Stop BRIGHT-SIDING people in narcissistic relationships
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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The everlasting effects of the toxicity from the narc is many of terms devastating. the mental/psychological scars and bruises have everlasting hurt.
There was no bright side to my physically abusive narc relationship where I almost died. I survived it. I wish people with happy lives would learn to shut it some times.
I’m with you. I was physically and verbally abused. It was a scary nightmare! I finally got to a place where I could leave, safely.
They’re just privileged little goody two shoes who’ve had mommy and daddy do everything for them then when they get out in the real world (if they even do) they have whiny meltdowns when they don’t get their way
4:08 @@carlenewozniak5225
Dumbing down experiences in this manner is the worst kind of invalidation. There’s wisdom in congratulating oneself for surviving awful circumstances. People who can’t grasp this even for a single conversation are probably not worth the effort.
Yes. I just read yesterday. This> “For those who understand, there is no explanation needed. For those who dont understand, there is no explanation possible”. ❤❤❤❤❤
“Try to see the good in people”
Doesn’t apply to narcissists.
@@youngblood8540 so true. That’s what got me into this trouble in the first place. Always giving the benefit of the doubt because of the belief that everyone is good and wants what’s best for us. Especially the person that claims to love you.
“Loss is loss.” So true. It’s incredibly difficult. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!!!
❤❤❤
I am a reformed bright sider. In order to endure an extremely abusive life: childhood parent figures, foster care, 35 year abusive marriage… I would not have survived without seeing a bright side in the dark valley. Sometimes my sweet daughter has to remind me when she’s pouring out a sad story, but she is not ready for the bright side yet! It has been a growth opportunity, to sit with pain, grief, heartache, unwinnable situations, and not try to see a bright side. But I now see how they compound the trauma, the stuckness, the “why-can’t-you-be-grateful” of it all. It hurts when others do it to me; it hurts when I do it to others. Thanks Dr Ramani; you are a gem. ❤
I think you’re describing some more balanced and complex. It’s a process of acceptance and understanding and if you get far enough down that process you can see brightness again. Bright siding is a way of ignoring the truth and shutting someone up. People sometimes say it in a well meaning way and they aren’t intentionally trying to disarm or ignore the truth however it is better to try and become more aware of our comments in conversation.
I call this minimizing. I test the waters, after years of experience. If I even sense a hint of minimizing I walk (also seen as “Pollyanna-ism” or “happy ever after-ism” etc).
True. Bright siding is gaslighting. Good intentions don’t mean that much when your reality is being dismantled. We should give people love, care, trust and the light to help them navigate through the pain and darkness.
You are the reason I haven’t lost all my marbles yet Dr.Ramani. Thank you.
Such an excellent explanation and yes I’ve experienced this so many times. It does devalue and invalidates my experience
As a lifetime Bright-Sider, this was so tough for me to hear I watched it twice; but I am Schooled. I can see that I wasn’t using it to ask people to bypass their grief, but to help them not get stuck in Victim validation. But it sounds like it’s ALL part of the grieving process, as long as it takes. It’s not trauma informed, and though I will always be a positive person, I will never say it again. Thank you for the supreme clarity, Dr. Ramani.
That is such evolved thinking! I’m glad you walk on this planet. Thank you, for bing you!
And we grieve the loss of the hopes and dreams that we had. I’m still in the middle of intense grief and the unfairness and cruelty that I’ve endured adds to my pain. It’s frightening that someone I love and who I thought loved me could behave with such relentless unfathomable depravity. I’m broken.
I can’t stand toxic positivity, it’s maddening. I have always done my best to ‘see the bright ‘ side of things, until things were so messed up I had to face reality. So many dismissive enabling polyannas out there. Acknowledging my feelings and processing them. There is still loss with many multiple truths for sure. Thank you for taking that off that pressure to ‘be ok’ when we are not. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The ‘bright side’ is totally part of the trauma bonded pain, with people pressuring to be ok with the narcissists because of the one nice thing they do amongst the many horrible things. Not buying into it. Shining light on reality. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Thank you for this! Not only have I been Bright-Sided, washed in toxic positivity, mocked, shamed, and humiliated for disclosing abuse, the ignorance that still remains for the public at large leaves me outraged at times. Thank you ❤
It’s just another form of future faking that every narc can trick you with every time
Toxic positivity seems to me to be another way of saying, “Don’t bother me with your pain and/or confusion. I don’t have time for that.” I feel like our society prefers shallow success and happiness to deep, hard earned emotions and wisdom.
Anyone who can just sit with you during times of trouble is a treasure.
Well said.I realised that as well. Society likes only the lack of … basically everything.
OMG, I am so grateful for all of these videos you do, there are times when you demonstrate through your voice impressions the folks like the “bright siders” etc. that I start laughing so much, probably because of relief, as you demonstrably show them very well. I now understand why these bright siders comments grated me so much, as, it is entirely inappropriate. Thank you Dr Ramani, your videos are really helpful. 😊
Bright siding is gasslighting and invalidating – I love it. Now I understand why it feels so bad. Thank you
I’m so glad you pointed this out, especially about survivors of narcissistic abuse being bright side warriors. I’ll be more aware about not doing this to myself and others in the future.
Great topic. My sister bright sides me about my divorce from my narcissistic ex. It really diminishes my pain from 20 years. I tried to log in the bright side all those years just to survive.