How you were gaslighted by the narcissist’s ‘kindness’
The narcissist says no, shames you for asking, leaves you hurt—then turns around and acts like a hero for giving you what you wanted all along. You’re supposed to feel grateful, even though the emotional whiplash is exhausting. This isn't empathy—it's manipulation. Narcissistic relationships aren't about communication or connection—they're about control, survival, and making you question yourself.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I really hate their fake kindness!!
same
It’s so disturbing because you can’t even imagine how much it contrasts from who they are underneath what they show. It’s also cowardly , because if you can’t be how you truly are to the extent of being fake, how bad can the person underneath be? That’s the question perhaps we don’t even wanna know.
Secrets and lies hide behind the smiles !
Agree it’s proof that they just sealed another new friend. Oh and btw you can call me whenever you like when you have clearly gone no contact. I would like to ask add R how do we not blame ourselves for falling for it.
Same, it feels so fake, you know they don’t even like you, but they need you.
That, “damn…this is not good for me” moment is the one to go with, to hold onto as you leave.
“These are decent people and care I about them” are words they’ll never hear, process, or care about. We don’t have to make it about them, they do that for themselves. The thing we wanted to work out will never work out. Our minds and bodies are always drained, our nervous system on overdrive. It is horrible on our health. Detrimental
Yeah they say that to manipulate so that you think they care
Children suffer the most. As a child of a malignant-vulnerable narcissist, I was mind #!*#!* to believe the non-narcissistic parent was the bad guy. She wasn’t. I believed my father was kind and my savior. He was my abuser. It took me decades to see through the fog. He had me on edge all the time as a child and I blamed my mom. It really is the children who suffer the most. Always.
I’m in This situation with my 3 elementary aged kids and this kind of promise/disappointment is consistent with my ex and kids. I try to be age appropriate honest with my kids (Daddy says stuff all the time that he doesn’t mean) or I don’t tell the kids about plans until I’m certain it will actually happen. What do I do to minimize the damage to OUR relationship? It heartbreaking to me but I’ve also told them that I left their Dad because he isn’t nice to me and that is NOT ok.
I was kind of a naive and gullible kid, so maybe. Bygones! 😢
They seem like honey is dripping but actually poisonous..
I learned the hard way that someone who gives you unsolicited advice is a red flag. I remove a relationship with them as soon as I find it. 🚩
yup, narcissists are always going to condescendingly offer the ‘obvious solution’ or the ‘thing you did wrong.’
What they will Never do is actually help unless they get something for it.
Secrets and lies are behind their smiles !
I grew up in a severely narcissistic family system, to the point where even to this day, I tend to put things on hold or wait until all my ducks are in a row before I do anything.
Yes! The panic at uncertainty…
Yes, “living in that back and forth universe” is extremely exhausting and difficult. Narcissists are pros at gaslighting and making you feel that it was their idea initially to be accommodating and gracious. In actuality, they were difficult, raging and a ‘kill joy’ to every suggestion that you would make!
1333 views in 48 mins of the upload – this means that we are not alone! It means we have others who know the isolation, the effects of the manipulation, the disappointment, and wondering if it will ever get better. We aren’t alone in this torment! I pray for our eyes to be open to opportunities to be set free from the narcissist 🙏❤️🙏❤️
Make a safety plan. You don’t always have everything you need when you have to leave in a hurry.
” Your Seducer becomes your Perpetrator becomes your Rescuer,” yikes!
Horror movie
Sheesh! All this time I just thought I was being unadaptable. Every family engagement was so stressful – there were so many pivots because he changed his mind or wanted things done differently only to shift back to the original plan after I had changed the plan to suit him. So many outings ruined, so many dinners ruined, so many get togethers ruined because he had to control everything.
Dissappoinments, shock and awe dysregulates your nervous system, heeping you stuck in fight or flight.
” You get accustomed to the cycles of disappointment and panick” Its like emotional shock treatment.
They’ll stomp you down for the sole purpose of wanting you to ask them for help. It’s really sickening. They’re just that desperate for power, control, and attention.
Some of them will be desperate and ask YOU IF YOU NEED HELP. If you fall for it and say YES they will use that as their new source of attention, guilt trip you or whatever they always do. If you say NO or in my case..I said NO and straight up call mom out about how she plan to use it as her new source of attention we resort into a drama.
And they will “help” you in a haphazard way that humiliates and disorients you. When you speak on it, they will call YOU controlling and ungrateful. Smh
my ex creates destruction around the apartment, then asks how he can help, then tells me why he won’t do that one thing. For example right now we have a huge mess and half a roll of paper towels because he makes a pile of them every meal.
‘Can I help?’
‘please buy paper towels’
‘we still have a roll.’
it never ends. at some point he’ll break the sink faucet too or something to make it more impossible.
This brought me such clarity! I never realized that I put up with this as an adult because it’s EXACTLY HOW I WAS RAISED!
The smaller cuts totally do just as much over time, I wish others saw it. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Narcissists play with people and their lives like they’re TOYS.
My parents were the exact opposite – promises to do a positive thing. Then at the last minute words of “I’m sorry, we can’t afford to pay you $1.00 for each A you received.”
I appreciate the short weekly videos because sometimes it’s hard to continuously remind myself to not go back to believing them. But having you validate my experiences helps me stand strong.
In the beginning, it feels like you’ve met the kindest, most affectionate person in the world. They are gentle, caring, and seem to mirror your every move. You might dismiss their lack of intimacy as shyness, not realizing that they are simply reflecting you back to yourself. As time passes, you notice something unsettling. they rarely express love in their own words. Instead, they respond with robotic phrases like, “I feel the same way,” or “I love you just as much.” They never voluntarily tell you they miss you or love you just because. You start wondering if they even have real feelings. In response, you try harder–showing more love, breaking down their walls hoping they’ll reciprocate. But they don’t. Their withholding feels like insecurity or trust issues, but in reality, it’s something deeper. You get lost trying to make sense of their actions, but there is no logic, only confusion. Eventually, you become drainedmentally, emotionally, even physically. You either gain or lose weight, feel constantly anxious, and struggle to maintain peace within yourself. You take on more responsibilities, making their life easier while yours feels isolated and empty. One day, they seem into you, and the next, they pull away. When you express your concerns, they dismiss them, reassuring you with empty words. You begin suppressing your feelings, convinced you’re too sensitive. They’re physically present, yet emotionally absent. If you ever confront them about the disconnect, they’ll gaslight you—making you feel insecure for even asking. If you cry, they won’t comfort you; they’ll scroll through their phone or continue eating as if nothing is happening. Their words never match their actions. Over time, you feel like you don’t even know them. Their emotional intelligence is so off, it’s as if you’re teaching a child how to feel.
They keep every aspect of their life private family, finances, phone, friends. At first, it seems like personal boundaries, but after years, it feels like secrecy. They promise things but never follow through. They isolate you yet pretend they’re doing nothing wrong. When you question them, they act confused, making you over-explain yourself. Even their apologies are manipulative empty words with no change in behavior.
They’ll make you doubt reality. For example, they might give you $200 to pamper yourself but won’t invite you to Christmas dinner. They disappear for hours, then bring you breakfast as if that erases their absence. If you question them, they twist it to make you feel like the problem. Even intimacy is empty. Sex is routine no passion, no deep connection, no foreplay. Just mechanical. In the beginning, they might put in effort, but it fades quickly. No cuddling, no deep kissesjust another transaction. You’ll constantly wonder why their schedule changes so often, why they’re always so secretive. You might even become afraid to Google their name, scared of what you’ll find. Deep down, you know something is off, but by the time you realize it, you’re in too deep,trapped in their web of deception. And yes, they are always cheating. They exhaust themselves hiding it abusing caffeine, using ED meds, sneaking off with a secret phone, manipulating finances. They take long bathroom breaks, change work shifts unexpectedly, and always have excuses. If you ever catch them, they’ll gaslight you with nonsense explanations. Even if you track their location, they’ll claim Google is wrong.
Additionally, If you need to find out about a Cheating Narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com