The GOLDEN CHILD’S relationship with their NON-NARCISSISTIC parent
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
praying for you, Dr Ramani❤
We love you ~ thank you for all You do!
i def had this kind of situation ~ Narc mom AND dad is a pilot ✈️ he was always having to attend to her when he was home
i encouraged my dad a lot because i knew that was a love language def not getting met by her
@@Victoria_Loves_Jesusmy father was a (fighter) pilot too & was treated like the Almighty when he was home when we had to be not seen & not heard
What a comfort when my narc dad wasn’t home. We would even have a blast with mom! When he showed up both my brothers left the house until dinner. My narc dad played pro football in the 50s. My oldest brother was the golden child. Winning trophies in little league, to diving competitions and a scholarship to college playing football. He moved from Va back to Kansas to attend college. Dropped out and got some land and grew pot. And my narc dad turned him into the new scapegoat! ( we all had our turns btw) Big brother left us way to soon he passed away at 51 years old. What a nice loyal guy he was! Very much missed!! An so Dern intelligent I miss conversations with him. Question is whose life does a nark not fuk up??
none
Yes my father always had to have a scapegoat esp in our teenage or adult years
“Horrifically triangulated”. No better words. Thank you for the validation.
In my family with a Narc father, my mother and my oldest sister are his main supply, enablers, and flying monkeys. My mom and sister have a unique bond in their willingness to be abused by him and excuse his behavior. For the rest of us establishing healthy boundaries or no-contact, we are definitely perceived as in the wrong or “too extreme.” It’s sad because in the grieving of a parent I should have had in the Narc, I also feel like I’ve lost them too.
Similar to my family. I’m sad with you in the grieving; it IS painful & sucks that your mother & sister unfortunately became “narc zombies”. It is so strange to grieve the loss when they’re still alive. You are NOT in the wrong, your feelings are valid. These things help me get through the days…I write daily in my gratitude journal (shifts my focus from my negative past to real positive stuff in front of me), I do things I enjoy (because we deserve joy), I found a good therapist (had to shop around though) & I consciously surround myself with kind & supportive people (we’re here). 💛
@@jrs2024 It sounds like we’ve been on very similar paths. I’m glad we’re both healing.
Your videos have helped me so much. From having an abusive narcissistic brother you’ve helped me see that it’s not me, but them and that in itself is unbelievably liberating. Thank you Dr Ramani <3
Yes I agree. Liberating! Still hurts, but I can shift quicker from feeling hopeless to happiness, creating joy for myself. 👍🏼 Narcs will exist til the end of time, so I’m kind of grateful for my narc “teacher” bringing narcissism to my attention, now recognizing the traits & when/how to protect my spirit.
LOVE YOU Dr Ramani
THANK YOU for Being YOU ♥️
This is the pattern with my mom I am breaking free from. I feel like she uses me as her therapist, support system, comforter and protector from issues with my dad and narcissistic family members. I honestly feel used abused and then betrayed a lot by her. It has been way too hard on me and cost me way too much. I now tell her maybe some professional support could help her because I can’t be her therapist anymore, but she won’t seek it, so I have to step away. She doesn’t like that I now keep boundaries and say no, and gets mad that she can’t control me. Makes me wonder if she is narcissistic too. Prioritizing my well being and individuation. I’m not responsible for her or the family. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
That’s been my journey as well. I tried for 2 years whilst going through the qorst time in my own life. All I needed was for her to step up just this once, to just understand where I’m coming from. Instead I got contempt disdain and a boat load of other stuff. I think my mother is covert. ✌
I hear you, thank you for sharing. Really, your share helps me alot to make changes.
Absolutely the right way to go..and it stings. But worse is being emotionally dragged along the ground. I could not take anymore.💚
My non narcissistic parent left the family when my brother and I were 9 and 10. She left us with the narcissistic parent. This was in the mid 60’s when very few people divorced. She had no high school diploma (married my dad at 18), had no money, and worked a minimum wage job. That’s how badly she wanted to get away from him. Needless to say, my brother and I had a messed up adult life. Abandoned and emotionally abused makes for a dysfunctional life. Neither of us ever married and my brother ended up a quadriplegic because he became an alcoholic and made really bad decisions. I’m 68 and finally healing from it all.
Well done for your healing journey! ❤❤❤ (my brother turned to drugs for a decade or two). We weren’t physically abused (didn’t need to be as we were terrified of my father) but definitely emotionally abused, particularly witnessing the cruel words & selfish behaviour inflicted on our mother. Thank goodness we can see things more clearly in our latter years! 🍀🍀🍀
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I feel seen in ways I had never been able to put into words. I was definitely the golden child of my non-narcissistic parent, but I was also basically an only child from age 12, so I filled multiple roles at different times for both parents. It wasn’t until decades later that I realized I didn’t really have a mom OR a dad. It’s so very messy. Thank you for validating my experience.
My entire family blamed me for not being ‘stronger’.
I just realized from this video the kind of warped reality my ex boyfriend is living in. He is the golden child for his non-narc mother, and the way you described him feeling like he has a duty to protect her is so real. Its the reason we aren’t together now because he feels such a strong duty to protecting his family from his dad. I still love him and it hurt so much when we ended things. I just hope he gets out of there someday and finds himself 😞
So sad. You are probably healthier being out of it though 🙁 ❤
you are my most credible source for dealing with narcissism, youre truly a savant at explaining this to me
Maybe in some families, enough separation from parents over time may help one to reassess which parent seemed more (inappropriately) demanding.
Omg I’m bawling… This is such a horrible unrecognized predicament I relate to and you just addressed it. I feel seen.. You have already saved me for the last two years from unaliving myself but now you’re getting to this core wound that I still couldn’t express 😢❤
Yes, I’m sorry, me too. A big chunk fell in just now. All of it applies and it explains how I’ve carried so much guilt in not being able to save my mom over all these years. She ended up retreating into herself at the end so lost was she. I felt so horrible for having to leave the family dynamic at age 29 when I started to see the harm that was happening to me for staying with them. It’s a sad thing to have to estrange from one’s own parent especially when I already felt that I was the cause of it all . take care 💖
The non-narcissistic parent – that’s me… I am nervous about what will I hear… thanks for addressing the issue of these children
Ditto.
Because each situation is so different. And no one ever pushes these men/women to go into a program they have a lot of enablers
This is so hard because there are so many low lives…I don’t even think it’s the families sometimes. It could start there but then all these crazy low lives are trying to come after your siblings and their weird wives. I have no idea. We need new ideas/solutions to all this chaos
I was the scapegoat. My Golden Child sister was the narc-in-training of my mother. My narc sister was terrible to my Dad (who was a non-narc). She did not value him at all. She mocked him and was completely disrespectful. I constantly stepped in and took his side. He became a broken man due to the abuse by his wife and my sister. I left home due to the abuse I was getting but I wish I had convinced him to leave that family, even if it meant he move in with me. I didn’t know what narcissism was yet, and poor Dad died before we had a label for it.
@@l.5832 my mom volunteered at the court house, domestic violence. I remember a time mom wanted to say something about my narc dad. But she kept quiet. Probably fearing she’d sound crazy! She passed in 2001 and I want to scream!! Mom they have a name for this now!! Mom I understand now!!!
I had one sister who was the narcissist’s golden child and the other sister was the non-narcissist’s golden child. After the narcissistic parent passed away, the non-narcissist’s golden child was trying to make us pity her as she believed we saw her as having disproportionate influence over the non-narcissistic parent. She felt that this was an burden for her professionally. It was really hard to take.
It feels very reassuring to first, hear you speak out loud the basic horrible hell that is my family. Also second, how not alone I truly am when I read all the comments of my fellow survivors of intricately complicated circumstances – but we’re all basically in the same boat in the end – victims of or survivors of abuse and childhood trauma. It doesn’t take it away but it does make more sense out of why it is the way it is AFTER the narc abuser stepdad has died and my “non-narc” mom still wants nothing to with me. I thought when the monster was gone, it would be okay. And it isn’t. Then we have my golden child half sister who totally is fitting into that role of taking care of our mom (mentally, not emotionally cuz she’s messed up too) but she definitely doesn’t hide her disdain for me (the scapegoat and problem child who our parents always either abused me (stepdad) or abandoned me for the other child and out of fear of the abusive husband stepdad (mom)). Wow. What a cluster. I can only keep growing inside and evolving and letting go of my stuff so that I can be whole. That’s all I can do. Thanks Dr Ramani and my fellow friends in the comments. ❤