Learning to ATTUNE TO OURSELVES when the narcissist never did
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Thanks Dr. Ramani. Oh, that all of us could have been the child on the other side of the phone. Thank you for your truth and transparency ❤
Oh my goodness, I choked up when you were telling that the mom said, can we put a pin on it, I want to stay attuned to my daughter. And then again when you said the attuned child might have wings instead of weights on her back. And this is from someone who’s 95% numb all the time. Grief indeed. 😢 Thank you, Dr Ramani!
People that comes from happy families really don’t understand or even have idea how is feels growing in a painful environment. I’m still trying to handle it the way I can. Thank you so much Dr Ramani, blessings to everyone 🙏
I totally agree with you. The other day Dr. Ramani’s talk was just about that. She suggested not even trying to talk to them about any of this because they are incapable of understanding. I am a recovering alcoholic and we used to refer to these people as “earth people” because the could never understand what we were talking about.
Tolstoy wrote that happy families were alike but unhappy ones were unique in their dysfunctional quality
My son just wanted his dad to go fishing with him, this meant a lot to him. His dad didn’t like fishing, didn’t enjoy watching sports (even though he played them in school).
Recently, his adult son has been asking him to shoot pool with him. He would go meet but wouldn’t always shoot pool.
What surprised me was he pulled out the fishing card.
He asked him if he wanted to go fishing. My boy was shining thinking his dad wanted to fish the next evening. It never happened. It tested how much it meant to him, still.
However, the next day my son said it really didn’t matter. I pray these are learning moments and he learns from them.
What a crappy way to treat his son. I know exactly how your son feels. Mom did the same…build up my most cherished hope; just to yank the rug out from under me.
Fishing is a disease that my son inherited from his grandfather and gave to me.
–Once, in Wisconsin, we shot pool all night, shut down the bar when he was 12.
–However, my dad would never come camping with me when I was a Boy Scout. He said he saw all he needed in the army (WW2).
This video was a tear jerker 😢 with some good sarcastic chuckles sprinkled in. 😊
No words could express the relief, validation, and healing I glean from these videos done by the masterful Dr Ramani. ❤❤❤thank you 🙏🙏🙏
It did resonate deeply. I felt some grief when Dr. Ramani said “that ship has sailed” for her. These feelings are from the heart. She is a treasure that my ship has found.
I recently lost an old friend when I took a phone call that I should have let go to voicemail. My mistake, and when he told me he was bothered I apologized. But the fact that I took the call sent my now former friend into a rage because he suddenly wasn’t the center of attention. He announced that from now on I was to obey him or else he would leave.
A 25 year friendship died in 20 minutes. Welcome to narcissism.
Sad but true, cuz they don’t care about 25 years ago any more than they look ahead 20 minutes into the future.And they must be satisfied AT ANY PRICE right there and then. Walking on eggshells does not make it safer, either. You lost an acquaintance of impossibly high maintenance, definitely not a friend. Peace
An acquaintance of impossibly high maintenance -I love it!
Beautifully explained. Thank you 🎉
I basically had to leave the PLANET when my father was on the phone! Was not allowed to be in the room, and had to show no signs of life when I was barricaded in a room at the end of the house.
So horrible. Big Hug.
My kids even understand that when children don’t get the love and care and positive guidance from their parents that kids end up with emotional and mental health issues.
Grateful that my husband and I work amazing as a team. The way we know is when anyone asks my kids if they are a mammas boy or daddy’s girl and they are confused with this kind of question and say both 😂 and this is how it should be.
Your right on point again Dr R ❤
I’m crying right now, because I had two narcissistic parents , they completely isolated me, I couldn’t have any friends, now I’m 45 and live like a hermit, every therapist that I ve seen(since I was 18) encouraged me to make friends , to find my “soul family”, but as Dr. Ramani said , the happy people won’t be friends with me, I personally feel that nobody will ever be friends with me
❤❤❤ I hear you
I hear and feel you too. And I’m 57. Gave myself a harsh talking to in middle of night, again, that I must let the past die, like disappear, and be the person I would dream of being. Baby steps but keep the visual there and live as if. Otherwise I won’t survive this. And I must be there as the mom my adult kids deserve. WE must. Ok?
I wish you happiness. I hope you will be able to make friends. Stay positive.
YES!!!! This resonates with me so much.
Same ❤️🩹 my rescue cats are truly my family ♥️ because mine was the enemy camp 💔
“I imagined that sweet kid I heard on the phone having wings instead of weights on her back. That the world seemed safe and happy to her. That her weekends were something to look forward to. And that she knows she’s valued and cherished.”
This truly made me tear up. It’s so rare. And there’s no such thing as perfect – I’m sure that child has difficult days and so does her parent. Life happens. The key difference is being able to show up authentically and vulnerably in order to grow together and push past the difficult moments. Thank you for sharing this Dr. Ramani. ♥️
Oh Dr Ramani, there you go again, posting just what I needed when I needed it. I recently downloaded a Reparenting handbook from Adult Children of Alc’s and Dysfunctional families. It’s my weekend project to dive in. Numbing with alcohol and tv isn’t working. I’m so grateful to have awoken from a painful night to hear this from you. And to read from others who understand. 🙏🏼💕
Hang in there this weekend. I know that routine all too well. Good on you for working on your healing. Scary, lonely, worth it! 💪♥️
This video brought tears to my eyes. Neither one of my parents would ever do that for me. This video definitely brought up some painful memories and the same kind of grief you felt. Thank you and many blessings Dr. Ramani.
That’s me🙋♀️ Awesome childhood, amazing parents, super close family, communication works, unconditional love works, being a team with your partner, sticking by each other through thick and thin etc…. That’s what I’ve always strive for in my relationships and this last one – 🌬️💨💨💨 Just completely took me out and blew everything out of me to me core… Just the absolute Twightlight Zone of a year… 😵💫
You’re lucky but it’s still traumatic to be near a narcissist & discover @ any age just how selfish as well as phony these arrested toddlers truly are! You cannot be the mother to someone who won’t grow up… ever
This is why I love you Dr. Ramani. This clip touched me so because it’s exactly what I still go through, even though it’s been over 4 years since going 100% no contact with all the narcissists in my life. From time to time, I see a family or a couple, actually practicing non-toxic behavior and I have my moment of grief and empty another box of tissues at the unfairness of it all. But at the same time, I’m so glad to have people like you to help get people as messed as I am, to find a way to make sense of it all. And best of all, be able to find my genuine self, love me for me and laugh out loud again, without feeling like I’d be punished for being me. Thank you…
“One hypothesis is that they never go to therapy or become friends with people like me”. Almost choked on my coffee laughing! I think about this often and needed some lightness to start the weekend. Thank you as always!
That feeling of grief, when you see or hear a good interaction. I even get that feeling when I talk to my cat…I’m so much kinder and more present for my somewhat wild kitty; than my parents ever were for me.
Feelin that. My former feral feline friend is named Kitty Menendez
Doc, we thank you soooooo much for not just sharing your knowledge with us but, your tremendous ability to be vulnerable with us, you have noooo idea how much it helps us!!! Thank you soooooo si much 🫂💞🙏🏿🥺🥹
This is very true.
The minute you described that telephone situation I felt a pang of grief too. For the same reasons. This video is bang-on, thank you Dr R.