Kindness is NOT an excuse for enabling
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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I hate when they call you “overly sensitive” then they keep enabling a narcissist with its own $hitty behaviour.
I was also told “you’re overthinking”, amongst other manipulative crap.
It’s so annoying! I just posted a comment that when someone says I’m “too sensitive” I shrug and say “maybe you are insensitive.”
@@FoxyGirlWonderomg yes!
@@nikola4986 Saying, “You’re over-sensitive,” to invalidate someone is specifically listed on any description of emotional abuse. It’s abuse when others do it to shut you up about abuse, too.
It’s actually a very subtle form of gaslighting.
The kind of “kindness” Dr. Romani is talking about is willful blindness and secondary abuse.
Thank you over, & over again Doctor Ramani. I’m surrounded by them. I’m surrounded by all of them. The narcs, the enablers, & the ones who would blame me for walking away from all of these sorts of toxic relationships.
@@HonaMalta I’m so sorry for you and I totally understand. Your narcs must be covert because they are more believable than those of us who are empathetic. My prayers are with you and I wish I had answers. I pray constantly however I guess it isn’t Gods time to answer with freedom. My faith is still strong and I hope yours is too🙏🏻❤️
Don’t let god be the enabler
@@janisnewman1832 It’s tough. But, thank God, I’m handling it. I have to!
@@clhartel7482 I understand you. Especiallly that the narcs in my society, use “God” a lot, as a part of their manipulation tactiques. And they can always get a lot of fans!
Exactly 👏👏👏. It’s just mindblowing how, once the victim tries to defend themselves, everybody immediately rushes to defend the… abuser and gaslight the victim. Unfortunately we live in a narcissistic society so those monsters are majority and they rush to defend each other and help the abuse, pain and manipulation to continue
This is so true. With me, I’ve found the enablers are endless. The narcissist, my husband, picks up new ones every day. He constantly joins groups and “meets people.” The narcissist is charming. When they see the cancer ridden wife, they look away like they’ve seen a ghost. The enablers are enamored with his charm and ability to pay for things. Yet I got a tongue lashing when an ER visit cost $100. He spends that much on dinners out for one night for himself.
@@mqua4610well said. I am so sorry 😢
🙏
I had shared (mistakenly) much about my difficult past with a “Christian” couple I knew. I was told to go home and “save” my family. This is how I came to view this couple – I felt like they were outside of a war zone, sitting in lounge chairs sipping ice tea. As people came out of the battle, beaten and bloodied this couple would say good job now get back in there as they sat back down and continued drinking their ice tea.
That sounds horrible and VERY frustrating!
Excellent analogy 👍❤️
“When the Whole Institution Abuses Via Active Denial” is the book we may all have to write a chapter for
I watched the video twice. I just want you all guys to know is what doctor Ramani says:”Don’t let enablers fuel your self-doubt.” This is really important. You are a good person and be kind to yourself❤
Every time Dr R drops an f bomb an angel gains its wings 😅 please never stop cursing
Ha! I like to think the angel is a badass, just like Dr Ramani. And every time the Fbomb is said, an angel gets another tattoo. 😂
@@Alakaholic2011 😂😂😂😂
@@WithAnEss 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂 I’m here for it!!!!!❤
Distancing oneself from narcissistic relationships is self-kindness and even clear-headed sanity. Thank you for your guidance and clarity. This video brought me back up from the depths today.
I may have lost a group of friends, but I cringe when I think of situations where my kindness made me one of the enablers.
“Maybe you’re not depressed. Maybe you’re just surrounded by assholes “.
One of my favourite quotes.
@@beverlystover3987 😄👌
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y 👍
@@beverlystover3987 🤣
100%! 👍
Same!
I’m constantly shamed for keeping healthy boundaries, accused of being unforgiving because I don’t want to be around repeatedly unapologetically abusive people. I don’t get why they can’t see it’s actually being unkind to me to try to force me to be around unsafe people! I matter too! Protecting myself for sure. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
“In order for them to be honest about who you are, they’d have to be honest about what they did.” They don’t see it because it implicates their shitty behavior, that they’re friends with an abusive person. You are who you hang around with…
Some people see the world they way they want it to be while others see the world as it is.
When your parent is the enabler and does everything they can to preserve their cognitive dissaonance and avoid the harsh reality, it’s a different kind of invalidation and neglect. You think you may have that one person on your side but then you realize they were only placating you and denying responsibility.
@@alyssamaze5812 I can so relate!
@@jrhc3827 Me too, my mom was a big enabler of my older sister, let get tantrums all the time haver her way and even ask my sister for her forgiveness when she was the one at fault !! But for me I had to be quiet and not fight with my sister, I couldn’t never resolve any issue, because I shouldn’t fight and I should satay quiet even when I was right.
I love how you imitated people that say such things as “you have only one mother etc”. These people actually LACK empathy, these people cannot really put themselves in a shoes of a person that’s sharing a very real and traumatic experience. These are the people you should watch out from. I rarely speak about my experiences because most of the people are like this – they will just say the thing without even thinking how of a real experience this is for you.
Please don’t stop cursing Doc. It’s real and authentic and we’re all grownups.
The “fcuk you” was so sweet 🙌🏽 & necessary! Unfortunately its not only narcs you lose sometimes, it’s whole villages of enablers! I also remove myself from people who are enablers and enablers of the enablers!
Intelligent kindness. We need intelligent kindness. Kindness without intelligence is gullibility.
Thank you for this video it was so validating. It’s exhausting when you try to speak your truth and are being told “but that is your mother”. It is hard enough to accept these circumstances especially having one a narcissist and the other parent an enabler. I never had a safe space in the family home.
“It’s easier to write off the person who is being abused as being the problem.” 💯% true! Thank you Dr. Ramani.
After we become conscious of the abuse and the abuser, there are stages of recovery. Anger at the injustice and expressing our pain are justified and managed appropriately. There are more stages to go through, too, without staying stuck in any of them. All of it takes a long time and a lot of self-compassion.