How narcissists get what THEY WANT from YOU
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November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Thank you Dr Ramani
These kinds of videos save lives, Dr. Ramani, especially for people who can’t afford therapy. I’d also add that the way the narcissist ‘apologizes’ is so telling, they twist facts, justify and blame-shift to get what THEY WANT, which is for YOU to apologize for something you didn’t do. And if you keep calling them out, they’ll block/unfriend you. I was told ‘ask yourself why you got hurt/I didn’t mean to…’. Bullshit non-apology. They also said I was ‘violent’ in the way I expressed myself, plus other awful things. Pure delulu.
You’re right. They do twist facts. And they blame-shift. Calling them out, won’t change a thing. Apologizing is not in their dictionary. Save your energy instead. By the way, it’s interesting, your name fits my profile picture. Maybe I am delulu too 😉.
@@SylPaperworks It is however quite amazing how low they stoop once they’re called out, how insidious the insults get and just how much they project. I think the discard was a blessing in disguise, in hindsight. Haha, I love that, nice profile pic! 🙂
First they may play the victim and try to manipulate you. But if that doesn’t work they will devalue you, and force you to help them. They will coerce you. But if you still don’t give in, they will smear your name and ruin your reputation.
👏
Yep
don’t believe a word that comes out of their twisted little brain. 😢
And then act passive aggressive for daaaaaaays until they chill.
They are smearing your name even when you give them everything possible
I fell for future faking for an embarrassingly long time. I’m still beating myself up over it. I feel like I helped my ex screw up my life.
This iss how I felt too. But we can free ourselves from feeling embarrassed by acknowledging that we are now aware and knowing we were only surviving the situation.
I hope you to be well for your best furure.
This is a good video on what happens when we look back on the relationship.
https://youtu.be/S_HwCQNwE_M?si=UqGd40K5RMfxzAwH
You are an optimistic and good person who knows you deserve good things in life. It is normal and healthy to want a happy future – you did nothing wrong – your Ex did this abusing of your trust all on their own. ❤
That’s so relatable wow 😮
I know the feeling..it’s part of the grieving process, I think. Stay strong, we deserve so much more ❤
Thank you Dr Ramani. I recommend you to so many people on social media or real life that continually vent and ask “but why” and wonder this and that… Also if they continue to vent every time I am with them, I let most roll over
too because I know they as well could be even part of the problem and be just that, that one who thrives on victim mode. I try to diag is less and fix or make them feel better; it is their responsibility.
I’ve learned so much from you. Thank you for all you bring to us all.
It was the hoovering that made me most confused where I finally fell into research on the topic of narcissism. So many things about the relationship hurt and when I thought it was over I thought I could move on. Then hoovering. WTF?! I found YouTube answers about 2 years ago. Spent the first year gluttonous for information that explained so much. The next year grieving all that I knew that turns out was a lot of cognitive dissonance. After the grief lifted I am healing. That will be a forever thing. The scars remain but the pain is gone.
@@mariehughey5390 …. Hello…I learned a lot about Narcissist people on the Internet, too. I had never heard of them before!!! Now, I feel enlightened….
Thanks for sharing this.
Oh. My. Gosh!
I was just trying to figure out what why I feel so bad and confused when he “asks so little” It’s because he doesn’t ask! He hints and jibes and sighs and I “volunteer” to fix things for him, or I try to do whatever he even MIGHT want. I never feel safe and ok unless he’s safe and ok — and that never happens because I can never do enough. Mind blown
I have lived in this. Now I’m trying to get a divorce but stuck in the house for now… Limbo
I did a favor that inconvenienced me in the long term, when I finally got the gumption to bring the issue to a head, I was met with them blaming me because I wouldn’t help them solve the issue when it was convenient for them. Then finally after a few more time passed where this issue was plaguing my own life even worse, I brought it up again, they again came up with excuse after excuse, I had to push back. In the end I finally got what I wanted for them to take care of said issue, but it cost me over $.
Basically they put you last in their lives over and over and over. They think you and everything you have belongs to them to use at their convenience.
Yep. “I’m ‘helping’ you, by giving you nothing to do.” (Be grateful, you’re indebted to me, despite the fact that I’m ensuring you dry up.) Funny to watch as, you know they feel they have you in deep check (under control).
I have found that, with narcissists, although I know that could include my own input into the relationship), that by the time they’re done being “supportive” of you, you’re often so behind that, if you’re keen and keeping track of your life, you were typically left where you stood or have fallen behind. You come to realize 👉🏽 you simply didn’t need them.
You get psydo help. It sounds like help but they are helping you by taking antiques in your garage, furnishing their ( suppose to yours in a future fake) vacation home. They will do maybe one super generous gift or thing and milk it for forever. Always keeping the tally and score in their favor.
@@brendaplunkett8659 yep, got rid of a “friend” recently, that was like that. 20/20 hindsight let me know that, for a bit of help, they were probably working on living so Scott free, in my house, but wouldn’t be paying any rent and making demands on repairs and upgrades.
@@brendaplunkett8659yep. Got rid of a “friend” who had plans running along those same lines.
A month after I left my narcissist I received an email with an apology and him portraying himself as a poor, abandoned victim. I gave in and engaged in an exchange with him. For a couple of days he was even sort of sweet, and then one day started to gaslight and blame and insult me for leaving him. When I asked what exactly he was apologizing for in his first email, his answer was: “For not being able to meet your expectations.”
I remember I was furious (not with him, with myself), and felt very foolish for allowing him to trick me again. He has never taken any responsibility for the immense damage he did. Seven months later, I’m still struggling with financial, physical and mental health issues that were a fallout of the relationship. And he’s moved on and is living his best life. He faced no consequences.
This sounds exactly like what I just went through with my narc husband. We’ve been separated for over a year, but I’m starting to see that staying in this state of separation and not filing for divorce is keeping me stuck in the grief longer, like it’s one last thread that I’ve been holding onto. It has only allowed him to further future fake me. It’s time to file and put the past where it belongs once and for all ❤
My mum says “I’m sorry you feel that way”
Thanks to all your videos, If I even get the faintest feeling that someone is a narcissist, I immediately cut ties with them! I haven’t been a source of supply in a long time! Living my best life nowadays! Take notes people, the good doctor is doing Gods work!
“I am sorry you got mad at me”
Oh God yes! They sacrifice their children to horrible abuse. Then tell everyone who will listen how they sacrificed themselves because of the kids. My sister said mom told her, “I had to give up my horses because of you.” I couldn’t understand why mom didn’t give us up or pull a Susan Smith. It really boggled me knowing what she was behind the scenes. I think it was her “image”.
Needed this, almost forgot about my boundaries in the name of empathy for the undeserving.
When I got the silent treatment he would first blame it on a medical emergency in the family and when that didn’t work he gave me “there aren’t enough sorries in the world, it’s just better you forget about me. You deserve better.” lol, He is the King of vulnerable narcissism! 🤦🏻♀️
I go back and forth on whether my mom is a vulnerable narcissist. She has empathy, but she also has a downtrodden, scarcity mindset. She always spoke about sacrificing herself for her children and would even compare herself to me so that I would feel guilty about saying “no”to her whenever she needed help. Even when I did help her it was NEVER enough. I ended up deeply depressed because of the pressure to help her and I didn’t have a strong sense of boundaries because I was pretty much alone in defending myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for educating us on this topic.
I feel you. Trust your feelings, how your body feel.
@@TheWendyhan0120 Thanks for understanding. I feel like she is a vulnerable narcissist, but it’s harder to clock unlike my father who is a malignant narcissist. One of the things that I am working on is trusting my gut instincts. I also do not want to become bitter and jaded about life. I maintain that I am worthy of love and give love to others who see my worth. That is essential when healing from narcissist abuse.
It’s a narcissists’ world. We just live in it.
“I’m sorry you feel that way” is a terrible thing to hear from a parent – it teaches the child that she doesn’t matter, and is not worthy of basic respect. What a terrible thing to put in a child’s head.
They apologize for the small things, but never the things I actually needed an apology for.