How narcissists PUNISH you for setting boundaries
In narcissistic and toxic relationships, setting a boundary can trigger a reaction you never expected — and suddenly you’re the one being blamed. This video breaks down why that happens, how the dynamic gets flipped, and what it means for your next move. If you’ve ever wondered why protecting yourself makes things worse, this will make it click.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Narc: Set boundaries. Just not with me.
This statement is too true!
If you want to get rid of a narcissist…you only have to do one simple thing: say “no.” Anytime I said “no” to my narc ex MIL, she took off and went MIA, stonewalled…which was perfect for me. Same with her son, my ex (narc) Because I drew boundaries to keep my daughter safe while he was in active addiction (and still is) they told me I didn’t “give him a chance to be a father.” That’s how they twist the narrative…and the sick part is, I believed it! Being raised in a narc home…this gaslighting was normal for me. I’ve since been educating myself and have been changing and healing. Thanks for this video Dr. Ramani.
They act like “How Dare you!!!!”
it’s quite remarkable
In my personal experience, setting boundaries meant escalating the abuse as a form of punishment and revenge.
Let’s not forget….”Don’t talk to ME, like THAT!”…..
I don’t go to family reunions to avoid those type of individuals. I would rather stay alone than around people that hate me… That shuts the door permanently
Yep me too. They hate me until they want to get something from me, then all of a sudden they start being nice. Doesn’t work, I just dig in further. I don’t care what they think, say or do. I value my peace.
My boundary is that the narcissist is dead to me. There is no interaction at all.
You’re so lucky, I’m happy for you
Settings boundaries with a narcissist for me has meant losing someone very important to me. Unfortunately, it’s a package deal but the toll it takes on my health to just go along to get along is too high. It’s a no win situation. 😭😭
I had to set boundaries, brick walls and a couple of karate classes in order to be safe from King Narcissist. ❤
❤👍👍👍
😂
Same here. I also had to protect our children from their own father’s vengeful, retaliatory, and manipulative behaviors that he would try to unleash on them simply because they were weaker and unable to fight back.
Even they got cut off they turn back like leech can’t shake off
Dr. Ramani, it’s so therapeutic to connect to your sanity 😎
People with cluster B personality disorders hate boundaries. I’ve found with my narc sister that she stonewalled hard after I set very firm boundaries. Just know that they will do the smear campaign if you set boundaries or not. She finally moved away and the weight off my shoulders is incredible, and so welcome. ⛓️💥
Yep, exactly. Mine did the same thing. She’s in another state now and it’s great.
You won’t have to set boundaries once you never play their games anymore. No attention, no thoughts; bye narc.
Amen 🙏
Tried this, then narcissist in family was more in my face. They didn’t like when I tried to take back control of my own thoughts. Now this family member is trying to turn other family members against me. Unfortunately, this person is not the only narcissist in the family. Recently, I did a good deed for someone in family – have got information from source that one other family member was questioning my motives. These people are crazy. They need a ‘scapegoat’ to deflect from themselves and their own lives. The sad thing for them is that I’m developing as a person, they are regressing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m expecting further kickback. Thank you so much Dr for the support you give victims through your videos! (although I try not to think of myself as a victim even though definition would probably suggest I am)
Not always true. Not all of them go away when you go no contact, or refuse to play their game. The more covert or sociopathic ones make a point to go looking for other ways to force themselves onto your life. Thanks to the Internet they know about the “no contact” tactic so they make every effort to find ways to exploit it.
Whenever I bring up Dr. Ramani in any conversation my first statement is “She speaks the truth.” If only there were more people like her in the world. I have said it before and I will say it again. Thank you. You have been the most influential person in my life.
I’d rather be the villain than keep the peace by sacrificing my sanity
Yes, eventually that is the choice we have to make.
Those of use grown up in ACE ACoA home – being labeled as “villain” means end of the world and this catastrophe is wired into nervous system, it cannot be removed through resolution logic conclusion.
Amen to that!🙏
So do I
Me too, and that’s exactly what the Narcissist does is smear your name and portray themselves as the victim. 😅
Finally someone says it boundaries doesn’t work on narcs, they behave like instinct driven.
Well said. Boundaries are internal. Don’t give them more ways to use against you.
Exactly. Boundaries are set with and for yourself.
My goodness. Dr. Ramani is so right. You feel like your going against your nature by trying to set boundaries. If you have to set boundaries with someone then they are not the kind of person you should be associating with. Relationships shouldn’t be so difficult.
You know you are doing right if you piss off narcissistic/antagonistic people.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. The only way is not to play.
I set a boundary with my narc father and I ended up not seeing him for the last 10 years of his life. His ego and need to be a bully was more important than his relationship with his son.
they don’t give a toss about our boundaries!🤣they only do stuff if it suits them, you get even more backlash and passive aggression if you do that and you’ll feel like its your fault because you can’t uphold that boundary! these guys don’t play by the rules! you’ll have more luck setting a boundary with a hungry lion! “Boundaries-inside job”💯thank you, Dr. Ramani, you’re a star!
As someone recently said, ‘when you set boundaries who will find out who your real people are’.