      caption?

    • @ShunyamNiketana says:

      ​@@lisastenzel5713 — Cluster B personalities?

  • @lindapratt3342 says:

    Narcissists don’t always throw tantrums. They manipulate in many ways.

    • @jjb1974 says:

      Yeah, for sure. I’ve been going through this for years with my dad. Now he has dementia and has gone over the top with his narcissism. Not an easy thing to deal with. . . not even a little bit.

    • @odrade99 says:

      Yes, like giving you the cold shoulder, not speaking to you even though you live together. I could only last 3 days. Then i gave up and made peace.

    • @bunnybird9342 says:

      @@jjb1974 why not just give him up to a nursing home and free yourself

    • @helentaylor7132 says:

      Mine liked to rant (my memory fails on topics) about things one would never expect. Walking away wasn’t an option. I finally walked away once and found out why not to…contacted an agency for help and finally got away. Now that I’m older and wiser, I don’t need or want a “romantic” (hah!) relationship. I have a full life (work, family, friends, interests, activities) and no room for the distraction, the “servitude,” or the BS.

    • @amygrigevan says:

      My narcisist doesn’t throw tantrums. He has no empathy and he’s manipulative.

  • @monkfrank9607 says:

    Narcissist should only hang out with other narcissists and leave us alone 🤨

  • @sansankudo says:

    As an Empath, Learning Lesson from this vid: I’m not a rehab center for Narcissists!

  • @patriciamurray1924 says:

    I endured 68 years of narcissistic abuse by my mother/brother/husband. I am now 69 and on my healing journey…my head is spinning!!!

    • @jeffsordyl7430 says:

      I’m 62 and in a🎉 similar situation. it’s almost unbelievable anyone could treat a child or adult this inhumane way😢

    • @dr.olgagraham6736 says:

      Keep moving. You are in the right direction. Now learn to spot the red flags. Today narcissism is pandemic.

    • @cmullenmusic says:

      I felt the same way, thankfully it has stilled, and I’m better in EVERY way. All thanks to God. I focused on positivity and growth, being kind to myself… patient, loving myself. Greyrock the narc, for my child. 💪💚✞

    • @jackiesimms547 says:

      Just entered counseling. We are the same age! The fact that we are not alone is both encouraging and discouraging. Learning soooooo much.

    • @berealrb1496 says:

      I get it. Mother, sister, brother. Mother enabled severe abuse from sister because she’s narcistic too.

  • @AlexandraRosenqvist says:

    Some narcissists haven’t been through barely anything, but still turn into a narcissist. My step mum hadn’t really had much traumas or anything. She had good caring parents. She is still the one of the most verbally abusive humans I have had the misfortune to live with.

    • @DeepakSharma-rw6ws says:

      That could be because of the company she spent most of her time with growing up. My sister in law was an empath and really smart and fun but my brother is a narcissist and so is my mother and eldest sister. Since she spent so much time with all 3 of them they all used her, manipulated her and made her miserable with too much work. Then when she started putting boundaries they all talked to her and said that it is because of me she is suffering bcoz i have taken my wife with me and we are not helping her and she is suffering all alone due to me and my wife not helping her for household works. My sister also got inside her skin by knowing her insecurities and used them to redirect it to hate me. Out of all the family members its just me and my wife who didn’t make my sister in law’s life miserable but that is not enough. They have literally turned her into the same narcissistic monster that they are. Now my sister in law also tries her best to create discomfort in my life just like the other 3. So i can speak from experience that bad company can also turn someone into a narcissist.

  • @Lucid874 says:

    Narcissism is the most unbelievable thing in the world. It absolutely just breaks my heart how people can come to be and become this way. Truly just utterly unbelievable

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