How To Divorce A Covert Narcissist Bully (in under 5 minutes)
How To Divorce A Covert Narcissist Bully? I'm so glad you asked!
In this video, I'll walk you through all 4 divorce options, and tell you which ones are best when you're divorcing a covert narcissist bully. (Spoiler Alert: Not all of them are options for you 🙂
Here are the 4 ways people can divorce:
1. DIY online divorce
2. Mediation
Here's the link to Susan Guthrie's Divorce In A Better Way:
3. Collaborative Divorce
4. Litigation
When you're dealing with a covert narcissist bully, the playing field is not even. You need some power: either from a savvy mediator, the court, or your own power that you can reclaim through coaching.
If you're interested in finding out what it's like to work with me to 1) reclaim your power in an abusive marriage, 2) gather the strength to leave a toxic marriage, or 3) deal with the aftermath of a contentious divorce, please
BOOK A FREE SESSION with me here:
In the meantime, you can learn more about me and my coaching at victoriamccooey.com
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Thank you for the information and thanks for keeping this short.
You’re busy!!!! I get it. You need to get this info FAST 🙂
Yes. Especially when you only have a small window to watch a video when the other party is away from the house.
Yes-it is so stressful to have to look over your shoulder. Thank you for being here.@@VictoriaMcCooey
I am a fan of the short-too the point videos myself- Thank you.
How do you find attorneys that can get the joke into no the narcissist so that you can win you’re hearing
Interview as many as you can and ask a lot of questions around what their experience has been with high conflict divorce 🙂
So in my case, I believe my wife is the VulnerableCovert Narcissist. After 30+ years and two grown children, I have expressed my desiredetermination to divorce. I am perfectly fine with dividing our assets equally and going our separate ways. But I am finding her very reluctant to make any progress. In fact, she is now saying she wonders if I don’t have secret bank accounts given my desire to separate our finances as a first step in dissolving our marriage. I really don’t want to get into a heated legal battle, but is there an alternative? She seems amenable to a fair split, but she is not willing to do it without a lot of stipulations, which are just going to serve to prolong the process. It seems like we are doing the same thing as usual but the topics have changed and I’m not sure she isn’t just as happy to keep this up as long as possible. Help!
It’s true that narcissists love the conflict and the drama of divorce. They are not incentivized to end it. Lots of talking in circles and moving the goal post. That’s why courts usually need to be involved to put an end to it.
They will never stop=I believe. We have damaged their pride and now we must pay. My husband chooses to spend his time punishing me as much as he can instead of making a new life himself and moving on. He is forcing me out of my home knowing that I have no where else to go as my family wants to punish me too. Most days I want to die as I have no power to fight him or the other bullies in my life. I keep fighting because I don’t know what else to do but I am so tired. Breathe.
Oh God-it is so true. They suck soooo bad. They are exhausting.@@VictoriaMcCooey
@@worstHorse12397 Since my original comment I have finally physically separated from my wife and have most finances split. But I just spent the last two weeks at “her” place doing chores for her while she is on vacation in Panama. We have not even filed a final settlement and she is, once again, seemingly happy doing nothing to move us forward. I know, I am not forcing the issue, enough. So if nothing else, and it looks like you have been dealing with it for some time now, you know who the enemy isare. I am still trying to politely explain to my family why it was bad enough to leave her. And she maintains an attitude with my children that she just wants us to get along. It is insidious.
If your a man with children, it does not matter what divorce approach you take. You will lose your house thru a quick claim deed and everything in it.
The investments will transfer to her at about 70 percent. Alimony will be taken from home equity.
Half of all law students are female – which means your getting a female judge with children.
The courts say ” she needs it all for milk for her babies” . The man is told go get 3 jobs – you married her. That is what they said to me as her new boyfriend moved in my house. He became dad and I never saw my kids again. That was 25 years ago. Thank God youtube is now available so men know how family court really works. Divorce lawyers never tell you the truth because they want your money and your hope.
I am so sorry I have not seen these comments sooner-not real familiar with how all this works. I am so glad to hear (you know what I mean) the man’s point of view. I am so sorry you have to feel this pain. I wish you and your children well.
Victoria is right. Collaborative does not work. I got talked into it by my attorney even though I had a bad feeling about it from the start. My narcissist loved every minute of the group meetings that cost a fortune and used the process to abuse me even more. 20k later, his attorney fired him, and we both found new attorneys who took the traditional route. Finally after 2 1/2 years, they divided everything up and finalized the divorce.
Ahhh, Jessica, thanks for the affirmation! Glad you are finally free!
New sub
Thank you so much!
What happens if I am handicapped and unable to speak? This happened to me. He made life so miserable and found many people who were willing to lie for him. He took everything. I couldn’t defend myself. I just wanted to end my misery and be free of him.
He drained my retirement account. (Worth $275,000 in the year 2000).
I am in the same type of boat perhaps. I am disabled now and cannot get to the courts and everything is falling apart in my life. No one cares about middle aged women-especially since trump was accepted. Unacceptable. I wish you well.
Thank you for your videos. I am in the beginning stages of divorcing my passive aggressive covertly narcissistic husband. I am so stressed. I am so glad I did not have kids w/ him. He wants to see me end up homeless and alone. My family is even on his side. I have attempted suicide twice during my marriage to him because of how he makes me feels as a person. I hope all the best for all of you. Meditate often I believe.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I have a group program starting on September 19th that I think might be just what you need. It’s called Narcissist Divorce Bootcamp. You can find out more about it here: https://www.victoriamccooey.com/elementor-landing-page-2926/
Isn’t it funny how the worse they are, the more adjectives we need to use to describe them? Just wanted to give you a giggle for the day.
We also don’t have kids. I often look at it as a blessing. We do however have dog and cat kids which irritates me that there are foundations out there to protect them as much as children but yet the courts only see them as property. In our eyes, they are our kids.
How are you now?
Thank you for asking-not well. Still trying to divorce this horrible man. How are you Lady?@@ladyvirgo013
I’m sorry I did not see this sooner-I will contact you soon. Thank you.@@VictoriaMcCooey
If trying to divorce a narcissist with a common agreement, in which he is offering lot less than should be fair, existing a disabled child whose full custody is going to be given to the mother…what should be recommended in this case? Agreeing and leaving (considerating that the narcissistic parent will remain away from the child) or filing for contested divorce in order to make the narcissistic spouse give what s fair?
Hi Latika! I’d really have to have more background to give you an opinion. If you like, you can book an initial session with me here: https://bit.ly/3lW3QJI
Thank you for being here with us.@@VictoriaMcCooey
Thank you so much!!
Thanks for your comment!
10 months into the divorce & its a nightmare, I feel like my attorney has forgotten shes represents me🤷♀️ I can’t afford a different attorney who will hold him accountable for turning in the discovery and other paperwork requested. Ive cooperated with everything shes asked me to turn in, i feel confident in being prepared and then after each court appearance I leave feeling defeated. I can see why many people don’t make it out of this abuse alive. Narcissist play, scheme, lie & steal people’s lives
I remember being right where you are. It’s infuriating. My best advice is to keep doing what you’re doing. Keep complying with court orders. Keep showing up and turning over your discovery. At some point, the judge will get annoyed enough to start holding him accountable. What you don’t want to do is say to yourself, well if he’s not going to play by the rules, then why should I?
You want the judge to ultimately see that he is the bad buy here and you are the good guy. If you keep doing everything right, the judge will see that when the time finally comes. If you start acting like him, then the judge will just think you’re both alike.
Hope this helps!
Good luck!
@VictoriaMcCooey very helpful and im doing just what you mentioned, I’m cooperative and I answer paperwork in a timely manner. Thanks for taking the time to respond 🙏 Next court date is March 20,next week
I am feeling for you. I am on my 5th attorney and crossing my fingers that this one will stand up for me. I don’t know what else to do . I will be homeless soon. So scared. thank you for being here. I hope something good happens to you today.
I am so glad that you are all here. I wish I realized earlier. I wish you all were not suffering this way but I am “glad” to know that it isn’t just me. You know what I mean. I Aam not preaching, but meditation (and my dog) are the only things I have and without the meditation I woul be in big trouble. If anyone is interested in my opinion-Zen yoga is wonderful- If you like simple and straight forward-i find this style works well for me. I also listen-day and night- to “There Is No such Thing As A Person by Nisargadatta Maharaj on YouTube-I am sorry I do not have a link-I need to learn how. Breathe. Take care everyone. My heart goes out to all of you.@@VictoriaMcCooey
@@worstHorse12397 wow,sorry you are experiencing that🙏