How the narcissist leaves YOU feeling like the VILLAIN
Guilt is one of the most common emotions in narcissistic relationships, and it can show up in endless ways—guilt for labeling them, guilt for speaking up, guilt for not trying hard enough, even guilt for having negative thoughts. The problem isn’t whether you actually did something wrong; it’s how guilt makes the narcissist’s version of reality feel plausible and keeps you focused on proving you’re “good.” Over time, that guilt becomes the glue that holds the relationship together and blocks clarity, agency, and self-trust. This video breaks down how guilt functions as control in narcissistic dynamics—and why understanding it is the first step to getting unstuck.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Good topic
I got scammed, and the jerk made me feel guilty for stopping giving him my money. He went so far as to tell me to take on debts and give them to him. When I said no, he got angry, and I swore I felt guilty, even though I was the victim. I was forced to block him so that I would not fall again. I can endure many things, from hunger to even physical injuries, but not the feeling of being a bad person. It is a big trigger for me.
Sorry to hear that! I’ve been scanned too except during Covid. I completely feel your pain and guilt and am deeply sorry for what you’re going through. Hope life works well for you.
All of us feel guilty
You feel nasty and esp sleeping with others. They are pure evil
When I was 32 I got the opportunity of a lifetime. I got a new job in Denver. For the first 6 weeks I was happier than I had ever been. Then one Saturday I had just come back from horseback riding in Boulder and was taking a shower before I played tennis in the afternoon. Suddenly I felt as if a black shroud started at my head and fell over my body. I heard the old voice in my head “Who do you think you are?” Despite my best efforts I could not hold onto my happiness and watch it slip away until I became the old Mary, riddled with guilt.
Mary , head high , shoulders relaxed ….the most important person to please is yourself 😊…..
If anyone is dragging you down, it is to intentionally bring you down into their toxic hole 🕳️ ,so don’t go there.
The only time we should ever reach down,is to offer someone a helping hand up .
Smile and stay strong and healthy 🙏🏻✨
@theliftexpert I like that the only time we should ever reach down, is to offer someone a helping hand. Thanks.
I just feel misunderstood. Only people who have been similarly abused or have seen it firsthand get it. Everyone else says the same old “she’s your mother” but it’s never “you’re her daughter”. Very sad, but I’ll be the “villain” it’s better than being a “victim”.
This just happened to me with a new therapist, he said that I needed to stop judging my mom, the funny thing is that I have not judged her, I just told him what she did to me. I have been feeling very angry since then and I don’t know how to get over it.
He kept me thinking that our whole relationship. It was always me trying to get better so that everything would be alright. I can’t believe the things I did to try to please an unpleasable person.
Yep no pleasing narc sil and bully mil
Same here
Relationship with a narcissist is always one sided relationship.
Not only our self imposed guilt , for things we dont have control over, but when you remove yourself from a major narc family member, having to deal with the guilt of the other family members who dont understand or have submitted to this narc.
I feel guilty for falling in love with him
Narcissists guilt trip us because they want us to suffer with them and therefore want us to feel worthless unworthy and as long as we are discouraged feel disconnected they feel better.
Brilliant. And if you try to hold the energy that you’ve done nothing wrong, Narcs don’t like it. They double down on blaming, shaming, and sabotage.
Other people cannot see what the narcissist is putting us through because the narcissist always makes us look good in front of a camera or party where the place they are in makes them feel at home. Narcissists are always on their best behavior when they are in public with us to maintain their positive energy and behavior. The public can never se what goes on behind closed doors 🚪 what the narcissist is putting us through.
Narcissists always feel like we are never good enough for them therefore we feel like we are the ones guilty like guilty in a court of law kind of way.
I felt guilty for being hurt, upset, offended, or ill. I felt guilty for mentioning it. I felt guilty for existing.
I felt that way for a very long time.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You bring calm and peace with your education. Really needed this.
So grateful for this breakdown of concepts for which I had no words. A million thanks!
Used to feel guilty, but your videos have helped make me guilt-free. Whenever in doubt, I do a self assessment by watching your videos. Can’t thank you enough for creating this valuable resource!
My death certificate will state “Guilt” as the thing that killed me.
SAME
I was raised as a trad Catholic. I can not tell you how many times I got on my knees and prayed for forgiveness although I was never sure what exactly my sins were.
Guilty for getting upset when they make you crazy
YES. ALL. THE. TIME. My mom and sister are both narcissists. I felt guilty every time I stood up for myself, as if being a family member meant I was obligated to live with abuse that no one acknowledged or addressed.
Me too.
It’s the gaslighting that is so effective for the guilt.