Love bombing via trauma dumping
Love bombing isn’t always lavish dates and grand gestures — sometimes it’s something far more subtle and far more dangerous: the love bomb trauma dump. In this video, Dr. Ramani explains how some narcissistic and emotionally manipulative people use intense early oversharing to create instant intimacy, trigger your empathy, and make you feel responsible for “saving” them. You’ll learn the red flags that separate genuine vulnerability from a tactic (victimhood, entitlement, lack of reciprocity, and emotional coercion), plus what to do when their pain becomes the reason you feel trapped, silenced, and guilty for wanting out. If you’ve ever felt hooked by compassion — and ashamed for noticing the manipulation — this is for you.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Dear Dr. Ramani,
I would like to suggest a topic that could be very helpful for PhD students: narcissistic behavior in professors and academic mentors.
It would be valuable to discuss how narcissism can appear in professors, how to distinguish it from normal academic ego or high standards, and how students can recognize early warning signs when choosing a PhD mentor (this would be so good to know before I chose my next mentor). Guidance on coping with or exiting such relationships would also be greatly appreciated.
I am asking from personal experience, having had to end a collaboration with a mentor whose behavior was emotionally unsupportive and damaging, despite my concerns not being believed.
Thank you for considering this topic and for your work.
Kind regards
As a retired chem professor I can assure you that academia is a breeding ground for narcissists. I had gone from working for industry where I had nothing but good things to say about the companies I worked for and the men I worked with to an environment where everyone is out for themselves. They think nothing of using students and vulnerable professors as foot soldiers in their battles. Coming from a background as the scapegoat in a narcissistic family I do not think I need to paint you a picture of my life there. I wish I had known about Dr. Ramani back then.
@NL888-d7y1 Your experience is not unusual.
Oh, that’s an excellent topic! It’d have helped me so much throughout college!
Part of the reason why I didn’t finish school abroad is because my local bilingual academic advisor had a vengeance towards foreign students, and I had the worst time getting anything processed or answered. He would gaslight me with sarcasm or deflection. He detested the fact that I was asking difficult, off-textbook questions in class when he was my professor also.
@marysisak2359 I had a mentor who was incredibly vain and completely useless at research. It was awful because we went together to several scientific events, and every time all the attention from collaborators was focused on me, to the point that my mentor was completely overshadowed. It wasn’t my intention, but people were naturally drawn to me. He was angry and vindictive. Later on, he didn’t even want to introduce me as his student. Back then I didn’t understand why, I thought he was an expert, today I see he wasn’t, he just had his title and his fragile ego. We are not cooperating any longer, I quit working with him and his ego, it wasn’t worth it. I still really want to finish my PhD, but I’m not sure how to choose a good mentor. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Sounds a lot like the “poor me” tactic in James Redfield books…making people feel sorry for you…the victim…to get more attention. (The Celestine Prophecy was his main book)
They would dump all their pain on me and I listened, then when I talked about my struggles, I’d be met with shame and judgement.
I just dumped a long time friend over this. Listened to her talk for over an hour. I talked about something I was going through for about 2 minutes and got all kinds of blaming and defensiveness… finally saw the light and said no thank you.
This
Same here. I can’t stand those kind of friends or relationships
My mother is like this, and it’s gotten worse with age. I’ve stopped sharing most things except those themes that are similar to what she wants to trauma dump on me for 30 minutes straight. But even then, if I overstep her patience quota or moral high ground, or if I “talk too much” (over 3 minutes), then I’m judged or dismissed.
Every single time!!!!
Brene Brown talks a lot about this. Trauma dumping is actually the opposite of connection and vulnerability.
Looking back, it’s disturbing that my hubs opened up about his childhood trauma and filed away all of my trauma and vulnerabilities. For the next 20+ years he’s never spoken of his parents the same way.
That’s odd huh !
This describes the relationship of my son and his wife. Within an hour of meeting her she opened up about being abandoned by her parents. It brought me to tears but I wish I knew then what I know now. Instead and as no surprise, I am estranged from my son.
Definitely a vulnerable narcissist’s tactic of forming their vulnerable armor, so that you can be eventually guilt tripped & gaslit later on down the road
He bought me a microwave first week of meeting
Haha this happened to me! Guy bought me a BluRay player and said I love you in the first 1-2 weeks!
Hmm. I identify with this. It’s an eye opener. Thanks for this video, Dr. Ramani.
Life with them isn’t life, it’s a lie. Thank you Dr. Ramani❤️
I can recognize this king of love bombing in my case, which makes much more sense. Thank you always. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Wow. It’s such a subtle Mind F**k how many ways these people can take advantage of people’s excellent qualities and then manipulate them. What an eye opener.
Yep I live next to a covert narc and she literally told me the most personal, deep things about herself the first time I ever spoke to her. At first I just thought she was being open but she was really wanting to complain to elicit sympathy and to form a false, premature sense of companionship with me without actually doing any of the work of getting to know me and build a relationship naturally. She very quickly started to invade my personal life, cross my boundaries, and get upset if I didn’t make myself readily available to her or didn’t make her a main focus of my daily life.
I kept making justifications because of someones backstory. Now I’ve been thinking about how people have chaotic backstories who are not narcissists.
Narcs use it as an excuse for everything
It’s scary how accurately you describe the situation I was in..
” You can’t win with this” Thank You so much
The accommodations I made to support his ‘healing’ from past hurts and show him our relationship was ‘different’ ended up being some of the most astonishing sorrows and appalling regrets of my life.
this never occurred to me! how fascinating!
See that’s why Dr Ramani is an ACTUAL Doctor! She knows what she is talking about. This NEEDS to be dicussed more 💯