The ‘blood from a stone’ trap in narcissistic relationships
Are you still hoping a narcissist will finally show you empathy, take accountability, or just be there for you? That hope can feel like trying to get blood from a stone—and it’s exhausting. In this video, we explore what radical acceptance really means in narcissistic relationships and why letting go of unrealistic expectations can bring peace. If you’re stuck in the cycle of hoping they’ll change, this is the perspective shift you need.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
It’s not going to happen. When you get to that realization and get ok with it…… it gets easier to move on. It’s a devastating but necessary realization. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
It is devastating.
And I think I realize it’s necessary. 🙁
@@matthewmiller8297sending heart hugs. ✨ try to just take it one day at a time and remember….. and breathe 💗 I’m
So sorry you’re dealing with this
We love you, Dr. Ramani, thank you for your tireless service to help narcissistic abuse victims🥺
It’s not just the rejection that hurts, it’s the false hope that keeps you coming back.
Definately!. I feel like I believed I am Harry Potter and I am going to be able to cross the brick wall unharmed and with all my emotions in one piece… So foolish of me…I hurt myself every single time but I keep on doing it!.. Maybe having a high IQ, has nothing to do with managing emotions. I know I am going to crash into that wall, but I still need to try, exactly 4 the reason I just heard: “Maybe this time will be different ” n it never is!..
That false hope they give you is called future faking.
I’m so thankful to dr Ramani for appearing in my feed when she did. My goodness. I had to stay in my relationship but to know that I’m on the right track how I deal with it and that I’m NOT insane or a b word is so heart healing ……. Thank you so much Dr 💗😭💗 I appreciate you more than you could ever know.
Yep, spent 35 years holding out hope that my love for them would prevail and someday I’d get through to them. Had to let it go, they’ll never see me on my terms, and their terms are unacceptable.
Exactly! 30 years for me.
I know that’s right… ‘radically accepting’ that my entire family just wishes I’d die with the truth about the pervasive toxic abuse & incestuous grooming- is what has helped me detach & walk away from all of them( almost). It’s taken me 40 years but I’m becoming more & more authentically ME. Meditation teaches me I am getting opportunities to RE- INVENT myself & be more of that beautiful child that liked to sing & act & play.
They never see your side. Even if you show them that their so and so behavior hurt you, they don’t care. They’re reply, make a surprised face, “i didn’t know you get bothered by such small stuff. When will you learn to let go of such small stuff? You’re so petty. Don’t get angry please.” As if they want me to get angry so they could calm me down and then take credit, “See i healed him.”
Sadly for me, when I did not know about narcissism and I was by my dad’s deathbed I recall now, how I wanted to hear the three magic words I LOVE YOU just once from him.
Never got that from my father either.
I am now reconciled with my feelings about this experience and I sincerely hope the same for you ❤
You had me in tears 4 minutes in.
Hope seems to play such a part in this, the hope that they will show an iota of empathy, compassion, care, anything they showed before they revealed themself as who they really are. They seem to know this too, that we hold onto hope for them. It is completely devastating to understand there is nothing forthcoming, nothing there. Thank you for all you do Dr Ramani.
That day of radical acceptance set my plan of action into motion, and created total indifference/apathy along with the loss of any hope. It was the start of the end, even though it took years to reach “the end”. It causes extreme grief, and self-judgement, which takes time to move through.
Any wisdom on how to arrive at that special place? Did something in particular help you get to that magical moment of acceptance/indifference?
@@Bitchofasister I can’t pinpoint any one particular thing that caused my realization. Basically I just had an aha moment, after years of him repeatedly doing incomprehensible things that I simply couldn’t wrap my head around with any form of logic. I came to the conclusion that there’s no hope in him ever having a normal or healthy relationship due to his total lack of disrespect and all the other personality traits he possessed. Watching Dr. Ramani’s videos, and educating myself on gaslighting, blame shifting, devaluing, etc. helped me to identify what I was experiencing. That’s what caused my epiphany.
When I got deathly ill, before my hospitalization I needed 24 hour care. My mother and sisters cared for me while he continued working his normal work day. While in the hospital he was on the phone outside when my sister spotted him. Who was he talking to after he visited me for like, for 10 minutes? After that, I got a feeling there was something odd going on and started my own saving account, separate from our joint account. Two years later he revealed his long term affair. He took all our money initally, passbooks in those days and account numbers. I had nothing. They were probably hoping I would just die. I filed for divorce the next day and never looked back. Now, decades later, I did not realize how fantastic life could be! 😊
I hoped for 10 years and then I left and had a broken heart for 10 more years but at least when I had a broken heart I was free and I had moments of joy, many of them. If I had stayed there never would have been joy ever again.
Love is the answer. But learning about what love is and/or isn’t — is maybe even a bigger answer. ❤
Radical acceptance is a difficult journey because it has to overcome the high wall of hope.
I think what makes the 100% acceptance so difficult is that I was completely convinced that the empathy and caring gestures early in our relationship were real. And 12 yrs later I’m with a totally different man… My brain and heart struggle to believe that I could believe something so performative, and also that I somehow missed that “love” meant entirely different things to each of us. How can someone fake empathy so well when they actually don’t feel anything of the sort…? So hard to get to the peak of letting it go, but I’ve been at 98% wayyy too long. Ramani, you’re a real one, and I don’t know where I’d be without your insight… sending you lots of thanks and love for all the ways you bring this issue to the masses. It’s such a life changer and very isolating bc it’s so hard to explain; you are doing more good than you will ever know. 🙂
“you are now aware” bravo Dr. Ramani
very key statement.
Very sobering because most people with narcissistic traits , don’t even know they have them.
t’s heartbreaking how many people remain caught in the endless loop of hoping for change from someone who never will. Dr. Ramani, your discussion on radical acceptance is a powerful wake-up call. Reading Your Mind Was A Target from tessa vosshelped me grasp how systemic mental manipulation fuels these toxic cycles and keeps us chained to false expectations. Your video echoes that painful reality only by letting go can true healing begin. Thanks for sharing these crucial insights.
Yes the psychic harassment of the narcissist. I know there is nothing there between us. If his mouth moves he’s lying. Then he says something as if he actually cares. A cat and mouse game. This can throw me out of balance for a second! In one second one emotional remark. I’m like gathering my senses together, he’s got to be just plain out kidding me. The psychic emotional game just to break you. There’s no hoping to go back to something that never was! You can’t get blood from a stone and you can’t coldcock a ghost!
He’s just a narcissist nothing more or nothing less !
i’ve been waiting for 45 years with my parents and respectively 18 years with my husband. It would be a miracle if they ever acknowledge the impact of their narcissistic decisions and behaviours! Until then, radical acceptance, stay as neutral as possible, don’t share information, develop healthy friendships and focus on your own wellbeing.
Wise words!
I have realized not to confuse one happy day with “it’s all going to be awesome now.” Also from another of your videos I realized that lack of fighting doesn’t mean a happy holiday.
Narcs never change. It’s a lost life. We live only once. Some of us watched these videos too late. Some of us never recover. Radical acceptance isn’t any magical cure for the years wasted or the betrayal. It still hurts. Life couldve been so so much easier.
So Brilliant. These examples and explanations are so EMPOWERING. Stop expecting what the stone can’t give, and be ready with plan B. So good!
it’s been a month since i stop engaging with my narc parent, not giving in the provocations, and finally i can see all their insecurities coming through. i’m no longer the one feeling uncomfortable in the room, i stand tall and proud of not needing them anymore emotionally and they can sense it. i still have a long way to go to feel free, but for the first time im able to breathe. your videos helped me tremendously in starting my journey of radical acceptance, thank you.
It took a long time but after you realize they just wont change, it helps tremendously!!! Still hurts etc but at least I know there is nothing I can do to change them. I have learned so much from you Dr. Ramani.