Narcissists make empathy transactional
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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They show selective empathy when it’s suitable for them and it’s very pretentious. Very messy.
wow this was so helpful in understanding why i still “feel bad” for missing them but it’s not them who i miss it’s the façade they created thru this subversive empathy! i couldn’t figure out bc they aren’t all bad but the good, looking back seems strategic.
You only interacted with their False Self. Some people go a lifetime without calling out the facade & placating the imaginary person
I have run out of empathy but only with certain individuals
They’re bottomless pits and i have just burnt out
The title alone resonates. I appreciate you for putting it into words what I could not, even though I’ve been studying this for years. I experienced this yet again yesterday when I thought I shielded myself from the abuse. They are so calculated and will set the stage overtime. Definitely made me feel like a sucker while they got their fix.
Narcissists make everything transactional. It’s frightening how they can switch empathy on and off.
It is not true empathy.
If we could turn it on and off doesn’t it mean we have it? I believe we do however it is very hard for us to access
@@NarcissistHex-nf9eq Evidence based practice indicates NPD does not have “authentic” empathy.
Sure they can “have it” most often it is weaponized.
There is another self aware NPD person saying, they do feel real empathy and know right from wrong, but they cannot handle the pain of being wrong, powerless, no control, and not superior so their ego takes over and their mind will justify their wrong behaviors, this is why they often Blame Shift and Gaslight. They do feel guilty but their mind of Ego Protection will come up with excuses, get delusional, and blame shift to justify themselves, they briefly feel guilty but immediately feel justified. This is why NPD people are much more miserable and painful than psychopaths who feels little to nothing. NPD in itself medically is very sad, highly emotional, dramatic extreme internal emotions and mental conflicts.
OMG this is so true. My pain is more legitimate than yours! Narcs actually have empathy, they simply choose not to use it.
It’s part of the cold reading of others & how to manipulate them but they truly lack the ability to feel bad for what you’re feeling. I had one ask me why he would ever do that? Self sacrifice was simply unintelligible
They could talk about empathy and yet they’ll gaslight a person and do the crazy making thing on them. I know I went through it. All I ever got was “it’s your paranoia” or “it’s your illness doing it” when I’d react to the above.
I’m glad to still have my empathy, it’s a good part of me but now it’s used with discretion. Thanks for showing how to protect the good parts of ourselves as survivors!
My ex-friend showed me performative empathy. He seemed to care about me but didn’t care what I needed. He gave me unsolicited advice and violated my boundaries. I felt somehow uncomfortable. Finally, I realized he wasn’t empathic and I overlooked red flags.
🚩🚩👀
Anyone who does nice things for someone because they’re expecting something in return. Aren’t being kind, their doing business.
My father expected us, neighbors & strangers to come to his home & visit with him out of goodwill in his Findlay years. It was crazy! He never had an ounce of goodwill in his body
@@caroleminke6116 Sorry you experienced that, Carol.
When you were talking about the man whose wife cheated on him and his sympathy for her, that’s how I feel about my ex-boyfriend I know he had a really bad childhood and I know he never showed me any empathy and yet 2 years later I still feel bad for him even though I’ve been no contact.
We can hold space in our heart for people and their situations but still keep them away from us because we have to protect ourselves.
Brilliant. The better we can see and understand the nuances of variable narcissistic empathy, the better we can heal the trauma bond and move on. You are to great at this, Dr. Ramani.
Love the part you point out that you can feel empathy for others and for someone without you ever have to say anything nor do anything nor act upon empathy because to balance your own safety and your own peace. … I appreciate this assurance, because, often times children grown up in narcissistic systems were taught to self sacrifice upon empathy sympathy and compassion and taught “don’t think twice, just take actions immediately and self sacrifice immediately or you’re selfish difficult and you’re a narc blah blah” … This video is a good balance from your previous video of being understanding for those who are stuck and “Phoning It In” … Because you can feel empathy for them without arguing with them for days and hearing accusations from them while you try to help them empower and explain logic forever to those pointless arguments. Often times, it is best to leave people to their own devices.
Direct that empathy towards yourself plz
@@caroleminke6116 for sure!
you’re the best Dr. Ramani, thank you always❤️
This segment hit home so much for me today. I’m relearning how to live again and I’ve always hated the fact that I still do have empathy but all at the same time pleased with myself for it. So this hit home and I ended up making a personal notification as a reminder of what exactly you said that hit home. Exact words I needed to hear. So thank you for taking the time to help us survivors heal, where others can or have only been able to do so much help in healing.
Much respect and❤ back to you for you being you.
Dr Ramani is a delight to listen. She cares about how you are doing.
She sure does!
Thank you for literally saving my life.
I realized recently I have been in a relationship with a Narcissist for 10 years. I have felt crazy in 100 different ways, so I have been… struggling, for too many reasons to unpack in a youtube comment.
It’s so hard for someone in my area with my income to get any therapy- let alone something this specific, and I want to thank you for explaining the things that you do, it’s really helped me a lot. Thank you!
You can go gray rock now as you learn to take back your power through self control. If you stop enabling the narcissist & protect your personal power now then later on there will be a way forward 💔❤️🩹♥️
I appreciate you so much Dr., Ramani ! I would be literally lost without you! I love you to the moon and back! Forever and a day! Thank you❤
That’s my brother in a nutshell. How much he cares about you goes only as far as how much you can DO for HIM.
It’s so important to have TERMS and NAMES for these … behaviors 😢😮 We’re grateful, Dr. Ramani ❤
Your an angel. One that hits us over the head with the reality we’ve been ignoring because we simply don’t want to believe someone whom we love so much are not the person we thought they were.