The GATEWAY Narcissist
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I love you Dr. Ramani! You have help me get through the b.s with my soon to be ex-narc husband! I have radical acceptance and ready to move on
Get out before it’s too late! 💪🏼😅
Please think again.
I hope you mean so to be EX 😮
Great but take a year to recover & release that trauma bond as you let the codependency go
@@amyhawks370 yes I do! I edited the comment for sure
We cannot get used to them. Whatever is the type. We only put up to try our best to save the relationship.
Not anymore
I will never get used to the awful, tedious relationships with them. Whatever the type, they weigh and measure you in every interaction.
Narcissists, mild or not, they’re still narcs and still just as toxic.
Takers or abusers are cut from the same cloth, like the emperor’s new clothes… there’s nothing but delusion
My father is the narcissist, im th3 scapegoat. It got so bad I threatened to have him cremated, since then, our relationship is improving,
Been doing my best to steer clear of all narcs and psychos, knowing very well they are unavoidable on this beautiful planet Earth, which is why even after more than ten years of studying this topic, I still often watch videos while most videos are upsetting because most videos address the mild and the generalized versions of narcissists and psychopaths but good reminders. Once upon a time the heavens rain down puppies and kittens for the good of humanity. 🥰🌱
I’m alone with my rescue cats @ 66 with no plans to trust humans again 😊
❤️ and a big, empathetic 😁 to both of you!
Thank you Dr Ramini.
This made so much sense to me!!
I was married over 40 years ago to a controlling, abusive man that I left after almost a year of his abuse.
I moved on but obviously not knowing anything about narcissism .
Sadly it seems that I’ve drawn this type if controlling behaviour into my life time and again.
I spent 20 years with someone who was very controlling and it was only when someone pointed out what she saw did I SEE IT!! Again..I moved on.
But most recently the latest narcissistic man was worse than both!! But I tried to make it work. I’ve learned so much about narcissism in the past year and realise that the other 2 were the gateway to the horror of putting up and getting on with it.
I’m free now, but healing slowly .❤
Free and single——-yehhhhhh
Most definitely yippeeee !!😊@@jamesmcginn8874
No matter what degree of narcissim , it always ends up in 💔
💔❤️🩹♥️
True.
Thank you sooooooo much Dr. Ramani!!!!!! ❤👍 OMG!!! this is literally what I’m experiencing right now! I’m sick of my mildly narcissistic friends, I just have 0 patience for it anymore…
Interesting! It makes me start to wonder about Narcissistic group dynamics like in a cult or a toxic workplace, or a toxic religious congregation where the Narcissists have all the power and the Narcissistic qualities and behaviors are lauded. It seems like the less shocking Narcissists can pull unsuspecting victims in and convince them to walk into a nightmare situation in the ways you described. Thanks for another great video!
I have felt relief not having a narcissistic person around but my nervous system hasn’t really got the memo. Kind of like narcissists ghosts remain in our nervous system. The aftereffects can go deep. Things can feel like they’re happening again now. Reliving in flashbacks. Or even memories as they come up can feel fresh. I’ve been feeling the nervous system vibrations.
Sometimes the affects on our psyches or nervous system or physical health may remain. Fatigue. Maybe healing.
Flashbacks can feel disturbing. I guess they can be retraumatizing for people. Then the startling and scanning the rooms as if there’s danger when alone after there’s an unexpected sound and rushing to check the door. Having a feeling of doom much of the time. The uncontrollable shaking can feel rough. I had that come on recently when I just couldn’t find my keys for a moment when leaving a store. Whole body. They were in a pocket I wasn’t used to under some stuff. Doom.
Memories can be difficult too.
What really urks me about my mom being able to get away with her behavior is that once I react I’m automatically the bad guy. It happened last night around our friends. She was making faces at me only I caught onto, then she said under her breath that I was a bad daughter because I was starting to get uncomfortable with her passive aggression on full display. I so desperately wanted to say “what about you being a bad mother, guess that makes two of us huh?”.. but I bit my tongue and decided to remove myself without saying anything because I really don’t like conflict , so I went into another room. One of my our friends asked if I was ok, I explained how I felt, then she goes “your mom loves conflict that’s just a part of her personality either you guys need to be apart for now… or you could just try to tough it out and eat with us 🤷🏻♀️” it’s absolutely nerve wrecking having to stay in the presence of my mother when she acts like that. The subtle glares and snide remarks makes me feel like the same neglected and secretly despised child growing up. I had to remove myself but the dinner party was so awkward because of my absence from the table. I could tell I completely killed the vibe but I never tried to make it about me… that tore me apart. For my mom it’s “that’s a part of her personality” but i hate victimizing Myself even though I’m 26 with depression, complex ptsd, add, and bpd all stemming from my childhood and yet I’m still told to suck it up… thank god radical acceptance saved me from spiraling. I thank god everyday for dr. Ramoni, you are beyond goated!
No contact plz
What great self awareness and insight you are developing … and at such a young age! It’s maddening.
She is not good for you.
I’M PROUD OF YOU, YOU’RE GOING TO GET THROUGH IT. GO FAR AWAY FROM HER IF IT’S POSSIBLE.
Oh my gosh! Every word hits home, Dr Ramani. You are an incredible listener. One by one, we distance ourselves from these toxic people, until we feel completely alone – and doubt our abilities to build new relationships
I now doubt there are trustworthy humans… human nature being what it evidently is!
Thank you Dr. Ramani — this was very eye opening. I have a pattern of getting involved in friendships where I play the role of unpaid therapist, the ever-patient listener to my friends’ woes. Until now, I never thought of these people as narcissists, just “a bit selfish,” or “preoccupied with their own stuff.” But they never reciprocated the attention I gave them, and when I became aware of this and tried to reclaim my own time/space with them, I was met with resistance and, in one case, downright nastiness. I learned to walk away from these people. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to replace them with healthy friendships, so I’m pretty isolated. I’m very leery of falling into the same trap.
Thank you so much for describing your situation. I (62) have the same experiences! Self – Awareness and Self – Protection is after all such (bad) experiences very important! 🍀🙋🏻♀️
Definitely feel you. Same here.
Beware of envy from people you try to help because now there’s a target on your back forever
It’s sad how much I feel every word you’ve written. I’m sorry you had to go through that too. Let’s be friends 😂 in what universe do two caring people actually end up forming a relationship. I know! A universe without childhood trauma… sigh!
This video is a huge reminder to me of how it seems as if our social systems promote selfishness. How do we, -where do we begin in promoting caring and unselfish behaviors ? It is rather obvious that we each need to walk the talk so to speak, but is it enough? I am actually surprised and even sometimes shocked when people behave unselfishly. I have come to expect narcissism as the example set by leaders and prominent people. When leaders and others behave unselfishly it seems as if the “algorithms” almost ignore it.
The algorithms DO almost always ignore it. You’re not imagining it.
I’m 66 & the difference between a President like Carter from the greatest generation & those coming into power now who are bragging about how narcissistic they really are… it’s such a dangerous scary society!
Many years ago I couldn’t see it, now that I’m older I can see it very clearly.
Thank You – I am reminded of a saying that seems very fitting with narcissists.
“The price of Freedom is eternal vigilance.”
This videos answers a lot of questions I have and the nuances I’ve been noticing in the relationships around me. Now that I am more regulated and don’t take things so personally around the severe narcissists in my life (the holidays were a big challenge) the mild to moderate narcissism, or even my own egocentrism, is a lot easier to pick up on and acknowledge. I feel like I just leveled up and can have some authentic autonomy over my life, even more so than before. It’s so hard when you’re in the thick of things and experiencing abuse and confused about it but as I get better at seeing things from a further away perspective, gathering knowledge and applying it, I find this all so very interesting and it’s really helpful for my wellbeing. Anyway, thanks Ramani for this video. I have a passion for psychology and have been following your videos for years, bought some of your books, etc. Big fan ❤
Too many of them for comfort… The more you educate yourself, the less you believe the stats. 1 in 6 people? It’s more like 1 in 4!!!
They are only mild until they target you out of envy because you threaten their supply, position or ego. Just because they aren’t after you now, doesn’t mean it’s mild narcissism. You just aren’t their current target. Their target at work or school or church will not be getting the mild side. You are or you aren’t narcissistic. I don’t believe in spectrum. You just made not be a target but doesn’t mean they aren’t full blown evil to someone else.
As I listened, I found the one grounding thing I have to remember as relationships happen is to remember where I came from or my history. I can hopefully make better choices and I have my truth. My truth doesn’t leave me in healing. Boundaried truth has been a lifesaver and a step to freedom. Not easy but workable.