How parental trauma bonding shapes your future
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Would you rather be feared or loved?
Narcissists: FEARED! It lasts longer.
That was my Dad ๐ข he wanted to be feared and in control
My father…
Then there’s the narcissistic parent who wants to be loved but terrorizes their children into ‘loving’ them…
My mother
My dad was an abusive alcoholic narcissist and my mom was a paranoid schizophrenic. Crazy house! 2 of my siblings are schizophrenic, 1 committed suicide at 21, one has crippling anxiety and depression, one is a narcissist and thereโs me. The truth telling scapegoat.
Trauma?
@ In spades!!
My โfamilyโ denied my Truth and made my mind split(schizophrenia). Some Truth Tellers are schizophrenic. Iโm so sorry that your family had to go through the Abuse cycle. Abuse makes anyone crazy(with or without a mental illness diagnosis)
@ It absolutely does. I can remember, quite clearly, laying in my crib at 18 months thinking something is wrong with this. This is not right or fair or safe. Itโs sad that we were forced to live this way, and it was cruel of them to do it.
@@christinaculver5678schizophrenic can be a misdiagnosis- possibly CPTSD
Both parents. Spent my life trying to just be seen.
Mine were both toxic too. I think my mom was a narc and dad was an alcoholic. I don’t even know who I am.
@denisedevoto5703ย Well. My mom saw how great and amazing I am at the end of her life. I was still there after everyone else had left her. She just passed away 2 days ago. I made her last years on this earth brighter and happier because of my agape love and loyalty. I also broke all the generational curses that were passed down to me from both of my parents. My daughter got a clean slate with me and her dad.
@DS-wv7lfย great to hear about your daughter. Sorry for your loss.
Narc Mom stole the person you could have been. That realization is crushing.
๐๐ผ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐๐๐ผ๐โฃ๐ป๐
@@nonawolf7495 #FACTS
My biggest regret if my life. I know I could have been someone better and had a better life.
I know we canโt blame anyone but ourselves, but when you start out below zero it doesnโt help.
@@Greeceismygotoyou can definitely blame someone other than yourself. the narc who destroyed your nervous system from a young age
@@Greeceismygoto i know right ? we gotta keep our mouth shut because that’s what it seems like..blame.. when one returns to childhood to figure out the family dynamic ..it’s quite clear …the scapegoat…God bless you friend ๐ค๐
Narc father and mother. These broke people passed their trauma on to me.
@@km-my4un I had to unlearn narcissistic learned behaviors! No wonder I was miserable on top of miserable!!
I was an empath raised by a single parent narc mom, and without realizing it, I married a narc man in my 20โs to escape my mom. Sadly, I was told by a psychiatrist that I actually married my mom again and repeated the cycle for another 18 years. What a sad realization. My second husband broke the cycle and after 20 years together, I finally now understand what a healthy, loving relationship is. So my story does end well.
โค
I’m happy toย hear that story,ย I wish you nothing but peace going forward.
This is spot on. I donโt have narcissistic parents and although I was confused and tried within 6 months I got my own therapist and got out. A guy I know spent 17 years with a narcissist and had a narcissistic mother had zero sense of self and had no awareness he was in a toxic relationship whatsoever.
I was so baffled as to how someone could be in an extremely toxic abusive relationship and literally have no idea it was so – all goes back to childhood schemas.
It was 2017 when I realized this then 2021 moved back with family to help with care giving and OMFG!! Crazy town!!
I had the narcissistic family system growing up. I was told in therapy that i was choosing partners to try and redo the relationship I had with narcissistic mom. It was a lifetime of hell in personal and professional relationships for 63 years. Still working on myself. Hopefully there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Iโm 68 and I can shine a bit of light – I can dance – I can be me- I can accept so much about myself.. that rollercoaster ride of millions of emotions- their all me. Like I tell myself here we go again!! And thereโs that light right straight ahead!!
Iโm 66 & still healing emotionally as well as physically so I know how youโre feeling now. Someday I hope to have peace โฎ๏ธ
I don’t know if I agree with psychology’s take that we try “redo the relationship”. For myself, I feel that I ended up in similar relationship dynamics because I never had a model for what a normal, healthy relationship was. I simply didn’t know! I also didn’t know I had any worth or value as a human being, so I didn’t know I could say “no” to behavior I didn’t like, and which was abusive.
โ@christiI feel you.nelamb1167
Growing up in a narcissistic family made me feel I have no choice in any of my relationships. I’m always wrong and bad if someone sees differently than me. I had to give in to them or change my mind or I will be punished in one way or another. It’s taken alot of work to heal these thoughts and feelings. Thanks for your help๐
Me too. The feeling of dread and “Not again!” when the person I thought loved me turned on me and told me I am worthless and disgusting. Horrible to live with these people, being punished for existing.
That’s it exactly! I never knew I had any choice whatsoever in my relationships. I thought I just had to go along with anything and everything!
This has been the biggest turning point for me in my recovery, to know that I always have a choice, I always have options.
you said “it feels like someone got away with playing a really long practical joke on you.”
Dr. Ramani. That is it. I always described it as the “Thriller” Moment.
In Michael Jacksons Thriller theres this part where the girl is standing there with her mouth open and the camera zooms in as she finally realizes Michael Jackson is not who she thought he was.
I think the Thriller video captures Narcissistic Relationships PERFECTLY
You begin to see it everywhere. In your family, your parents, You expereince your own Zoom in. And it changes your life. You realize your family is not who you thought they were.
That’s arguably the worst of the things I’m dealing with now. Realizing she never was who I thought she was, realizing that I have all these wonderful memories of beautiful moments we shared together, memories of this wonderful, amazing woman and none of it was real. Not a thing.
I grew up in a narcisstic family… married 3 different narcissist….now older and wiser….it won’t happen again
Brilliant. Learning how these childhood experiences can affect adult relationships is so empowering to better identify and deal with adult narcissistic relationships.
But the catch-22 problem is, that to “seeing it clearly” is always relative. You never know if you’re being abused or being selfish by claiming you’re being abused. A victim can’t tell if the abuse is “normal” and is afraid to even dare to think they are being abused bc that would be selfish, or “spoiled” as in my case, so they can’t ever “see it clearly”.Maybe I am spoiled and selfish? Maybe the abuser is just “doing the best they can” At least that is what I struggled with for so long… Thank you!!!๐โค
Narcissistic parents set you up to accept abuse and call it love. I made too many excuses for bad behavior. I am still trying to heal from my narcissistic family system.
I used to make so many excuses and rationalizations for other people’s bad behavior. No more! If someone consistently acts like an a$$hole, there’s just no excuse for it, and I don’t have to put up with it.
I understand me all my life being abused by narcissists. And this angel young woman not from a narcissistic family telling me how crazy the narc made her!!! An me a deer in headlights!! Ty Dr Ramani!
I have faith that emerging therapies can even save the narcissists. I tried everything even exorcism. I still want to liberate, even the fallen. Thank you, Doc. You are loved.
You are one of my heroes in my darkest hours. Thank you so much.
“..a curse you couldn’t outrun.”
When I was 5 I had a nightmare and saw a devils face and in that face my mother’s face. I woke up shaking and totally confused and just with identifying my mother’s true personality (30 years later) I understand that this was a WARNING dream by my guardian angel.
Narc mother. Confusing upbringing to say the least. I’m now 66. Learned so much in the past couple of years
Married a passive aggressive covert narcissist. Divorced and left June 2017. Confused and broken
A number of former friends
No contact with them all.
Learning about me