The cult-like CONTROL the narcissist has over YOU
Ever feel like your narcissistic relationship felt more like a cult? You’re not imagining it. This video breaks down the eerie similarities—love bombing, isolation, control, betrayal—and why narcissistic abuse can feel just like being trapped in a cult of one.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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I appreciate your insights to help me clear the fog!
My narcissistic sister often said: Call me. We can phone. She never calls me herself except for congratulate to my birthday. The rest of the year she doesnt call me. I have to call. I stopped calling her, no contact.
My goodness! Ditto. It’s hurtful and exhausting 😢
😂😂 i stopped calling my narc ex.. and nothing 😂
so peacefull..
i got rid of my sister for same reason, several years ago.. what a relief😅
I don’t even get a call..😂😂
Same here
It’s nothing I’ve done other than to quit a toxic job….my sister was human resources she one if those I told you so. I live her but I truely did my very best …my brother in law was a narc always triangulatef yes since passed away
@@singhoneforme nobody calls me either.
As someone who struggles with loneliness and depression, I jumped into many different communities online and in person, just to find a sense of belonging somewhere. Because I was so vulnerable, my judgement was so clouded enough, not to notice any of the red flags in some of those places. When you’re lonely enough, even that kind of toxic certainty feels comforting. But the deeper I got involved, the more I started to feel that they were cult-like and some were actual cults. Somehow I started feeling lonelier and more isolated. I did eventually pull away before I got dragged even deeper. I used to feel embarrassed about it, but now I see it for what it was. I just really wanted connection, and I was looking for it anywhere I could. I do notice patterns with these cults and communities that have this cultish atmosphere. There’s always a charismatic leader who has all the traits of a malignant narcissist. Ones that are decentralized and don’t have a leader have this herd mentality where they’re very protective of their ideologies and a lot of gate keeping. But what they all have in common is how they strip you away from your identity and make you feel even more isolated.
Thank you for mentioning online cults. I was in one where the “leader” called out others online. He questioned people who were also on other channels. He abused the fact that I was in a difficult place in life to reel me in. He has since discarded me (thank goodness) following a false allegation + his own paranoia, and now he’s doing the same to other people. I went no contact/ no online presence under the account he knows, and now I’m trying to get his channels taken down, with some success, given that he says and writes awful things about lots of people.
I agree, it’s best to go no contact. Sadly there are plenty of them here on YouTube. There are some good communities here but I would still advise not to get too deep into them. There is a YouTube video I watched from a channel called “Life After a Cult” and the video title “Is Your Favorite Creator a Cult Leader?” It’s a great video talking about how to tell if an online community could be a cult.
This is what a “community” I was in, I was in it at age 12, age 17 when I found out and told the truth but still wanted to engage in the community even when I was lied to for 5 years, I did my best to explain my fears, concerns, but I was only seen as hateful in their eyes, no matter how much nuance I provided, I lost my cool, to where I lashed out and later regret because I realized I was consumed by my own emotions and that was used against me while my regrets were dismissed like they wanted to frame me in a way that was out of character, and it is rare that I lost my cool, I was called obsessed, failed to be raised, a terrible kid, and the YouTuber didn’t show the hurtful things they said to me, only cherry picked me losing my cool, not showing my regrets of what I did, they twisted the story, and says they are tired but there is proof of them be nasty and scary to others but they easily get away with it, etc. I’m 18 now and it’s been a year and a half ish since it happened and I still am haunted to where it’s hard to make a video calling out the lies when the proof is gone, I even stupidly deleted parts of them hurting me thinking they’d be honest about the situation even when they had a history of not telling the full story of the drama they been in previous years, they get away with acting Innocent, and sees the world is after them, or pull the human argument, but constantly pulls the same stunt they claim to not be doing, twisting people’s words, leaving out information spreading misinformation, etc. A lot of stuff they get away with. Again I can relate.
@@KoalaOwlPaws I’m so sorry that this happened to you as a teenager, it’s bad enough when you’re an adult! I can only advise you to think twice before you make and publish a video about the cult leader; the one I know keeps making (distasteful) video after video about those who made videos critcizing him. His loyal supporters know about this, but they don’t leave him, instead they become even more loyal. Tbh if he had not discarded me I’d probably still be defending him and advertising his channels all over the internet.
There is a lot more that I’ve been through with the YouTuber, just I purposely be vague because of the fear of a potential smear campaign on my character further, I know how it feels when the hard core fans believe anything and it’s the victim’s who knows the actual story, the advice I got from others is wait until I build a decent sized audience (which I hope to become popular with my own interest in the art field) so I can then speak out, because when I called them out it didnt end well, because they have about 600k+ subs, while I had 100+ (from people who supported my dream to become a anime artist, etc. Just a lot of planning and stressing, worst part is the fear of my parents finding out, because I would have to explain 5 years worth of stuff from the Internet and the community I was in, I carry a huge purden, I just hope one day I can become famous and speak out and help others as well, many also had bad experiences with the YouTuber to where a parent (mother) got involved to take her child off the Internet for a while, it’s hurts to see people hurt others and act as if the events never existed, but they want to be the person to say there human, they have feelings but dismiss others, just a lot of hurt going around. I pray for the both of us for closure to when we can finally break out from this nightmare. @@duitseles9687
They establish your loyalty and keep it a helluva lot longer than they ever planned to give of themselves.
🗝 Unlock that supply.
Lol wow
@@stuck-y8g,
I’ve realized that they are a lot more stuck than you. It is an illusion if by their actions you are stuck. They won’t ever become unstuck. They are prisoners of themselves and their thinking but you don’t have to give over your agency in the name of loyalty. It’s not about cheating them but more about not cheating yourself in this type of abuse. You don’t need to be a chip on their shoulder. It will still be there after your no longer there to take it.
I learned a new term a month or so ago. Totalistic Identity Theory is like Enmeshment but on a larger scale like a cultic religious system. A person’s identity is defined through the cult. It’s what Dr. Ramani was describing here.
Yes! I’m in my mid-40s and continue to have identity issues because of this. You get so used to filtering your independent ideas through what the “gods” will allow, in the end, it feels impossible to know which parts are actually YOU!
My family cut me off in 2022. I grew up in a narcissistic, abusive home that looked perfect from the outside. It was a cult behind closed doors.
It sounds like your family might have been JW’s, or in some kind of a cult?
All too common, sadly. Wishing for your healing
Much love. You’re better off. They cut you off because you represented truth and accountability. Big hug!
I’m the black sheep of my family. My relatives don’t have anything to do with me. I have a sister that’s 8 years younger than me we haven’t seen each other since we were kids.
I could say I grew up in a cult like household. Both parents were definitely narcissists. I’m adopted and was always told I was so lucky to be so by those who knew. I have always felt that I “owed” my parents whatever they asked … until 5 years ago when I found out that my life being controlled, even as an adult was because of my parents issues. A real eye opener.
My husband is a self righteous narc. He has done sooooo many of the things you describe in this video. I’m in the process of leaving him now. Thank so much!
Much love. Nurture yourself from within. Don’t let the bastard grind you down. Visual your life of freedom on the other side.
Run
They want you to obey, to do as they say, like a slave.
Yes and that’s why I got away. I understand why I was ostracized because I’m the scapegoat and truth teller and family members who are toxic are afraid of being exposed.
I wish more therapists knew this. I remember specifically saying to two different therapists that it seemed like a cult. Boy was that a Big Red Flag! And no one including me picked up on that until after I attempted suicide because of the narcissistic devalue and discard. The nex still tried to justify his behavior by saying he was “polyamourous” and wanted 2 wives. He justified his behavior because “King David was a murderer and a rapist”. Fortunately I am now divorced. It was hard and took lots of therapy and I am still listening to Dr Ramani. Narcissists are still out there
Yes, absolutely you’re right on the money. Religions are a favorite environment for narcissists. This has been a big problem from the beginning of human culture. And narcissists are both male and female. Religions are just one of their haunts. Government, military, industry, Judges , medical etc, etc. Anywhere that admiration, manipulation, and control is possible. Untold millions have been slaughtered and untold amounts of emotional pain. This is evil. They know what they are doing.
The psychiatry cult rejects this obviously
I am fascinated about the similarities between Scientology and narcissistic people.
Jehovah Witness I may add
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y both is a cult, yehovah and scientology actually.
im in Europe, we call them sect, cult here
My husband is an ‘ex’ scientologist. All they teach is narcissism.
@@ClaudetteMissthey take a lot from the Navy. Is that what they teach in the Navy, too? My sister was in the Navy and boy is she Narcissistic!!
@@rturney6376 lol! My husband works for the Navy!
Brilliant. Best cult-like control video so far with next level comprehension, descriptions, and examples. You are so Great at this, Dr. Ramani. Thank you, thank you, thank you and your amazing Team for everything you do for this community!
I know I will never be bullied or controlled by any of them or their cohorts ever again. Thank you so much Dr Ramani for helping make the situation so clear 👍👌
Been in a relationship as an expat-wife for almost 15 years, lived in various countries. He made his career. The relationship hit the rocks. Looking back, the isolation, having no (social) network left, I realize how cult-like it was being married to someone who in the end totally exploited the whole situation. Back in my own country people don’t get what you have gone through …… I am so grateful you’re doing these video’s. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your validation, can’t thank you enough :).
Soooo glad that this cult like behavior is being exposed. I was having this conversation with a co worker not that long ago about how some(not all) family systems can be set up like a cult. If 1 person even falls out of line all hell breaks loose and they will NEVER hear the end of it. God forbid you make mistakes around these type of cultish people as well, because to them being perfect & right matters more than actual relationships with human beings. It’s demonic in nature. It’s heartbreaking & soul crushing. Because walking away from these systems never come lightly. A lot of thought is put into outcomes, feelings of guilt, loss, shame etc.
Summed up – never trust anyone who says they have all the answers. Or someone who wants you to sacrifice for a larger cause. If they want YOUR MIND, your body and time. This is abuse.
I never fit in totally and I never will. Even as a small child I was asked to be quiet lol , I wanted the answers for everything. Still this way as far as cults , religions, new age goes. I can identify the narcissist and the cult being very very similar.
Good video, My wife has file for a divorce and move out of the house i never imaging this day will come because i feel so much pains right now and its not easy breaking up with your long life partner. I love her so much and wish to have her back
Loosing someone you love is so difficult and frustrated my wife also file for a divorce about 4months ago and kept silent but i was able to get her back and cancel the divorce with the help of a spiritual counselor
Good to hear you were able to get your love back and how can i get one to help me get my lover back
His name is Father Osoba Salama and he is a great spiritual counselor who can get your ex back
Thank you for this valuable information, I just look him up online with the name and found his website
love keep that light within you on. take that bushel off and shine, even if its only for you right now.
Being raised in a highly controlled environment by 2 narcissist parents, I’ve always identified closely with cult members. When my parents split, my mom moved us every 2 years so I never got to form lasting relationships. We joined a cult-like Christian church, which only deepened the indoctrination.
As a child, I had no autonomy. My mom regularly sifted through my things, searching for diaries, where if she found something she didn’t approve, she’d issue out harsh punishments & refuse to speak to me for weeks.
If I made a new friend, she would act monstrously to them and tell me “I’m your only friend. No one else cares about you.” It was always my job to act my heart out as the smiling daughter with an AMAZING mom.
Today, only one person has ever believed me. No one can seem to fathom having so little control over their life, choices or even their thoughts.
You have blown the subject of narcissistic and cult behaviors and similarities wide open! This describes my past situation, and it was so horrific that it took years to unravel, and recover from. Astounding as it may sound, I was yelled at and blamed for that relationship by my religious leaders. Then subsequently, treated like the scum of the earth. Not loving! Especially since I spent seven years with that organization.
It made me realize how much narcissism is in the world. And how people pretend to have your best interest at heart, as long as you stay compliant.