Narcissistic people FEEL ENTITLED to your FORGIVENESS
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They will never forgive you for minor things that happened 20 years ago. But they will expect you to forgive them immediately for major recent events. They turn molehills in mountains. But they will play down or ignore anything they do to you.
Yep! Precisely.
I will never forgive my soon to be x husband of 44 yrs of abuse, his sense of entitlement is horrendous he is always the victim.
That was my experience too, ugh.
That’s my mother and brother.
My brother is a pedo, manipulator, and alcoholic. My mother is a child abuser who beat her autistic daughter and made her bulimic when she was a teenager and does nothing but defend my brother. They almost demand a lack of accountability.
The one thing that keeps me from going insane from trying to convince them that their behavior is unacceptable is that people who behave the way they do don’t have a say in my life in the first place. Period, end of discussion.
I’ve gone no contact with my brother and very, very limited contact with my mother. That’s not just a fact, It’s a fundamental law of the universe. I don’t need the approval of a pedo and child abuser.
@ “they almost demand a lack of accountability.” Wow. You articulated something I couldn’t find the words for
They want and want. It’s never enough.
Narcissists don’t have a genuine remorse for the things they did, so it only gets worse when you forgive them.
Absolutely True 🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯
Forgiveness must be earned.
They don’t indeed. Forgive them once, they betray you twice …..
You know the saying “ fool me once” … part of the shameless behaviour of NPD is to shame shift their core shame. To make you appear as the problem. But eventually their flipped scripts catch up .
And they think empathy is weakness ( even though the VN bank on it for their own use)
It gets worse if they are allowed back into your life. A caveat is they don’t “ come clean”. They may pretend in private ( to deny later and make you appear as “ crazy” or the liar and I was blind sided by this one – they use others in their dirty pool games )
or cop to it in court when forced to do so – but a narcissist has no interest in doing anything “ clean”
I was the target of a long con by someone who pretended to “ come clean” and it was the worst set up for betrayal. And it set me up for some serious hurt in other relationships. I have so many examples but will boil it down to I gave 101 chances and while the sorry was part of the game – a smear was happening .
After years of no contact after some serious dangerous events and I was left in a hole with a blind side – after NC – a couple of them broke through my boundaries and because I had healed and it was at a distance – and the way the head vulnerable NPD tries to use guilt trips to blame shift … i was being re set up for a double bind ( by a double standard).
It is mind boggling how they can watch you suffer and the sadistic ones get off on it. A N goes into full blown hysteric when thet experience a small amount of what yju had endured for years.
. I mentioned that I forgive you and I am not dwelling in the past. This right after a recent stunt was pulled . I had been quiet for many years assuming people who knew me would know the truth . After I started to present evidence and facts and stick to no drama just facts- then there was a shift on the other side. There is no doubt their crap is caught up to them.
My forgiveness opened up the dialogue to hear “ “ the hell with the past”. This after a stunt was pulled – I was reeling . It took me a long time to unpack the severity of hidden abuse. Narcissists are audacious. In their delusional false world. I tried to not engage and leave it but I stated clearly that stunts, shenanigans and tactics were still being done. I said I forgive but this is not about the past and I can’t forget .
It is important to be aware that it was a strategy to get me back into being used by them . They became aware of both my vulnerabilities and my useful purposes. They don’t change they only change tactics. ❤️🩹❤️
@@gazoo7411 “ trust is earned. “
Forgiveness is only for you and – only when or if you feel safe. Narcissist don’t care so their pretence to desire earning your forgiveness is part of their long game.
Don’t fall for the trap of thinking they care or want to earn forgiveness- it is most likely another lie.
Another tactic is to keep insisting that they love/loved you. Despite all the damage they did to your life, they really, really, really did love you. As if that automatically grants them absolution.
I heard many times at the end of my mother’s life that she HAD loved me all along. So the abuse and neglect that both my parents had dished out for most of my life had been some sort of misunderstanding…..? It’s astonishing.
Yes only time he told me he loved me was after each abusive incident. “But I love you” it is disgusting!
@@jasmine3416common tactic of all kinds of abusers
THIS
No. Once I left, no contact. Forgiveness means contact. No.
The policy is no contact. It’s easy if you follow it. 🎉
You make a great point that forgiveness is an open invitation for contact. I’ve questioned for quite some time and believe that the hidden agenda behind forgiveness is reconciliation. According to the dictionary and some religious beliefs, the interpretation of forgiveness is “letting go and moving past a grievance, and reconciliation”, depending on one’s views. However, it all boils down to reconciliation and nothing more or less. I’ve never been a proponent of forgiveness, particularly, if an act is diabolical and heinous. Some acts are unforgivable.
They need your forgiveness because they want to get away with what they have done. 😮
This shift blaming was terrible. I started to believe it actually was my fault. Then I caught on.
and most of the time forgiving them emboldens them and they feel as if they can do it again because last time nothing came from it
This!
“I’m your mother, I deserve your respect.”
Very disgusting
This has been the attitude from both my bio-mother and my step-mother my entire life (47 years before I walked away from my mother and 40+ years with my step-mother). Respect is earned, not owed. Neither of them will ever understand this very simple concept and think that I should forgive them for anything and everything no matter what, while continuing even now to say and do nasty things to me or people I care about. I won’t be rude to them, but I won’t kiss their butts (fawn response) anymore either. My dad even jokes he married two of them.
I’ve heard that one too.
LAWD! My mother all of the way. Respect is earned, not given.
While my covert narcissistic mother has never said this her commands and demands most certainly convey this faulty belief.
“You need to forgive them” is such an insufferable phrase! I hate how society has warped the meaning of forgiveness…just saying “I forgive you” does not resolve anything, neither does it absolve the other person of their behaviour/crimes. Indifference is forgiveness for narcs, thats the best that they will ever get from me. Forgiveness is reserved solely for people who truly are sorry, have a conscious, will do their best to do better and make things right and are good, decent people.
I think there is one person in a narcissistic relationship who needs and deserves forgiveness, and it’s NOT the narcissist.
It’s the one they have wronged. It’s you.
❤
“I dont remember what ever I did to you”.
Forgiveness for these people is a free ticket to do it all over again.
Oh you’re so right! BINGO!
The only thing a narcissist is truly entitled to is my disgust and contempt.
🤣😅I appreciate this re-framing. 🙏
Hell yes!! 👏👏👏👏
Or a good laugh. As they age the mask slips. I love watching them. They do anger me when I see what they do to their own children. I’m watching this now with my husbands mother. WOW, how rude she is with her own daughter.
Forgiveness to a narcissist is permission to do it again.
Boom
My family expects me to automatically forgive despite no apologizes or accountability from the narcissists, who in fact continue to lie about what happened. I feel like I have totally been gaslit scapegoated shamed blamed and emotionally abused by them, yet am pressured to forgive and hang out with the family like nothing happened. It’s disgusting. It has seriously damaged me and my life. I don’t know how to be around them anymore. The enablers make it so much worse acting like I’m the bad one because I keep boundaries to protect my health. It’s awful. 😢 Thank you for this Dr Ramani ❤.
I can relate. I haven’t seen my family of origin in 5 years because they enable my parent’s narcissistic abuse. I can’t pretend I’m okay or their behavior is acceptable. And I don’t have the energy to mask my disgust and disappointment.
Then don’t. Hold the line. Peace.
@@michele0324Good. Too much energy maintaining a facade of” everything is fine” forced smiles.
Creating boundaries and cutting off communication with those who harm has helped me. I had to grieve the loss of the people I thought they were, but then I found peace.
Walk away. They’re TOXIC Sludge. Go DEEP.©️
They’re asking for a MAGIC ERASER not forgiveness.
If you do forgive a narcissist, they’ll distort it: “See, they forgave me. The fact that they forgave me proves that what I did wasn’t that bad. Or, it didn’t happen at all and I’m innocent! Otherwise, they would never have forgiven me if I’d really done that bad thing in the first place.”
Excellent video! Forgiveness, especially when it involves abuse, doesn’t mean a reconciliation or resumption of the relationship and could actually be quite harmful.
Also remorseful individuals don’t feel entitled to forgiveness nor do they guilt, shame, or blame the victim.
My narc doesn’t ask for forgiveness, and I don’t offer it. His expectation is that tomorrow you will pretend nothing happened to begin with.
ugh that’s how I grew up. And due to more recent events chose no contact. I am so sorry they can’t acknowledge for you. Thank you for staying in the fight and seeking resources to help you.