The 4 most HURTFUL ACCUSATIONS you hear in a narcissistic relationship
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They’ll do anything just to not be accountable.
How can you be commenting 47 minutes ago on a video posted 48 minutes ago and 42 minutes long?
@@MaxiMum1324 OMG so true!
@@MaxiMum1324 In all fairness. the material isn’t new; you can see Dr. Ramani wearing different clothes throughout the video. There are labels and it doesn’t even take a minute to see them if you scroll. So yes, one can get a fair idea of what the video covers.
Narcissists will often gaslight and use guilt shaming to make you believe that you’re the narcissist and they’re the victim. They do this as a way to be in control. They will take stuff you say out of context and twist it around to make you look like a terrible person for having said what you said. And the worst part is how they convince others to believe it.
I think that perverse reaction to a victim of narcissistic abuse is called EVIL. The gaslighting happened to me too. Failing marriage w/ 6 young kids was in my mind a crisis but I wasn’t allowed to say it!
I remember feeling “is something uniquely wrong with me?” It took me to reach my late 30s to understand what an elaborate act my parents maintain to keep the image up
Same here
@@woman.of.christits very common in narcissistic family setups it seems
@@mindlessmusician3117 I agree. I walked away from my family
I always had this low-key feeling of being inferior, and I never knew where it came from. Kids I knew that had the attitude of not wanting to try hard or achieve, they had often come from families with hard core abuse, but surely that wasn’t me? I wasn’t hit, or yelled at, I was just consistently put down and made to feel like I was a burden on the family
@@veggiet2009I agree, I felt I should be happy, I come from a family of no physical abuse.. Not realizing the subtle putdowns really screw with your mind over the years
“You imagined it, and are just trying to start trouble.”
Favorite phrase of my ex.
or how about “You’re delusional” as said by a rotten sister.
@@jg3094 A sister who wants a loving relationship with you would ask you where your perspective is coming from, and then would listen with an open heart to your response. Unfortunately, it’s rare! Especially if the rotten sister feels threatened by you.
The section on “You’re too selfish” 29.54 that goes into family enstrangement is gold. The decision as to what kind of distancing is needed (low to no contact) is worthy of it’s own video. A difficult decision which is a struggle for many.
Whenever I had to set boundaries, my ex narc would throw tantrums in public places where people around become spectators. I would tell them to calm down and not to do it here and let’s talk about it at home but they always wanted the attention and spotlight so that people would take their side and some would tell them that they don’t deserve to be with me and to leave ASAP. I even had horrible rumors spread about me as a result. It did a lot of damage to my mental health and really worsened my PTSD.
Wow, this is truly my life! It’s exactly what has happened to me. My Father actually told me that I was lucky my husband married me. You know because I’m so incompetent and dramatic. It’s so crazy because I have accomplished a lot in my life.
You get labelled as having mental health issues and they then play the role of being “supportive” and “understanding” but their body language and how they talk to you show you they’re enjoying playing that role and the power dynamics. They then gaslight you if you call them out or try to avoid them or push back. Speaking for myself, even when I know they’re doing this to me I still don’t want to mirror their behaviour back to them because that’s not how I treat anyone. But I do want to educate them and I tend to think they can’t really be doing this intentionally. Surely? In the past I even just went along with it, played that role they’d created for me because it was easier to just go along with it. But it didn’t sit right with me at all. Oh and I found that trying to alert others to what I believed was bullying from them just led to my concerns being dismissed or ridiculed and they’d then act differently in front of outsiders with me to make me seem like the one with the problem, difficult, lacking a sense of humour, angry etc.
It made me tear up to hear someone say what i have been gaslighted all my life to believe to be an angry person. They can never take ownership of their outbursts but a slight perceived frustration, it’s label attached to you to be an angry person. All my life i have struggled with this so much, i would have continued to if i wouldn’t have found you. You have changed my life or rather saved my life. I can’t thank you enough for these videos. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Whenyour home isn’t a safe space it hurts, there is no sense of belonging present.
Unfortunately, the truth is, in such a toxic home there is absolutely never a sense of belonging, which we literally cry out for from childhood to the end of our lives.. All the more so we have to be very careful about what kind of people we accept into our emotional life in the future.. Unfortunately, even this slight perceived frustration as a reaction to their neurotic outbursts is very often labeled as having psychological problems.
The example of the woman in the first segment, being “intense”, is exactly my life story. I grew up in a family with no money in a tiny apartment, and my parents demanded we be happy at all times because their coping mechanism was to fake smiles and laughter despite serious issues and downplay them. As a result, I was not permitted any problems. I wound up in one narcissistic relationship after another, including a husband and a best friend with an addiction, and I have never even batted an eye when I am being abused – verbally, physically, sexually, financially. But Every once in awhile when I am not as smiley and have a defense against anyone in my life, I am labeled as angry and intense. My narcissistic best friend told me I was a narcissist and making up decades of abuse to sound “cool” and have a reason to be in a bad mood when in reality I’m just a loser looking to get attention because I don’t deserve it otherwise. THAT is hard not to react to!
I remember being a little girl, & trying to talk to my grandmother or aunts & tell them, “but mommy says this or that, or mommy does this or that”. I was distressed & emotionally reaching out, but NO ONE knew what to say or do. I am 72 now & life continued to get more abusive & complicated. I feel as if my mother ingrained in me & set me up for a lifetime of subservience & acceptance of abuse from men, ( especially), & friends. Looking back, I can see clearly now how unloving, jealous, unbalanced this lack of empathy & nurturing this was. She is still extremely vengeful, demanding, & selfish. She is deceitful, & lies about everything. She has the power & resources to be helpful, but she will never do so without placing conditional strings upon me. She is 92 & still won’t be honest. She will not relinquish any information or any power of attorney in case of an accident or maybe even worse. No contact is definitely better, except for the misplaced guilt of knowing her age & frailty. I know in my heart that I have to take care of my mental, physical, & emotional well being first. Thank you for your knowledge & experience.
It guts me to read so many individuals’ accounts of life under the thumb of a narcissist, but it’s a beautiful thing to see a community where we can feel safe to be vulnerable.
Recognize how very strong you are just to be able to express this pain and share with others. You deserve support, love, and healing. May we all find it together.
I’m so sorry Janet and I get what you’re saying. I feel very similar about and my mother is similar to yours.
My situation is very similar. She is still using shaming, projecting and triangulating to maintain control. It is difficult.
The first scenario was/is my life. The only difference, the “narcissist” was my brother, and he was a sociopath and both my parents catered to him out of fear.
This video has me feeling so SEEN. Not only did the narcissist make me feel crazy when I had an emotional reaction to something, they did an “apology tour” on my behalf for my “over the top emotions” when I had suffered a loss. She took advantage of my grief to position herself as the “emotionally stable one.”
Dr Ramani,we will never meet but you are the only person,that has vocalized all the things I have gone through for 52 years of marriage!You have become my guiding light and saved my sanity.The saddest thing of all is that my children don’t know the real truth because I have hidden it from them to the extent that when I occasionally have an emotional outbreak,they think I am over reacting.If it wasn’t for the children,I would have gone long ago……now it’s too late but I am following your advice and getting to a place of peace.Thanks a million!
When I was Really little I went to my mom with a problem I was having and she gave me a cold stare and said ” Tough ! Deal with it !” so I started to cry do she cracked me across the face saying ” don’t you Dare start crying You Know better than to Show me That !” her face was like granite. Very Quickly I Learned to Live in my Books and keep my deepest innermost feelings to myself. But I did ask endless questions of many many people Trying to Figure it All Out
When I was 18 I kept telling my Mother ” I Love you ” and she would give me a Cold Hard Stare saying ” What do you Want ? What is your Game ?* God that hurt. It cut me to the Core !
Yeh–some folks use fake tears to be manipulative, so the genuine ones aren’t believed. Growing up, I was told hundreds of times that I was too sensitive.
My story… I have also problems with anger. As a child I was taught that being angry was bad and disrespectful. So I never learned to channel my anger in a healthy way. I am used to keep it all in. Mostly my anger escapes during my dreams. I tend to dream out loud . What comes out of me during my dreams is sometimes very scary, my husband says. Other times the anger is so intense and festering that I get extremely angry at people who don’t deserve it.
My mother is still a total narcissist and my poor father is so indoctrinated he can’t live without her “guidance “. As so many I had a marriage with a narcissist. You take what you know … After some addictions and many hospital admissions in the psych ward ( because of suicidal tendencies)I am now after more than 42 years struggling somewhat stable. I still take my meds and see a psychiatrist. Being raised by a narcissist can wreck you. The most painful is that is still love both my parents.
This is just horrible and so toxic and wrong 😭 and Soo many other things !! It makes me sick 🤒 I went through a narcissistic relationship and it was the one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through . Severe emotional abuse . I questioned my self worth, my. Self esteem, my identity, my dignity, my emotional and psychological state, I couldn’t sleep or eat, I was so depressed and sad , and angry and felt so alone and worthless like dirt, it was hell. I never wanna go through that kind of pain ever again! I’m still healing and it’s been over 3 years since he broke up with me. I still battle the sadness and depression time to time. 😢