How to be SUCCESSFUL in the face of narcissistic abuse
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
You are a legend, you have given me a super power. I will never forget your name. If I’m ever rich I’d send you millions.
Move silently. Don’t let them know your whereabouts. Gradually take the time to heal and recover. Rebuild your life. And keep the door shut, don’t let them back in.
Hello @NarcSurvivor. Have a wonderful blessed day. 🙏Stay strong. 💕💪
You are right.
Agree 100000% … and doing so.
Thank you so very much for your on point view of what we have or are going through. You have a wonderful impact and I hope that one day I will be able to help others as well.
My family of origin were looking after one person…themselves ……..the rest of us were treated like trash.
A couple of days ago l sent my nephew a message.
His mother, who is a Malignant Narcissist, often invalidated him.
I prayed that one day when he grew up, he would make his way into my life.
My toxic sister controlled everyone within her clutches, and how they saw me.
I was the only sibling and the empath of the family unit who could see through her facade and evil hidden behind a veil of feigned innocence.
Fast forward 20 years and my prayers have been answered.
I have my nephew close to me..
knows he is loved, validated, simply because it is his birth right.
I tell him often so that he knows what authentic love and care should look like.
He has not escaped the damage of his upbringing so l educate him and bring him awareness.
Because we can’t change what we don’t acknowledge.
This video validated for me that I’m doing what l meant to do as an auntie.
I did my part as a auntie I baby sat from six am to six pm
Fir my brother in law it was never enough …..so I tried to work harder abd I didn’t want him pubicaly embarrassed over my disability
Beautiful 😍 🎉
Looking back to what I did wrong. Instead of what I am doing right! I worked my butt off an got nowhere financially. In the narc family was hard work. My brother the athletic of the family my narc father pro football player in mid 50s -Brother football scholarship to college and quit. Became no good and worthless. It’s hard to reprogram that narcissistic up bringing!!! Ty for sharing Dr Ramani💫
Those who derive their identity from ‘success’ are the same ones who can’t sit still.. they can’t get ‘next to’ themselves. It goes from a good work ethic to a frantic compulsion.
I am glad that I spotted my mother’s moving of the goal posts and dragging that carrot seemingly fast.
For the family business website I’d built, which I wasn’t earning any money from and had built for my parents anyway, I redesigned the look of the site. I knew my mother well enough to know her style and what she would like. But, I could tell that when she looked at it, amongst other things she was doing, she wasn’t happy with it. Not because she didn’t necessarily like it. But, because I did something she could not. It was more important to her, for me to keep slaving, being told I wasn’t quite hitting the note and never getting approval. As I’m not one to take the Sisyphean path and do that which is thankless, I dropped it entirely.
Doctor Ramani. Thank you. What a beautiful explanation and presentation. I appreciate you.
I’m a therapist and one of the ways we explain the difference between (automatic) core beliefs/thoughts and more realistic, helpful thoughts is via the metafor of coach A and B (supportive motivation, not generalising, acknowledging that perfection is not sustainable but learning is of course possible the player wants it, and that enjoying the game and process is very valuable). And the mental, physical & behavioral effects it has on the athlete on the field and off.
Hell yes! I have been belittled so much by the people who are called family that resting feels like a guilt trip to me. I even dislike holidays, as weekdays give me a sense of accomplishment, even if I do nothing.
It was very hard for me to start succeeding professionally and it’s something I’m still struggling with. What helped me was beginning to listen to myself and follow my heart. It also helped that my father supported me, and above all, that it was the main piece of my escape plan and my future. You helped me too Dr. Ramani when you told me I was handling the case I presented to you beautifully. You showed me I could. I can’t thank you enough.
My poor husband has been telling me for 20+ years that I don’t have to “earn” everything. It is very hard to break this habit. Surprisingly, what has been very healing for me was caring for my father during his final years. As there was less and less I could do for him, my focused shifted to just being with him – accompanying him through the end of his life. I got so much happiness just from being with him, without “accomplishing” anything that it enriched my life and made my relationships with my husband and children better. Before, I focused too much on always trying to do more, but in the end it was just being that mattered. I don’t miss the things I used to do with my father. I just miss his presence.
Thank you. That is very insightful and moving. I miss my father’s presence too.
Dr. Ramani, your videos have been a great source of strength. Thank you for doing this. Without you, I would have been stuck in the loop forever.
Thanks so much for caring Dr. Ramani.
Once again, Doctor Ramani, I feel seen and called out at the same time. Thank you for this insightful video. I grew up in a narcissistic family system, and success was both the price of love and the tool for control, because the definition of success was ever shifting, and lack of success was used as an excuse for maltreatment. I have struggled with “success” and feelings of never being enough and feeling that I had to earn love for my entire life. Past the mid-century mark, I am working to redefine what success and being enough mean to me.
I hope you can find balance Dr. Ramani.
You’ve left a body of work that would take years for survivors of toxic abuse to go through and experience the benefits from . . .
Thanks, Dr. Ramani. 💜 This is one of your best videos! The over-achieving, never good enough from a toxic family, that’s me. In the past I have worked myself to exhaustion because only when I am producing do I feel safe. I wonder if I would have achieved as much if I weren’t from a narcissistic family. I needed outside validation from accomplishments to feel okay. The over-functioning driving yourself into the ground is a trap.
Narcissistic relationship are always conditional love and dead end one way transactional relationship. I am frustrated by such expectation and that is my battle. Some of my toxic family members and toxic people, I come across at work and life in general are my tests in this miserable life. I promise my inner child, I will do my best to protect her and my children, even by educating them . Thank you Dr. Ramani. 🙏🌹♥😎