I’m NOT trauma bonded but I CAN’T leave the narcissist
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
This is me! Thank you 💕 No trauma bond but the minor children, that keep me stuck. It’s so hard 😢
100% thank you so much ❤ I just can’t wait for the time to come to get my life and joy back and to breathe again 🙏🏻
I wish I would have had the guts to leave when my children were little. There are no guarantees in life, but I wouldn’t be filled with regrets now.
If you own a house together, some people bond on the joy of ownership.
I promised him that I would never make him leave his home, I would leave.
Anyone ever wonder if the narcissist knows or even cares that you’re trauma bonded, and NOT actually interested in them?
I think they care in the sense that they need to satisfy their addiction. Isn’t the trauma bond the whole point of all their antics?
Edit: *most of their antics. I’ve seen my narcissist do things that defy explanation. No human would ever do that. I think the rest of their antics is the demons need to satisfy it’s addiction to chaos.
Also: No. The narcissist doesn’t care how we feel or why we feel it. As long as it’s needs are met.
Can you talk about how misogyny and narcissism is the same thing
@@tfkdandsvkc I second this. It is a nuanced discussion and most people don’t get nuance. Most women think it’s personal specifically because they’re women and it’s not.
Misandry too! Two birds of a feather get stoned together🤔
Wishful trauma bonded thinking. Best we can do is picture the Narcissist as empty, nothing- in terms of their insight- they don’t get empathy at all , this is just me just what I have learned. Not everyone that is ill is a Narcissist. A borderline might think that but mental illness fills up the entire persons psyche. My experience.
We’re outliers. Thank you for giving a voice to the voiceless.
This is my situation. If I had money I would be gone. I have severe FM and cannot support myself. I have no contact with my narc family of origin. I know what he is. I am eternally grateful to you for giving me tools to navigate it and bringing a measure of peace to me.
I, too, have chronic health issues (Lyme disease, mold illness, etc.), which means that I have no money. But for me, it’s not a spouse that I live with, but my narc family of origin. I’m stuck for life.
I will be thinking about you.
Hope to see you here again.
Stay strong. You’ve got this!
@@janeylynn5934 Hope this helps you. It’s from a YouTube channel called Pain Free You with Dan Buglio. It’s a success testimony of healing lyme disease.
https://youtu.be/LWtBxOciDvg?si=oT3SCRVM4adwjNQ1
@lambinwolfsclothing Right there with you. I think it makes them happy because they know we can’t leave …… YET. I’m depending on God to provide me a way!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
@@lambinwolfsclothing sorry. I am disabled too, ME/CFS. I believe it is because of the toxicity from my family of origin and my narc ex.
It’s worst than being trauma bonded because there is no way out at the moment. You’re literally stuck. You’re in a place where you are invisible, not acknowledged, and left to fend for yourself. They carry on with their lives as if you never existed, while you suffer in silence and pray for a way out. Oftentimes I wonder why they even exist. It’s as if God takes all of the good people and leave the evil, wicked trash to torment us.
@@lindamcwilliams9056 I believe they are a test for us. God gives his strongest children the hardest battles. Most people I know would never survive the things I’ve been through.
@@ErinP79 You are so right. The same for me as well.
My life too… no trauma bond anymore but financially stuck for the time being.
9 year old son who adores his dad.
Get through the days reading and listening to Dr Ramani, EMDR helps too 🌸
Same here. Not trauma bonded but need him to pay half.
@@SoniaPeters-i4w I’ve always thought that children should be protected from adult issues. I’m happy to hear that he is good to his son. Most narcissistic fathers are annoyed by their children.
The hard thing that I had to accept was that my life had shifted from emotional crises to other crises that were harder to get out of. An emotional crisis will drag you down to a place where you are losing money, jobs, healthy connections, material assets. Then, once you are no longer emotionally stuck you are stuck in other ways. Ways that can be harder to rebound from.
Thank you Lonnie, you nailed it.😢
This.
I was living in the twilight zone. I’d tell friends what I was going through and they didn’t believe me. Their brain couldn’t get past the optics. It was so lonely. Lonely and eye opening.
The church doesn’t understand my past…😢
@@richardjohanson6421 I’m so sorry. That for me was a difficult realization. This entire ordeal certified my atheism. To them demons and devils are an abstract concept. Words on paper in a book. We truly are in this on our own.
I know how you feel
Also the same. I have no one to talk to about this. What is worse is that the narcissist puts on the good behavior in public making us look like the ideal couple. And then what’s worse than that is the financial abuse. I didn’t even know he took out a loan using our house as collateral without my signature! He spends his way into a deep hole with $60 a night dinners. If you go to a lawyer the lawyer will divide equally the charge card balances even though you prove you didn’t rack up a restaurant and bar bill. After my heart attack I don’t drink!
Life gets so much when the blocks to peace and joy are removed!
I am NOT TRAUMA BONDED. But I’m not stupid. I KNOW I don’t have the means to FINANCIALLY SUPPORT myself.
same here
@@lorycrofts8747 me too. The financial stronghold, my “husband” has over me is suffocating
I don’t want to be with him at all, and I don’t want him to have any custody of my children
Same here
Yes, this is ME. I’m depressed very often. However I do have coping tools and my own car and friends. I have things I love to do. I could use more support and that doesn’t happen enough. I basically have very little extended family. I don’t get out because of all the nonsense that would occur. Love this video
GIRL! You just told my whole story!! I am right where you just described!! That is my Life, right now😮
Thank you for saying this Dr. Ramani! The trauma bonded narrative never spoke to me, but this one made my heart sing -yes!!!!!! I am using the time now with my 4 teenage kids to teach them boundaries, proper emotional responses and resilience. Although they will not see a loving parent relationship, I can at least teach them other stuff. When I finally leave, I will share a bit more about what a loving relationship looks like and that is about all I can do. The daily grieving is real.
Finally, the video I’ve been wanting. Being stuck can be such a prison since their narc behavior doesn’t change, even when your feelings and trauma bond do. It’s so tough. Once that trauma bond goes, there’s so much anger. There’s got to be a reverse version of narc rage — like narc-victim rage! I pray that one day, there are better resources for disabled people who are stuck with their narcs bc of health issues. Thank you for this Dr. Ramani!
I definitely feel this! I agree, the rage in this prison is unreal. I wish I could make it go away and just feel nothing. The injustice of it is unbearable. The whole situation is so inhumane.
Through my experience the anger does eventually go away. I’m at the point when if I’m upset I’ll cry, but rarely angry. Most of the time I’m not even surprised anymore at the abuse and expect it. You eventually learn to accept this is how they are and are no longer angry. Disgusted perhaps. But not extremely angry. I hope that helps. It’s a bit less tiring when the anger dissipates, so that’s something.
I pray you can get out and live a safe happy life ❤
*I am working with other thrivers beyond parental narcissistic abuse to form a foundation to help those who are not trauma bonded but stuck in narcissistic abuse due to money or chronic illness. We have the money to start but are working with vetted psychologists, lawyers, patrons and other vetted business professionals to start small and proceed ethically and also avoid the traps of narcissists. We want to be able to financially help those who sincerely want to get out of a narcissistic parental relationships and thrive.*
_I truly believe in 50 years or less narcissistic parental abuse will be a felony. We cannot go back! The primary reason I was not stuck in a narcissistic relationship was due to an unexpected inheritance from an aunt, education and great physical health & mental health therapy. I show gratitude everyday._
Thank you Dr. Ramani! 💞
Where are you, and what is the name of your foundation?
@@NolanZ37 I always wish there was some type of community/commune I could move to. Everyone who needs to get away from the abuse and get support. Or at least just AWAY from the narc we’re stuck with
@@NolanZ37 I believe we should be able to sue both parents and ex spouses if we become disabled.
I’m stuck watching my parents’ inheritance get drained away by the Narcs who have burrowed into me with tentacles I cannot extricate. It’s like I’m living in a Matrix pod being sucked dry of all life, but instead of being compensated with beautiful fantasies of a better life, I am fully aware of the abuses I suffer daily at their hands.
Wow! Thank you! I am waiting for the circumstances to be right for me and my children to say “This is it. I am done with you.”
It is so reassuring to know that I’m not alone in this experience.
For sure
I am crying. After 32 yrs. I left very recently with $25 after he emptied all accounts in the middle of the night then sent me a terrifying email. Once he left I grabbed my 2 little dogs, a handful of clothes and ran out the door. Through the grace of god and the generosity of a couple of wonderful people I was alone. I just can’t believe I was so stupid I never understood what was going on. I am scared and I need to be free of him. Grief is a powerful emotion.
May God bless you and keep you safe, so happy you took your dogs with you ❤🙏🙌
You were never stupid. They want us to think that way. Gaslighting at its finest.
@@lauriey3417 stay strong. Crying helps get those bad feelings out. Keep repeating “It’s Not Me”. Keep watching Dr. R. She’s amazingly insightful and very very helpful. I’m so glad you took your fur babies! Peace and love to you.💕
One thing I really appreciate about Dr Ramani is how she emphasizes that the abuse victim can’t always leave. We do so many gross things to abuse victims by expecting them to silently take the abuse while we judge and criticize them and demand they do what we say about it and while they sacrifice themselves to protect everyone else from the abuser and abuse in general, with no resources or support. The system itself is coercive and controlling and so much of current pop psychology makes those systems stronger.