Is it easier to FORGIVE when a narcissist is DEAD?
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My narcissist dead, for 3 years now,and I am still in RAGE and PTSD. Forgiveness is far away for me, still.
Im sorry u still going theough it 😢 May u heal even without “forgiving them”. U dont need evergoing triggers in your life. ❤️🩹❤️❤️
Ask God to help you forgive him bc unforgiven cause a lot of harm for you. Bless you 🙏
It’s because his/her introject in your mind is still actively twisting your way of thinking. (Introject means internal projection of someone in your mind.)
You need to silent that introject and take back the control.
Of course it’s easier said than done..
@@mhba4866 which one?
Mine has been dead for about that long too. As time goes on, I get triggered less and the CPTSD has lessened considerably, although I still find myself getting in a rage sometimes. It is so nice not having that extra layer of crap in my life.
You are my Savior Dr.Ramani ❤ I’m sane because of you… forever grateful for your existence 🙏
I shiver to think what my world would be without her.
❤❤❤️❤️❤️
When God allows us to carry heavy burdens, He never lets us do it alone. He walks those steps with us. He also sends His angels to comfort and help us. You, Dr Ramani, are one of Gods special angels and helpers! Thank you God and Dr Ramani. 🙏
@@marcamp5450 Absolutely Agree with you 💯
Same
It might be easier because you don’t have to worry about them popping up with another drama filled social media post.
I can never forgive them. They chose to destroy me for their benefit.
Forgiveness releases you. You forgive for your sake. It doesn’t mean what they did is ok. Bless you 🙏
Me too, I will NEVER forgive them. And they NEVER asked for forgiveness EVER!
Yeah. There are some really mean, disgusting people in this world.
@@mhba4866please watch Dr ramanis videos on forgiveness and stop spreading these hurtful and useless tropes. Thanks
@@mhba4866 Religions and Society’s bull crap of forcing the real victims to “forgive” is how the real victims become the perpetrators and evil abusers, one preacher f-ing young boys in the azz to the next preacher to the next preacher, one generation to the next, they continue their evil cycle of fake “goodie goodie” for them to find “justice” … so, seriously, stop trying to make yourself sound so dignified by telling others what to do and how to feel under your delusional “God” …
I think that we miss the TRUTH. It is harder to forgive someone who died without ever being exposed and confronted.
Exactly what I was thinking!
Great point.
EXACTLY! What happened, was what I already assumed would happen. That my mother would die, leaving me with the knowledge and burden, of her deeds and intents. That my sister would never know what those intentions were and I’d be seen as the villain, who simply dumped my own mother. That mom would get away with it all and the only person burdened with the task of repentance and forgiveness, would be me.
@@privateprivate8366 I am so sorry that you had to experience that. My heart goes out to you.❤🩹
Please be assured that nobody actually gets away with anything. We will all be held to account by the one perfect judge, in the end.
Exactly! But, they would turn it on you if confronted, closure is not possible even when they were alive. That’s how I see it, no matter what It would have been the same as usual
“They’re all dead. They just don’t know it yet.” – The Crow (1994, movie)
Dead Inside. Yes.
Narc dad died last year, a year after his son. I don’t feel the need to forgive him even in death. He is the reason why I lost my brother on top of the abuse he exposed us to along with narc enabling mom. I was happy when I learned he died,but at the same time felt shame and guilt over it. I see a lot of my mother in my friends.
At first I couldn’t understand how I would be relieved. But then I began to understand I just wanted to hurt and not be able to reach out and hurt me anymore. To demand I meet her needs. To listen to her rage I just needed that to stop so I could have sanity and peace. It is painful enough that her words play from the corners of my mind even though logically I Know I Am not all the Awful Things She told me I was when She was angry.
Sorry about the But it seems that talk to text needs to capitalize things I don’t understand.
My father tormented me for decades. He’s dead now. I will never forgive him.
And you never need to. What he did was unforgivable.
You can live freely and happily just fine without ever having to forgive those evil abusers.
I say this all of the time, no quarter. None.
It is different for everyone. I don’t think you can ever forgive what they have done but you can move forward with the healing process.
Absolutely right I have completely healed and no I will never forgive my dead ex-boyfriend who was incredibly abusive in many ways.
Never forgive, even after they die. They don’t get exposed most of the time, they never have any remorse.
My narcissist died unexpectedly this year. I found out just how bad he really was after he died. Lies he told about me, secrets I told him that he told others. So many lies and omissions about his past, including history of assaulting women, I guess I should count myself lucky. He’d gone to rehab but took a deep dive back in it soon after he got out.
I’m hurt, angry, a little relieved, sad. It’s been awful, I’m very empathetic and I work as a nurse. I’ve had to take time off work, and my supervisor is not supportive.
At the time this happened, I was distancing myself, I knew there was something not right but wasn’t sure what. The week before he died I asked him if he had ever been diagnosed with NPD and he was deeply offended. Sometimes I want to hire a detective and discover his other victims and write a book, sometimes I want to forget I ever met him. I tried to be forgiving at first but I heard you say something about you not forgiving a narcissist from your past and you slept just fine at night. Hearing that helped a lot. I’m just allowing myself to feel what I feel and I may go through all grief stages in one day or may be okay for several, I just can’t predict how I’m going to feel, and I work somewhere that requires a lot of empathy and patience. Some days I feel like I have nothing left to give.
I think forgiveness is for people afraid that Jesus won’t forgive you for
your sins… But Jesus forgives everyone and gives an extra chance to
change on Judgement Day. To forgive is to really mean it, and you can’t.
When I was told that the uncle who s*xually *bused me and two of my younger cousins was dead, my reaction of “So” seemed to shock the bearer of the news. Was more emotion expected of me? Obviously. Was I going to exert the energy? No.
I was called cold and unfeeling. I agree. Fake forgiveness is not in me… even for the dead.
To me your response is absolutely normal and understandable. The others if they are aware of what happened are way out of touch and delusional.
@lilianfowler7988 Thank you. For the briefest moment, I wondered if I was emotionally broken… the moment passed, the spine still shines💪
“YOU’RE cold and unfeeling.” WTH. They must be crazy!
Look, I try to step into some of these feeble minds, wondering what’s turning in there, and am just microscopically forgiving. Here’s why.
They may not be basing their standard of forgiveness on the acts of the abuser. First, many people feel as though there really isn’t any deed worse than death. That, unless they committed murder, death is too high a price to pay, for their misdeeds. Second, to forgive is to be godly. Maybe even that being unforgiving, is to be vengeful and revenge is god’s task. Some people may feel there’s still a better person inside the narcissist so, let’s focus on that because, after all, they may have said good morning to someone.
Note that all of that means nothing to me. I haven’t forgiven and don’t intend to.
You’re right, but I would have said something “good riddance, now the b-ard is burning in [LOWER HOT REGION]!”
@@privateprivate8366 Vengeance is for God to exact, forgiveness is for God to grant. I am not God. (I’m so good with my flawed human self)
i can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought this! I don’t even see it in terms of “forgiveness” but just a release of the judgment, shame, and dread around every corner and the hold it has on me. No contact helps, but it’s not “enough.” (Especially when having to coparent). Thanks for the validation, Dr. R.!
Forgiveness should not be set as a goal for any reason. It is yet another of those happy endings the society wants to force upon the victims, another urban legend !
My narcissistic father abused me for years, died by suicide, blamed me and disinherited me. In my heart, I forgive — but the damage he caused has been unfathomable. I’m relieved he’s gone. Only beginning to live in my early forties.
Forgive but not forget, that’s how I feel, and the forgive is for my mental health. I am at a starge where I don’t give a f*ck what people think anymore. I don’t owe anything to anyone
I was 4 years trapped living w abuse. Almost died. I will NEVER forgive hER. I m trying to forgive myself for my stupidity. Learning about these demons and their evil masks. Thank you for teaching. Understanding this subject, is helping me understand my relationships from birth. Im 70 now, ruminating, disabled and learning and grieving.
I can relate and so sorry you experienced those horrors.
Me too, and I’m in my 70s now too.
I have had several near death experiences and been left for dead when I was a child at the hands of my mother.
😢
@@sueg2658 😢😢
I will not forgive even after my parents die. They damaged my whole life and it is unforgivable. What I AM doing is moving on and not giving them any space in my head much less my life.
The only person I need to forgive is myself, for getting involved with the narcissist in the first place.
It was not your fault atleast completly
This part. Until I have healed myself and forgiven myself and am completely secure and safe, I don’t care about forgiveness
And that step is SO hard because we DID fall for the easy praise that they provide to feed our insecure hearts and keep us under their spell forever. So we blame ourselves until we learn that we did not know any better. Healing hugs to you.
Exactly, forgive yourself and be kind to yourself, we live, learn, and strengthen.
it is impossible to truly hold forgiveness when the person you’ve forgiven refused to stop offending you. on top of that, they think they have done nothing wrong, and don’t care about anyone else’s feelings. no matter if they are dead or alive.
how i felt when my narcissist parent died: there were flying champagne corks, screams of exhilaration, an internal feeling of immense relief, peace and a sudden realization that i had my life back.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Forgiveness is not something I ask of myself. Rather, I desire to reach a state of acceptance – leaning into the idea of no longer struggling against something but instead finding comfort in the greeting of a new day.