The confusion between someone BEING CONTROLLING vs. CARING for you
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Yes! Thank you. They enjoy controling people through illnesses, because it makes them look useful and competent in front of the community.
And being disabled wtf can you do?!
@rakheepatel9212 be aware 🙂
Awareness may not change your circumstances, but it surely changes your perspective and with that you’ll feel a kind of freedom and a sense of boundaries 🤗
Then, either your circumstances will change or you won’t care about them at all. Internally things will feel different than now.
Absolutely that cup of tea comes inequitably loaded. Choose your cups of tea with wise discernment. Yeh, this sucks too, nothing is off limits 😮
Word for word
Ultimate goal controls someone’s life. Being financially controlled is the darkest thing Narcissist do. I’ve been there.
Me too, Although I’m still stuck because they made me dependent but I’m planning my escape. Most probably by starting next year
When enabled they honestly feel they are entitled to take money of others to ensure they can control it
Same here
Same here. I was refused to take a job. After ten years of bondage I decided to leave and thank we didn’t have any kids to keep us connected. I left four months ago 🎉. I pray you leave soon because that’s you truly begin to live and heal 😢
@@FavourIkhina Thankyou 🙏🏼
I realised that all his “care” and “concern” would be held over my head later. Every argument started with all he does for me! Been out of the relationship six weeks and the pain is hell bc of traumatic bonds. I broke up because of several factors- but a massive one was this caregiving piece/because I am getting ready to have abdominal surgery and I don’t want the anxiety of him making me feel guilty for being sick! No I don’t want you to take care of me! No I don’t want the guilt along with physical pain! 😢
Thanks for sharing. Been there too. Do you have a close friend or family member who can help you? That really helped me. Wishing you much strength and fast healing ❤️🩹 ❤ Hugs 🫂
Praying that your surgery goes well and with no complications. God bless you. Amen!
Mine told me he had a panic attack when I was rushed to the hospital, exaggerating. It was guilt inducing and I think he wanted an apology for me needing medical help. Also yelled at me while I was fainting saying I need to get blood tests, etc.
I hope you recover wonderfully from both the narc and your surgery. Good for you for leaving, I did too and am so much better off. Watching videos like this are so great.
I wish you well, we’re actually better on our own then with them, even when sick, I’ve been there too. Trust in God, except everything for what it is, and I don’t mean stay or go back I mean that’s what they are, what you’ve seen is who they are, and always will be.
Good foresight and good decision.
I couldn’t even start a home project without him stepping in and taking over…even when he was exhausted from taking over every other household or work project. Then it was, “I do everything around here, why can’t others (meaning me) do more??”
Wowww😮
Yes!! They think their the only ones who can do anything “the right way.” It is crippling!
Spot on dr Ramani. Unsolicited advice equals criticism and whoever wants to control you doesn’t trust you and is your enemy not a friend.
When they start with the “you should haves” I have learned, do not nurture that acquaintance for anything more.
Dr. Ramani, I just had a huge realization. He would control everything in the home ( finances, what was said and done, etc.) but he never did anything himself. He would scream that he did all the heavy lifting but I was tasked with taking care of everything with the kids and the household, both inside and out. So, if someone is telling you to do this, that and the other but doesn’t lift a finger themselves, that’s a huge red flag!!🚩
Im guilty of giving unsolicited advice. As a child of a narcissistic family i was turned into their mother, if i wasn’t on their heals inquiring, caring, cleaning, offering aid upon guesses a their passive agressive behaviour i was a “careless and unloving daughter”, they took their feelings out on me and if i wasn’t constantly problem solving and offering help i was punished by the removal of the foods i was able to eat, so now if someone confides in me (like my parents would trauma dump or use me as thwir counsellors or source of triangulation) i immediately offer information that pertains to whats wrong and this includes advice, im getting better at asking first if they’d like advice or to just vent but sometimes that comes with verbal attack for they claim i should know
@@sunnystardust1008agree 💯 %
@ … and another soul with the capacity to be understanding. Whoever you are, I am sorry you went through that and I am grateful for this reply. You try. Just that says a lot about who you are. Why can’t it be you that gives the unsolicited advice then??? Bc then we can at least discuss how we can discuss it better!!! Oh thank you truly for this comment!! Then let’s say someone does get all huffy with their should haves what is a way YOU would appreciate being told no thank you. Bc I do not say anything at times out of fear of hurting their feelings or saying “I know, I tried that already, I’m not totally dense.” And then putting them off. Yikes! It’s the pushover inside me I’m trying to retrain.
This is a wonderful video I feel seen. My two narcissitic parents always enjoyed when I was sick and could control me and then complain out loud when I had recoverd, it was twisted. They also isolated me from everybody so now I’m a 45 year old hermit and I’m struggling financially so my narc mother is very happy that she gets to control and humiliate me by giving me money, It’s a horrible situation and I can’t find a job to support myself, I’m trapped and I hate her
Well said! This is how the narcissist manipulate others into thinking that they care about the person, when really behind the scenes they are trying to be that persons puppet master. In this way, the narcissist is looking for a double opportunity in order to receive supply. 1st the audiences attention about the matter and then the person that they say they are trying to help. When they crave attention and the spotlight, this is one of the ways they move or behave.
Oh, wow, is this timely. I am a stroke survivor, and am part of a Facebook group for survivors. A couple of days ago someone posted that their spouse insisted on controlling all aspects of their life, and that they thank them for doing it, because the stroke had made them helpless and incompetent. The survivors was clearly frightened and confused. Every alarm in my head went off and I commented that they should watch some of the videos here. I hope they see this one.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
Best wishes. Love.
I’m from The Deep South, and while listening, I couldn’t help recalling plantation owners saying, “WE take care of our slaves. They are WAY better off than they’d be on their own.”
And often, much the same sentiment thrives in modern day business. But, at least in my life, I get waaay more accomplished on my own, than I do at work. I am there, because there’s an attendance policy. I am pretty sure, however, that the powers that be, see themselves as nothing but a gift.
Brilliant comment. Narcissism is not just about individuals. Societies and possibly civilisations are based on narcissistic patterns… High time to break the patterns and build healthy relationships, both on the personal and global level. Cheers and thank you.
@@kitiamuriel narcissism and racism are known to be close relatives.
Wow
Lot of people down south think this way
Omg 😳 you’re literally talking about my narcissistic parents. It’s like you’re talking to my soul and I have chills about it right now.
Same😢 my my mom
I’ll soon move in with my sister
She’s a scapegoat
Such brilliant advice. I went through this, and yes it’s very confusing. I think covert narcissists are the ones who do this the most. Giving something always comes with a display of annoyance and superiority. Thank you, Dr Ramani for having the BEST channel on this topic. So, so helpful.
i used to love the song, Someone to watch over me, but when you’ve been watched over incorrectly, you never want that again.
I had to move back in with my family due to financial issues from a car accident that left me unable to work for a while. I was also helping my family by paying them rent and taking care of my nephews. But my mom would say that I ‘couldn’t handle my finances’ and my dad would say ‘no one asked you to help’ and so they painted me as this messed up incapable person whenever I expressed concerns. The dynamic was awful, after horrible fights with them, where my mom said horribly emotionally abusive things about me, she would buy me gifts and expect me to then be ok. It was super messed up. Grateful for therapy and this program to help me get back on my feet and remember who I am. Everything thinks my mom’s a saint cause she gives so much to people, but it’s very much used to control them and make herself look good. I don’t care what others think now. So many blind enablers all around. I know the truth and am taking myself back. Disengaging keeping boundaries and focusing on me. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I’ve been in your shoes and I’ll be praying for your fortitude of mind. Stay strong in your Spirit! God bless you. Amen!
I’m sorry that you had to experience this type of pain, keep on looking after yourself,so that you can share your positive self with others and you can experience a healthy relationship that is about you,me and us !
You should only care about what others think about you or your behaviour if they are truly concerned about you,me and us .
Otherwise it is toxic.
There is a very fine line between someone who seems to be caring and taking care of you and someone else who seems to feel the need to insert themselves in your life to “take care of you” out of the need to insert themselves. Being overly caring and being a busibody can become quite toxic.
We received a long lecture from the stepMIL filled with care and concern about decisions ranging from our home, our coffee choice, my education, our dog, yada yada. After receiving this lecture, I realized it is a miracle that we made it to our 30’s using our own brains….. This same inlaw is not talking to us any more because we responded to her long apology with boundaries. We also reminded her of her own words that we aren’t children any more. It’s been over 1.5 years since she has talked to us. She recently went online and claimed she was living her best life and unapologetically removing toxic people.
Sometimes the trash takes itself out 😂
This is my mother. I’m 28 and she still tries to control me, and it seems like she’s “caring” to others.
I was controlled by my late mom until she died when I was 38.
I was controlled by my late mom until she died when I was 38 years of age.
@@kurttoy5035Same. Everything I’ve ever been “given” since childhood was done in exchange for absolute obedience and breaking down all my boundaries and decisions, no matter how good they were for me.
Now, I don’t care to play her games, so she bad mouths me to anyone who will listen just to make me look bad. I prefer being seen as “difficult” by whoever believes her BS now.
This is soo my Aunt, I cut her off but she didn’t care because she thought I would go back to her. I didn’t now she knows I meant it when I left.
Literally same
The instances of “help” are so spot on, it chills. Poisoned help.
Dr Ramani, what a breath of fresh air you are! Thank you for your work. ❤❤❤
I always marvel that parents I see today give their kids a say in what their bedroom looks like or clothes they wear. My narc mother had to control all of that when I was growing up. I caved because watching my sister push back caused war-zone trauma in the house. I’m just frustrated it took me this long to understand what was happening for the whole of my life with that woman. And now that I’m pulling away and asserting my boundaries and sticking to them, holy cats there’s hell to pay. Thank heavens I don’t have to cave anymore to keep the peace. Thank you Dr. Ramani❤
Same
Same. So sorry. That’s spot on with the experience with my mother with things. Everything had conditions. Even as a kid, bc they’re paying for it, she picks it. I wanted a rustic bedroom nothing victorian looking, I was an 80s kid… and for my desk to be in front of the window. Those were my two requests bc kindly enough I thought, she asked. So she chose a beige victorian style, and a desk with a built in bookcase in it. I did not express disappointment aside from asking if the bookcase could be detached and moved on something else bc I saw screws in the back – I was 9 lol, and she said no and that I should be grateful that they can afford to get me a bedroom set bc other children had so much less. At that point I started learning when to pretend and I can’t stand faking it to this day. Yay.
In the end, thank you for not letting this mold you into an extension of them and doing your part for you and those around you, to pave a loving way.
same. all clothes good will and 5x too big and usually the wrong gender. no say in ‘my room’ it was literally a closet with a broken door
@@user-wi9hv2pb2q that’s awful. I’m sorry. We know better and won’t repeat in whatever ways we can. Thank you to all the warmth and kindness I surely know you share with others. Love never fails! 💜
the way you described you and your sister and the war zone. same here