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Andrew McLaurin
You’ve always had a knack for just getting it, how those of us who are narcissistic abuse survivors are in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn, sadly. 😢
And what makes it worse is that nobody understands.
@mashedheadball8435
People whom quietly grew and surpassed it, ( with out knowing the term or title,..) THEY KNOW. THEY UNDERSTAND. ITS STILL TOO PAINFUL FOR MOST TO WANT TO COMMUNICATE THE EVENTS. ❤
@Redeemed9 indeed
@@mashedheadball8435 agree wholeheartedly with you I went through it last night in a sense. What I hate the most if I tell somebody that I think is in my corner my troubles and they end up acting like a flying monkey or an enabler and take others’ sides. If they were neutral and said I can’t take sides that would be better than them sounding like they’re taking the other person’s side.
@@maryyoung4046 it is very discouraging, but stay strong. I see now how everyone in my family and the last job I had and others have been conditioned by my sister to dismiss me and treat me as sub human. Some are people who witnessed my face getting beaten in, my TV’s and laptop smashed and a ugly smear campaign. They act like it’s just how I’m supposed to be treated. It’s absolutely diabolical.
Narcissistic abuse can cause you to become fearful, distrustful, and even paranoid about new relationships. It is very important to take the time to heal. But even then, the reality is that many people in the world today are toxic or even narcissistic. So maybe it’s best not to kill our fears, or to continue wearing our hearts on our sleeves. These feelings, memories and experiences are there to serve as a wake up call. Not everyone is innocently looking for a relationship or a connection. Many people are predatory and exploitative.
Part of our healing, IMO is that when we come across exploitative and toxic people, we learn how to get and keep them our of our lives on a personal level, and NOT SHAME OURSELVES for it and NOT TALK OURSELVES INTO ‘giving them a chance’ or “forgive and forget” nonsense.
Part of healing is giving up the innocent belief that others are honest and forthright, and developing a certain level of cynicism, that seems so abhorrent to us. I hated giving up my innocence, but at the same time, refuse to allow anyone to put me through that sh** ever again. If that means I risk the label of “uptight, untrusting, frigid b—,” then so be it.
@Hawaiiansky11 thank you it’s been a real struggle for me as of lately.
Also, if you cut it off early enough, you can use the momentum and experience to jump into something much better. Not out of desperation, but out of clarity and self respect.
❤sad but true
I agree.
Thank you for this. I have definitely lost trust in people and prefer to be alone, I feel happier and safer that way. Also I can’t see myself ever dating again and have an extremely negative view of men in general because of my experience, but I hope this changes as I heal more. It’s only been a year since I went NC, I need to give it time…
I feel like Schroedinger’s Cat in a way – I desperately desire a warm, loving relationship while also being perfectly willing to drop anyone like a hot rock and never think of them again in order to keep myself safe.
@@Hawaiiansky11I can totally relate! I long for that too but question if it’s even obtainable or just a fantasy, my hyper vigilance keeps me from even trying right now. Self preservation is paramount. ❤️🩹
I feel exactly the same, 4 years after my last experience with a narcissistic ex. Yes, I’ve tried therapy, but I haven’t been able to regain the ability to trust people. The walls I’ve put up to protect myself are apparently pretty strong.
A piece of advice: don’t wait a decade like me. I’m just now thinking about meeting new friends of both genders, and find it hard to put myself out there due to established habits. Plus at my age, many people are suffering with health and mobility issues, or have a sick partner or relative to care for, and aren’t available for socializing.
Couples therapy is a great tool for the narc to learn how to manipulate you more. There are not enough of you Dr. Ramani! I find it hard to trust at this moment and I am not interested in meeting new people right now. Staying away from the narcs in my life has helped me greatly!
I learned that the hard way – not with therapy per se, but with a book titled “His Needs, Her Needs.” I read it and tried to accommodate him. He read it, and from what I could tell, used it as fodder to abuse and mistreat me with greater acuity.
That was my experience also!! Nightmare
Reminds me of when I was with my ex. He tattletailed to the minister on me and had him come out to counsel us but you know what he ended up getting more correction than I did so the joke was on him.
Wow
It’s been almost a year since the end of my last narcissistic relationship. I got asked out this week. Texted a bit with the guy. He seems very nice, but I decided that I don’t want to even date anyone again. I like being alone and not having to deal with anyone!😊
I had this same situation. The narc discarded me Dec 2023. Had an old acquaintance ask me out to dinner. It made my stomach sick just thinking about it. I also respectfully declined.
Try not to date. I always hated dating. Go out and just do something.. like met up at a coffee shop.. go for a walk. Try that? If you want to cut it short you can split.
It’s so hard to trust anyone again. Narcissists take that from us.
Same here. I totally enjoy being alone. Not talking to anyone in my space except my kids. ❤
I feel the same about dating. Just going to join clubs and classes for social activities and live alone. So peaceful. I’ve had too many breakups and house moves over the years. Don’t have the bandwidth to have to date.
After narcissistic abuse, you don’t know if someone is genuinely nice and kind or just preying on you.
Exactly! I feel like I can’t trust my own judgement on peoples character as so many wear masks to get what they want. That’s why I choose to keep to myself right now. It’s so much less stressful!
Yup, you come out feeling knowing you always to be on your guard. Everyone else exists in the fog of denial.
This!!
💯
You have to be balanced, and you can’t think everybody’s a predator
Communication is Key!!!
Toxic relationships mess with us so much … Word Salad !!
It carries over to even work meeting and friends … its so stressful and destabilizing.
Communication is weaponized with a narcissist. A person learns to stop communicating or even intuitively gives ‘gray rock’ answers, keeping everything to themselves. In my case, as a teen of a narcissistic mother, even keeping a diary wasn’t safe. She read them; at first, I was naive and didn’t know. I feared that she could read my mind, so tried to control my thoughts as well as my spoken words.
I wrote things in a happy-go-lucky, all-is-well, everything-is-awesome way.
As an adult going through healing, I re-read some of those old journal entries and feel compassion and pity for that girl; she was so unsafe, that she never even ‘secretly’ wrote of her true feelings. The entries read like a toxically positive record of daily happenings. I took responsibility for bad things that others did (like stealing, coming up with the idea to hitchitke to a beer party, etc.). I didn’t express anger for frustration, heartbreak or disappointment, any anyone or any situation. I gave others credit for the good things that I did. The entire thing was a lie. I couldn’t even tell the truth to myself.
That’s no way to live.
I went no contact before it was even politically incorrect
I am so sorry you went through that dear!
The damage is total and complete. The damage can never be repaired… thank you…❤
Agreed!!
That’s not true, feel very sad you feel that way! Keep watching DrRamini. She’s covers it all, helps y8u heal!! Tc 😊
I have cut out literally every single close relationship in my life. I keep everyone at a superficial level now. Even family. It’s been years and this is just how I live. People are not trustworthy. That’s what I’ve learned from narcissistic abuse.
😢
This is me
same
I can relate!
There’s no way you have that many narcissists in your life. It’s a rare disorder.
I am the scapegoat adult daughter of a malignant narcissistic mother and a covert narcissistic father. I also have two flying monkey sisters. It was really hard growing up that way as a child and as an adult to interact with them. I decided to go no contact with them all to save my sanity. It was the hardest decision I have ever made but also the best one I have ever made. The peace I now feel is incredible. Throughout my healing I still have trust issues towards other people. And I don t think I will ever fully trust anyone else again. But once I was out of the abuse situation I noticed I started to trust myself again. In fact I feel I am the only one I can really trust.
Yep, me too. 2 sister & 1 brother on my mother’s side. She would pit us against each other and then lecture us on being close. Chaos house makes it hard to trust people or what they say. I spent more time confused than not. All we can do is rebuild, starting with a new foundation.
I actually thought that this was MY post 💔❤️🩹♥️
@@MythicLife-v6jtup
@@caroleminke6116 ❤🩹
@@MythicLife-v6jYes the sibling thing! OMG! They triangulate the siblings and then wonder why we don’t get along.
When you mention gaslighting ourselves, it makes me think about how helpful I was to the narcs in my life. I made execuses for them. They’re just having a bad day, maybe I did do something not kosher, I should be more understanding, etc. Now I can see it coming a mile away. I don’t make excuses for bad behavior or tolerate it. You have to unlearn the conditioning, in my case from having a narc parent. I was also the scapegoat.
OMG. OMG. OMG. I’m about to break into tears right now. The validation is spot on.
I’m thankful that my inherent emotional and mental resilience mostly held during my narcissistic relationship and rebounded in the wake.
I’m grateful I have found the necessary tools to learn and grow from this. And I’m grateful for good, understanding friends who I’ve reconnected with.
I refuse to distrust myself or others, and choose to believe in people’s best…
…I just have more awareness to see the rogues in life coming a mile off now.
This abuse took everything from me– my family, my friends, my career, my sense of agency, my sense of safety in every aspect of my life. I’m an absolute prisoner with no idea of where to even begin. I just distract myself in fantasy all day every day as I watch my life go on without me. The saddest part for me is the complete destruction of the relationships that I cherished and the amount of time and life (decades) that I lost for no reason other than someone else’s ego trip. I’m so completely broken at this point. I can’t see a single ‘good thing’ that has actually happened in my life for over a decade. (Thank God for my dogs and a very rich fantasy life, otherwise I would have died in this a long time ago.) What I lost is ALL of my existence, all that I worked for and everything that mattered to me—– essentially, I LOST ALL OF MY REALITY. Everything that was REAL and based on my choices and my work is completely destroyed and can’t even be salvaged. How do you fix your life when your life no longer exists???
I spend an insane amount of time trying to figure out what I could do with my life if I could ever escape this nightmare. Because, in every aspect, my life no longer exists. The fact that I’m still breathing is just a technicality.
Walk the Camino de Santiago alone.
@@jq2639 Ummm.. HELL NO. lol I said I was trying to escape hell, not walk it. lol Believe me, any more introspection and I’m a cartoon character of myself. I DO NOT NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHO I AM. lol I know exactly who I am and what makes me happy and what doesn’t. The ‘problem’ is that I can’t access reality in a way to do the things that make me happy and I can’t leave the stuff that makes me miserable. NOT MY ISSUE. The issue is other’s implying they are ”helpful’ while actually doing everything that is removing me from my life and destroying what makes me happy. The amount of effort that certain people have put towards making my life miserable while absolutely sabotaging and disregarding me in my life is ABUSIVE AF.
*** Thanks for the comic relief though.***
I know exactly what I need. I just can’t get there from here. It includes good music, an umbrella drink and a man with amazing abs. I said I have done a lot of introspection. lol
In a way, we wall together.
The clip with Dr.Ramani in the scrunchie felt like a late-night talk with a good friend 😅 Love it… she has a good balance of focus between inner and outer
Easy with the parasocial worship she’s just a grifter making money off of an overhyped topic
@@powerfuless that’s not true stop saying that! If you don’t like her videos what are you doing in here? you sound like a troll to me!
I actually laughed out loud when you said have you asked yourself “Am I a deceit human being?” If I had a nickel for how many times I asked myself that question I would be a millionaire ten times over.
Honestly, the one silver lining of being in a horribly narcissistically abusive relationship is that I can spot bullshit and manipulation a MILE away. And the second someone shows those classic characteristics of lack of accountability, rage, manipulation, etc., I am OUT. It saves me so much time and strife.
After a lifetime of stifling my voice I have found my voice in writing. I frequently am being complimented on my essays. I found my voice. My voice is most powerful without a sound.
It’s just so comfortable listening to her,,, you feel heard and cared for ❤
she calms me down when I’m panicking.this woman is a godsend
@@jenniferwingo5430 so true