How do VULNERABLE narcissists turn YOU into SUPPLY?
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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They really try to keep you stuck in their emotional web by making you feel like you are the only one that can actually help them, until you realize how drained you are.
💯!!
Emotional blackmail. 🖤🖤
@@PomForCalm True!
OH MY GOD THISS
OMG. You nailed it.
I apologized for so many things that I was not responsible for or did nothing to apologize for. All to just hopefully end the engagement.
But, as you said, once it worked on me I ended up seeing it again and again. As time went on the frequency increased.
Seeking pity and playing the victim was her hallmark. She actually said to me near the end of our marriage; “you don’t pity me do you, you never pitied me.”
Passive aggressive behavior is very confusing and vexing.
@@sushmayen pure evil, devilish actually
Yes. My covert narcissist sister loves to invent drama by claiming that you did her wrong but then refusing to give any details so you resolve the situation. That way, she can keep on acting superior and feel justified in punishing you.
A malignant narcissist can resort to a vulnerable narcissist persona when they have burned too many bridges and alienated too many sources of supply. The guilt trips are designed to bring you back into their orbit. And suddenly, you’re back under their boot. When you’ve come so far in shaking off their influence and getting your life back, it’s the final test of wits and nerve to hold the line, refuse the overtures and the lovebombing and the “poor me” tirades, keep the calm, polite grey-rock wall up, and walk away. Sometimes the pity I feel is almost my undoing…. But I’m not going back.
What would be the difference between the narc ignoring you, or trying to get you back?
Absolutely 💯. That’s how my malignant narc pulled me back in, but luckily thanks to the orchestrates efforts of – no less than seven people – family and friends I was extricated. It was like a covert mission of freeing me from my captor. No kidding.
@@user-uo9jx3ui2k Aw, thank you for sharing this! 😃We hear so many stories of enablers siding with the narcissist (my experience🥺), that it’s healing to hear a GOOD story of community support and rescue! So glad you and @jilllloyd7792 made it out! ❤
Perfectly describing my father. Malignant to the point of being truly predatory (thanks grandma), but is able to pretend to be lost and vulnerable and sucking victims back in.
I’m told I’m heartless because I won’t take his presence seriously at all. I’d rather be wrong and safe than be his victim again.
Perfectly describing my father. Malignant to the point of being truly predatory (thanks grandma), but is able to pretend to be lost and vulnerable and sucking victims back in.
I’m told I’m heartless because I won’t take his presence seriously at all. I’d rather be wrong and safe than be his victim again.
Currently trying to divorce my vulnerable narcissist, as a kind and compassionate person at my core……this process is torturous.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for the affirmation and encouragement.
I will be free!!
That was me! I did it. You can too. Very hard to harden your heart but absolutely necessary. Agree. It’s hell!
I too am trying to divorce someone who fits the VN description. The amount of guilt I felt could have driven me to unalive myself, but at the same time I could not identify any particular thing I’d done so wrong that he should turn on me like a vicious animal. It has been so confusing! Nothing could have prepared me for it. And yet the more I uncover, the more I find out he was always much worse than I knew. I will say though, I have learned that I am much stronger than I ever suspected. I am coming out of this experience a much better, stronger, wiser person than I was before.
Definitely been through this and I’m seeing it again. The attempt of a vulnerable narcissist, dragging you into their family drama. Worse, when they become ill, you’re the closest warm body and cannot readily escape. They will run you right up out of your life and have you thanking them for it, after freely working yourself to absolute death for them. Meanwhile, this “poor soul” has zero empathy and appreciation for you.
Yep, I can relate, sadly.
Narcissism is just scary all around! Biggest Adult life lesson, these people exist everywhere.
People are all narcissistic simply more or less. It is the ego, the self. Even people who claims they are empaths have narcissistic traits. Narcissism is on a spectrum from mildly egocentric to the extreme psychopaths that lives numbly but feel joy only at inflicting pain onto others.
@@AvaJulani This is like saying everyone who has a drink is an alcoholic
@@cairosilver2932 You miserable hater. That’s not what I said, your analogy is way off. Go back and read again. There are many differences between “narcissistic traits” versus “a clinically diagnosed narcissist” … It takes 11 narcissistic traits to be professionally diagnosed as a narcissist. And, fyi, just because Mr.A doesn’t like Mr.B, it doesn’t (does not) make Mr.B a narcissist nor a psychopath. People need to stop using words that they don’t understand, and stop labeling everyone as a “narcissist” … A person with a few narcissistic traits versus a narcissist are two very different people.
My ex-husband acted very pitiful all the time. This played on my empathy because I wanted to believe in him. What I got was a lot of future faking. He wanted me to give him just one more chance a thousand times (felt like a thousand times anyway). I finally was able to leave him because I had reached my breaking point. He took as much empathy from me as I was willing to give him (supply). As I continue to heal from this and other narcissistic relationships I have learned that when people show you who they are the first time, believe them.💕
@@vickyl1010 these could have been my words… Very true indeed!
The “one more chance” and I’ll do better. 10 years of hell and mind games.
Extremely accurate to my experience. And they will guilt trip you, so you go out of your way to do things either for them or to avoid upsetting them. Then when you tell them you did it that way for them, they gaslight you into thinking they didn’t care about it in the first place. Exhausting, draining, crazymaking. I’m 6 weeks out of it and all my mysterious fatigue finally seems to have cleared and I feel fresh and ready for life again. Strength to everyone going through this, especially if you have no familiarity with this stuff and are just waking up to it. The more you understand it, the more you will heal. xx
And they push everyone away then play the victim because they’re all alone!!
This was my ex-boyfriend. He played on my empathy, and the gaslighting had me thinking I was losing my mind. I finally hit my limit and kicked him out of my house. I finally accepted that no matter what I did, I would be the villain in his story. I’m still working on putting the pieces of my life back together 2 years later, but the peace of not having him in my home and dealing with his moods has been immeasurable.
If you are in a similar situation, you will be the villain in their story no matter how much you give, sacrifice, and bend over backward to try to satisfy their needs. You will never convince them otherwise. Realize there is nothing you can do to show them you really are a good person. Anytime you start to question yourself, remember this.
You may be the villain in his story, but he’s a 🤡 in yours!
Exactly the same thing happened to me, but I was the one to move in, there were numerous times when I questioned my own sanity because of the way my mind was being played with. After the breakup when I looked back all the signs were there but I had downplayed them, which led me to blame myself and go through the darkest time of my entire life. But right now I’m so grateful because all the misery I lived motivated me to learn more and work on certain weaknesses I didn’t know I had, and now when I see certain patterns, I remove myself from the equation before things get worse; not just in love relationships but also with friends and even family. So I can say ” I’m so f#^%$ng grateful for my ex” … I’m so thankful for therapy and @DoctorRamani because they helped me get through it.
Wow our stories are too similar.🫶
Sometimes, it helps to ask them questions in return. For instance: “If you think I don’t like you, why do you spend time with me?”
When you do things for them, you somehow never do it right. You end up apologizing for bending over backwards and putting your life on hold for them. And as soon as you set a boundary they act like you are a cruel selfish monster with no kindness in your heart. You burn all of your emotional energy trying to prove that you are a good person.
Right? That’s the crazy making part – it’s NEVER enough. You could literally open your veins for them and they’d complain you’re staining the rug 🫣😤
It’s liberating once you realise that and give up trying
@@EH23831 yes!!!
Vulnerable narcissists will groom you by saying that everyone else in their life has abandoned it betrayed them, they set you up to prove that you are different and would never let them down. Then, when you start pulling back for your own survival, they say “See? Your just like the rest of them!”
I have joined the company of “crazy women” who wronged him and left him devastated… and I’m okay with that! 😂
“Pulling back for your own survival!”
@@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696
Perfectly said!👍👍
They basically want the unconditional love of a parent (which doesn’t work with someone who is not their parent) but they are also at the two year old stage where they don’t feel love for the parent – and they wont be leaving that stage. They both desperately want attachment and have contempt for attachment.
Exactly!!@@cairosilver2932
They take and expect you to solve all their problems, but when you need their supports and validation, they aren’t there for you. Vulnerable narcissists are as self-serving as other narcissists are.
@@rmyosp malign narcs are less dangerous in my opinion, as you can spot them a bit easier and sooner than the victimized blood sucking reality altering vulnerable narcs
Just dumped a friend for not being there when I was in a really bad space and instead making it all about them. Last straw moment.
@@DeborahOlander The same thing happened to me. I went no contact with a good friend I had of over 30 years, even one my parents completely trusted, which was extremely rare. It was over something that to me was so stupid and petty, but it really brought out a side in her personality I had never seen before in my life but always suspected was there. I considered it the unmasking of her true self to me.
The flip side to that is I went no contact with a very kind, funny and spiritual person I recently met who I could have been really good friends with after a while. But after feeling betrayed by one good friend, I have lost all hope and trust of ever having any meaningful friendship with another human being, at least for a very, very long time.
@@CaterinaRivanorexcept for the case of children, the malignant is definitely more dangerous to them… 😔
It is disgusting how the covert narcisists push you into uncomfortable situations in which you are often compelled to lie and if you don’t, you also feel bad. It’s always a lose, lose case with a narcissist. If possible the best way is to avoid them and go and stay no contact.
The moment you realise the vulnerable narcissist puts their interests above yours, you will know they deserve no empathy from you
Dr Ramani
This is a crowbar moment for me. A deep honesty my 80 year old self wasn’t equipped to express.
I’m suppose to love my husband. No matter what.
The introject is if I don’t I’ve failed as a spiritual woman.
Admitting to myself I do not love my husband has me reeling. 😮
And yet deep inside I’m finally becoming solid.
A spiritual woman is an honest woman.
Thank you for the crowbar.
♥️♥️♥️
I wish i learnt about narcissism when i was in my early 20’s. I would have saved lot of time and money and disappointment. After I learnt about narcissism I realized and connected a lot of dots from my past and other people behaviours including my own. I had allowed way too many people to manipulate me and be a nice doormat to them, family, friends and colleagues and they were everywhere. And my knowledge about this topic has generally improved my understanding of people’s behaviour. Thank you very much.
I stayed for 40 years because of a need to convince him he was loved. It has cost me my physical and emotional health, the children’s emotional health and my financial health. I’ve been out for 6 years but still recovering.
If you’re young, please, please take care of your own finances and in sure your own retirement. And if you haven’t already, don’t have children with them.
For those here, you have my best wishes for safe and as smooth as possible ways out of these relationships with healing and thriving in your not too distant future.
This is Exactly my story as well, OH how I wish I had kept my independence, how STUPID was I, giving that over.
I also am now 5yrs post a long term marriage, right at the time I should have been able to Retire, I discovered he had been having an Affair, off having a wonderful time whilst I was working 12 hr shifts😢
He never helped around the house, he stated he was too busy!!! But he did have time to workout his Penis😮
I had then to work Long, putting off retirement
Buy my own home back,
And trying and also put money aside for retirement
All hopefully before I drop dead.
Stay strong
You are worthy
Enjoy your New Life
@@user-uz8np4iv8g I’m sorry for your difficulties. However, somehow we become conditioned to be in and stay in these relationships. Please be kind to yourself and see yourself as the strong person you are rather than stupid. May you experience healing and find a path to happiness.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** 🙂 Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.