Narcissistic “Mistakes” vs. Bad Decisions
When a narcissist says, “I made a mistake,” it can sound like accountability — but is it? In narcissistic relationships, harmful behavior like cheating, lying, gaslighting, or financial betrayal is often reframed as an accident rather than a conscious choice. Understanding the difference between a mistake and a decision is critical when you’re trying to make sense of narcissistic abuse and patterns of repeated harm. Sometimes what’s being labeled a “mistake” is actually a series of deliberate decisions — and that clarity can change everything.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I Love your videos ….. they have helped me so much to be able to recover from the narcissist abuse I endured for years ! These ppl are monsters…. Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏🏻
A decision is something we decide to do and a mistake is when we try to do something and we mess up but not set up
When healthy people make a bad decision they feel remorse and they take accountability for what happens.
When a narcissist makes a bad decision or mistake they will always avoid accountability and defend their bad behavior reserve the victim role
When they’re busted for behaving badly, they quickly say they made a “mistake”. No, they made a choice, a decision, and as the narcissists they are, they minimize by calling it a mistake.
Narcissists lack of responsibility lack of accountability
Don’t defend don’t engage don’t explain don’t personalize
You got it 🙌
I watch zoom court to see how this is done. Many judges are masters at doing this.
That’s deep!
@renatamayumikobataWait until you learn about DARVO 😉
JADE. Don’t: Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain
Another Powerful Truth Video ! Thank you Dr. Ramani . The Narcissist’s Justifications, Downplaying, minimizing, Outright Denials and DARVO gaslighting word salad Can be Crazymaking Indeed ! You Are Saving Lives by Saving All of Our Sanity One devastated, broken and broken Down Survivor at a Time !
TY Dr Ramani, alas, I don’t have interactions to PROVE but have agency to LEARN! ❤
Healthy personalities don’t need a seminar on basic humanity traits!
Thanks for this! Yes, it should be an immediate red flag for me when I find myself explaining (and Over and over and over-explaining) basic decency to an adult.
@cindyanderson9425Stay strong Cindy!
Trust your instincts; AGAIN!
Super simple responses are all we have when dealing with the Narci…unfortunately!
For those of us that enjoy conversations, ain’t happening with the Narci..
Peace Be With You on your journey Cindy! 🕊🙌🕊💐
Real Trouble brews when Decent Law abiding folks are intentionally given wrong, false, or misleading information by Narcissistic folks . Then all too often, the decent law abiding folks are left with false accusations from a misperceiving public and holding the bag. How Many, Lives, Careers, Marriages, Friendships,family relationships are Destoyed in this way ? By Intentionally given false, misleading, or wrong information ? WOW !
Changing the goal post…
call them out and they will itemize every bad decision you have ever made
A “decision” for narcissist is when things go well
A “mistake” for a narcissist is when something goes wrong and they can’t find someone else to blame it on.
❤❤❤ They don’t see it as a bad decision because it’s not “bad” for them.
A mistake is just a statement; it’s the actions one takes to correct the mistakes once they are aware. You can’t admit to something and not have a plan to actually follow through. That’s brushing the issue under the rug without any accountability. Then they double down by putting their energy on focusing on the other persons flaws, while attempting to bring these traits of their target with a false light. The lengths they will go to not take responsibility or accountability is mind boggling.
13:03 “I’m sorry. I just needed someone to be mad at”
Exactly! And if you “ignore” their “mistakes,” they get more diabolical until they can bait you so they can rage
This is a great video. It’s a very important distinction to make.
Showing callous disregard for how their bad decisions affect you is not only narcissistic but psychopathic!
The friendship that died a death by a thousand cuts
These people are a nightmare. Run as far from them as you can. Even if it’s hard. It’s worth it. Been there.
Another narc expression when it comes to twisting a lie: “It was just a misunderstanding”.