Successful vs. Unsuccessful Narcissists: What’s the Difference?
Does success make a narcissist easier to live with — or more dangerous? In narcissistic relationships, the difference between a successful narcissist and an unsuccessful narcissist can feel dramatic, but the core traits of entitlement, low empathy, and lack of accountability remain the same. Whether they are thriving professionally or struggling and resentful, narcissistic behavior often intensifies under both success and failure. Understanding how success and status impact narcissistic personality patterns can help you see the relationship more clearly — and make more informed decisions about your next steps.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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I saw the whole spectrum of this happen over 35 years, with my dad having overt traits dominating when we were kids, having high standards and expectations, and slowly as life continued to not go his way given his indecisive nature, he became more resentful.. Making himself the victim is every scenario.. I pray for one thing above all else, to not become entitled and have lack of accountability like him as I age
Sounds very familiar 👍🏾💯
Life is unpredictable
An unsuccessful covert narcissist is hell on earth. My ex-caretaker had no education, no driver’s license, and never cleaned the house because “it was unfair that we were going to school as kids, so why would I clean?” Huh, is this narcissistic logic?
The house we moved into when I was 11 has never been finished. No moving boxes have been opened. There’s no sink in the bathroom. You can’t even open the front door. >.< Multiple people, including her own brother, have gone no-contact because she didn’t pay them for working on the house. On top of that, she was jealous of my success and never asked about school, but tried to sabotage my graduations. Even writing this is tiring.
Fake it till you make it…NPD 101
Haha I noticed that my narc golden child bros became hostile and enraged when I became much more successful and my daughter got into an Ivy League University!!
I was the scapegoat of a narcissistic mother
Yet I recognize myself a bit in the description of the unsuccesfull narcissist
I am confused
Same here! I was looking for a comment like this. Anytime she talks about the vulnerable narcissist, it scares me because it sounds like me. I entered adulthood with very few life skills which I now realize was exactly what my mother wanted so I could be dependent on her for the rest of my life. And I was legitimately struggling with depression. During those bouts of depression, I think I just did not have a clue what to do or how to help myself.
yes same! as people who are non-narcs came also have bad luck in jobs too, as companies are run by them. Also, being a millenial means most of us havnt been given the life that was promised.
The ex-husband, everyone else was luckier because their parents paid their education, although he keeps enrolling himself and then quitting. Anyone that provided employment was trying to take advantage of his contacts, ideas and didn’t want to share the profits of the company although he didn’t invest into it. At 65, he stills thinks he’s going to “make it big” one day and has never held a steady job and never paid child support either, but the world is cruel to him, the stars haven’t aligned and we still haven’t figured out how great he is.
Lmao, were you married to my brother? 😂
An unsuccessful narcissist want to take revenge no matter what ! They are going to do everything about it. They use everyone as a stepping stone.They are really ruthless. In my country just a couple of days before a woman professor died due to sudden, severe stroke after the bullying she had from some students and their narcissists parents ! What a tragedy !
No one now is speaking about this . They cover the truth as we are living in a hypocritical society.
Greece has many problems with bullying and everyday’s overstepping boundaries or covert narcissism !
An unsuccessful narcissist is the most dangerous one. They have nothing to lose.
This is how my ex partner is. I still have to hear about his temper and nasty ways as we have a daughter together. Thankfully going to get a contact order in place so I won’t have to negotiate with him ever again. Then, I’ll have the space to work on myself and heal.
Its a sad thing to see a covert narcissist pretend they are the greatest thing on earth while they’re burning their own life down with addiction, insecurities, abandonment fears, toxic shame, etc. These are all the bedfellows of the unsuccessful narcissist. Get involved with one and you’ll be sleeping with these, too.
… good morning, Dr R… have a great week-make it a fun one… peace on☕😊💚💪🍀🙏✌️
Thank 👏🏽 You 👏🏽 so very much
My unsuccessful narcissist would always complain that job isn’t what she wanted. She’s a stay at home caregiver for her elderly mother. She also will not perform any job or work details, because she don’t think she needs to. I think it was referred as executive dysfunction. Nonetheless, anything that would be considered work or chores, are left for others (me) to complete. I thought that if she’d see that it’s a necessary function, she’d pitch in, but that’s a heavy NO. Takes a toll on us significant others
Thank you Dr. Ramani. This gets problematic when one is healing from extreme narcissistic abuse and narcissist is insensitive toward a person with this vulnerability. It is an exploitative abuse of power, coercive control and dangerous from those who threaten and want to use successful or unsuccessful narcissistic benchmark tactics to their advantage as you have mentioned in this video (and your Coercive Control video that is excellent on this topic) – mind games to get their way over another person.
I apologize even when I dont think Im wrong just for relief that never comes. The arguments keep going until they get what they want.
The covert narcissists in my life, mom and wasband, were SO ENTITLED. In their own minds, and for NO reasons for that. Refusing actively to actually DO anything to earn anything. Mad at the world and specific people and me personally, for not putting food into their open, demanding mouths. And blaming everyone, and ME, for this “failure” on our parts. REFUSING to grow up and take any responsibility, rather, dump it wherever. And try to punish us when we refused their demands. Saying that anyone else’s needs were unacceptable demands upon them.
Awful people.
Even when narcs gets something they really wanted or make decisions that totally benefit them, they experience a much shorter sense of happiness than non-narcs and they go back to being their miserable selves. I saw this with my abusive mother who fit covert vulnerable narcissitic patterns. Every choice that benefited her made her temporarily happy for like a few days or a few weeks, then she’d return to complaining about something or someone. She was chronically disappointed.
Dr. Ramani, you look beautiful! I love the hair, the make up, everything!! ☺
You’re describing my sister. holy !?!?!
Malignant narcissists are a nightmare…the best to do is to run for the hils and stay away however much it may hurt to get over it…and then stay on trick to heal