Parallel parenting the only way to coparent with a narcissist
Parallel parenting is the only way to coparent with a narcissist (+FREE GIFT)//Divorcing a narcissist or co parenting with a narcissist ex? If you’re sharing custody with a narcissist or co parenting with a covert narcissist, you’ll need to use parallel parenting. It’s the only way to co parent with your narcissist husband if he has narcissistic personality disorder or npd.
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This is a quick no nonsense clip on parallEl parenting. From Muchigan. Our daughter & precious grandsons have their hands full & their head & hearts confused by this NARC. God help us All!
Thanks for your comment. So sorry your family is struggling. Please reach out if I can help 🙂
Can you give a perspective of dealing with a narcissist woman who alienates and moves the goal posts as you say. Mine will not let me see my son unless I follow her demands. When I do, the demands change and are always unreasonable or irrational.
The best strategy is to keep it all-business. Don’t communicate except for logistics. If she doesn’t allow you access, you must get court involved. Please feel free to book a free call with me if you’d like more help: https://bit.ly/3lW3QJI
in my case its a her. its been 10 years of trying to coparent with her.
ive sought therapy for a couple years now to try to cope with this.
the court papers dont matter, they dont work.
ultimately its her way or im the monster/bad father.
(even though ive had primary custody since she was 2)
i feel so bad for our daughter.
it tears me to pieces that we cant all just live a peaceful life.
now shes turning our daughter against me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Keep taking the high road. Your daughter will figure it out one day . Book an Initial Session with me if you’d like some help 🙂
Most important thing you can do is love your child. Teach them right from wrong and do not share your personal information with your child. Implement this process and boundaries. Boundaries are everything.
I agree 100% with Madeleine. Boundaries are are the best thing you can do beyond loving your daughter to the utmost along with taking the high road. Your narc will get pissed more than likely with the new boundaries, though. It’s all worth it when it comes to taking back your peace and control of your life. Trust me…I’m in your same boat.
I seperated 4 years ago from a covert narcissist. My daughter was 8 then. The first 2 years felt like I was in hell ….the frustration of trying to defend yourself not only to others but how do you explain to your 8 year old that you are not the monster her mother her mother portrait me to be without telling her the truth about her narcissistic mother ? The idea of having to choose between defending myself by telling her the truth and damaging my daughter even more or loosing my child over her mother lies might be the worst thing I’ve gone through. I did a lot of reading, learning, and introspection (I thought at 1 point I WAS THE NARCISSIST ) . My advice which I believe is the key to this problem? TRUTH IS KING! Understanding my faults and my strengths easy the anxiety….Im an amazing father and TRULY want what’s best for her I dedicate time to her and truly show interest in whatever she was interested In ….. I figured out that I didn’t have to convince her of anything or defend my self from lies to her ….im her father I love her and she loves me little by little her mother attempts became white noise the more i ignored it and worked on building an even stronger bond with my daughter the false reality the narcissist continued to try and create became so bluntly obvious it had no real effect…..yes I still deal with the imposible task to coparent fairly but I only worry how I parent her and try to minimize the damage her mother can create in her by doing the opposite her mother does…i speak kindy about the good qualities her mother has , I try to make sure my daughter understands her emotions matter, her voice is heard , I teach her that not only a few things makes her a great person but a long list of attributes, I teach her that even though I’m the adult and her father owe her the same level of respect regardless of her age and the mistakes we make as long we can own up to them learn and move on.
It’s funny because the problem I have to figure out now is how to minimize the notable resentment my daughter is starting to have for her mother while validating my daughter’s feelings from the inevitable impact having a narcissist mother will have on her.
I feel.for you. I am going thru the same
Better not to assume the Narcissist is the man.
You are correct. My newer videos are gender-neutral 🙂
Just wanted to say thank you for the video. I’m coming to the end of a divorce with a narcissist and seeing that he’s not getting his way, he’s went as far as calling child protective services with ludicrous accusations. I’ve had to learn a few of these tips the hard way and you are absolutely spot on. Some of the things you mentioned like not letting him know about school activities, etc. are hard for me to agree with but I would have thought all of these were wild before experiencing it firsthand. Since you were so accurate with the rest, I’ll just take your word for it instead of the hard way this time. 🤣 It’s good to have an unbiased outside perspective and I appreciate this more than you know. ❤️
Hi Chelsey! Thanks for your comment!
I understand how odd it must seem to hear these things. But from my perspective, I can see that communicating anything more than the absolute necessities with a narcissist will come back to hurt you. It is not your job to teach him/her how to parent. You be the best parent you can be, communicate only the most urgent necessities (illness/accident) with him/her, and then wash your hands of it. Let me know if I can help in any way 🙂
@@VictoriaMcCooey I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you so much!
@@VictoriaMcCooey 💯 agree. They will ruin events and put down anything the kids might want to be involved in because it’s not about him
@@Herekittykitty01 So true!
I did that “not giving him any Information that are not absolutely crucial”. Promptly he was complaining about not knowing anything about his child anymore. Well…ask her then!
Exactly!
As I am going thru my custody dispute with my ex-girlfriend I find it a little disheartening how many of these videos assume the man to be the narcissist. I truly hope this doesn’t happen in my trial as I am being accused of being the narcissistic “bad” parent constantly by my ex. Its crazymaking trying to defend myself against so many false accusations, most of which are just projections of her own behavior. “I’m doing this and its your fault because you are a narcissist” etc., is something I’ve dealt with since my son was born and it wears me out constantly defending myself against the attacks on my character, efforts to ruin my reputation, with holding contact with my son (violating our temporary custody order), denigrating me to our son, and everything else you would expect from a textbook narcissist. When she started resorting to physical violence in efforts to provoke me so she could justify a restraining order (hit me in front of our son (2years old) and calls the police to file reports saying i hit her despite me recording our altercations to prove what really happened due to the constant threats of “i’ll call the cops and tell them you hit me and you’ll never see your son again”) I felt like there was nothing else that I could do but separate. My research confirms this- its just a little discouraging how often my research has presumed the father to be the narcissist as I am preparing for my day in court.. Some videos are neutral, but I haven’t found many that presume the mother to be the narcissist- and that seems to be a social stigma of some sort that I pray doesn’t exist in the subconscious of the people in charge of deciding what my son’s future is going to look like.
Ah I’m sorry you’re going through this. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and I feel there is a decent amount of content out there regarding that. Just make sure you document EVERYTHING she does. Create a new email and put all the evidence in one place, email it to yourself and stay on top of it.
Exactly, it is always assumed it’s the father.
I was actually going to say this – I feel like I can’t even finish the video. We are dealing with a HORRIBLE birth mom and we feel absolutely defeated because we cannot prove the abuse. I finally see what he meant when he says the court believes the mothers over the fathers. The school has called children and youth multiple times, the police have been called, she has been arrested, etc. – but all that matters is that she is their mom.
im right there with you man. it is disheartening to see all these educated professionals just instinctively scapegoating a male. luckily it seems it works the same both ways if you just pretend they say “she” instead of “he.”
but it does feel like shots when you even hear professionals dismissing you to the masses.
shame on them
I agree! Not sure I will watch another video. Good info but presumptive to say the man is the problem. I have watched years of abuse and this really turned me off.
In the early stages of my separation from my covert nex and learning about narcissism at the same time, I told him about wanting to take our daughter to a drive thru zoo. Lo and behold a few weeks later, the devil takes her himself, then sends me pictures of them at the zoo. Upon asking him if that was the same zoo I wanted to take her to, he replied with an insincere apology for stepping on my toes, and gave me first dibs at taking her to the aquarium instead. It was more confirmation for me of just how evil these hollow souls are. I learned very quickly that day to never share another thing with him about our plans. Why can’t they all be cast to hell now? 🤨
This is a great example of how they try to sabotage or front-run your plans. Don’t share anything with them unless absolutely necessary! Thank you so much for telling your story here 🙂
You could have told him that you took them to that same zoo last year 😊
This video was so helpful! You were describing my situation trying to coparent with a narcissist perfectly!!
I am SO happy that I could help 🙂
Ohhhhh gawddd…..this is so true. From birthday parties to doctor appointments…it’s truly disgusting. He likes to think it’s a competition but I still have yet to find out where it’s at. Lol. He’s “happy Funtime dad” and I’m just mommy.
The narcissist is truly a despicable human being not capable of raising a decent human being.
Just remember; DONT ASK DONT TELL; do not offer information…they will just bs, reload, then adjust aim back at you. Unless it’s an absolute emergency and even then…think twice.
I recommend checking out Dr. Sam Ravkin (sp?); he offers great advice on communication with a narcissist. Just remember that it’s never about you; it’s about the projection of themselves onto you.
Here’s to peace ✌️
Exactly! Only share information that’s absolutely necessary!
I swear he is the Disneyland dad and I’m mean mommy. He is disgusting, I will ask the courts to use a parental communication app. I have panic attacks/anxiety when he messages me about anything. He is an evil human being
How do you keep the kids from telling your business to the narcissist without being in the wrong? They’re always so happy to visit because they know them as dad and they tend to pick up where they left off and talks to him about any and everything.
That is always a tough one. You don’t want to put them in a position where they feel they have to keep secrets from the other parent. But sometimes it’s easier if you don’t tell them anything they don’t have to know until the very last minute. Hope that helps!
Thank you for raising this question and this has been a hard one for me. Sometimes it’s more of what they observe and then share those details. Like who mommy is dating (or not dating in my case) or where she is working (he’s made comments that it’s not good enough).
My ex takes anything sentimental that my son brings over there when he “disciplines” him.
For example, when my son was little my mom brought him to the store to get me a gift, my son chose a sequin pillow. My son wanted to bring it to his dad’s one weekend, and in front of his dad I told my son to make sure to take care of it and bring it back because it is really special to me. Within 15 minutes of being at his house, his dad took the pillow because he did something wrong
It took me a month to get it back 🙄
Co parenting with him has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life
Yep! They don’t co-parent, they counter-parent. I think the lesson to learn from that story is that it’s better to keep your belongings at your house!
@@VictoriaMcCooey yes, still isn’t fair to my son though 😕
You should send him with sentimental phrases that will forever be embedded within his memory such as special sayings or words of affirmations specific to you and his relationship that can never be replaced, trumped, or taken away.
I dont give them anything as they leave and i dont keep anything they bring
The ex can’t even turn up once a fortnight and pays zero child support. The courts are useless
My granddaughter’s father is a narcissist. He left my daughter while she was pregnant And only saw my granddaughter sporadically for 4 years even though he could come and see her whenever he wanted. Now He decided he wants joint custody And is using my granddaughter as a pawn. He is lonely and always wanted my daughter to be in the rotation. Whenever she wouldn’t do what he wanted, he would say that he was going to take her to court for joint custody. This happened 3 times and this time it’s gotten so far as to where my granddaughter now has to spend 2 days and one night with him every week. She’s never slept anywhere but my house or her mom’s house and she is really struggling. Really struggling. We just found out that she has autism, sensory processing disorder and adjustment disorder . Transitions are very difficult and and she is regressing instead of making progress. The therapists for some reason can’t make recommendations To the court. They can only answer the questions from the guardian ad litem, who also doesn’t care about the child’s mental health or best interest. These narcissists have a terrible effect on all people who they have relationships with as well as their children. My granddaughter’s voice will will not be heard and and she must suffer with this Until at at least the age of 14 when she can tell the judge how she feels. I hear her screaming blood curdling screams And see her getting physically ill And starting to Hit herself in the head and no one will help. They have a drop off point and he will not come to try to help to get her ready when she’s having these meltdowns. He knows that he wouldn’t be able to handle them. She then fawns or masks when she is with him so he thinks that she’s doing great when this is just doing more harm to her mental well being. Does anyone know what we can do to get the courts To stop listening to the biased guardian ad litem and take the mental health of this child seriously? Please help.
Didn’t realize there was a way to coparent with a narcissist, these videos have helped me tremendously and I’ve only discovered these a few days ago so instead of binge watching netflix I’m watching these info videos. Noticed I am doing most of what is said but now I have the confidence that I’m doing the right thing rather than doubting my every move. Thank you
Hi Maraina! I’m so glad you found these and happy they are helping! Please reach out if there’s anything I can do 🙂
There is info on netflix about this?
I tried the friendly co parenting thing when we first separated. That didn’t last longer than about a month and I quickly realized it would not work and was counterproductive to separating from him. He got aggressive and entitled about wanting a key to my place and started refusing to pick the kids up if I didn’t give him a key so he can wait at my house to pick them up instead of picking them up from school because that was supposedly easier for him and he felt he was doing ME a favor by picking up his own kids on certain days. So he said me not giving him a key was me using the kids as a pawn.
When we’d try to go to outings together he always picked an opportunity to slide in some type of jab or insult before he left. Or he’d stop me at the end of the event and tell the kids to go into another area and start up an argument with me about our relationship and why I’m so wrong for not wanting to be with him and literally hold me and the kids up for hours so he could argue with me. I literally almost passed out a couple of times because of the way he was hounding me and how overwhelmed I got when he stopped me. I was DONE. Now I keep communicating to bare minimum.
Literally me right now…
Excellent advice for coparenting with a narcissist, men or women.
Hey there! This video about parallel parenting is spot on if you’re co-parenting with a narcissist. It can be tough to co-parent with someone who has NPD, but parallel parenting can be a lifesaver. This method allows you to disengage from your ex and focus solely on parenting your children, without getting caught up in their manipulative tactics.
It’s so encouraging to see parallel parenting highlighted as a legitimate approach for many families (vs. an inferior Plan B when the “right” way doesn’t work). So much needless emotional turmoil and suffering has been avoided by adopting this approach. ♥
Ahhh, thanks for your support 🙂
I like how we assume that it’s the dad’s that are the narcissists. It goes both ways. And to be honest it’s usually the mother because they have the leverage.