The Good Faith Narcissism Trap
You showed up in good faith—ready to support, to understand, to carry more than your share while they “figured it out.” But the narcissist never did the work. No therapy, no ownership, no real change—just excuses wrapped in trauma and entitlement. This video is about what happens when good faith becomes a trap, and you’re the only one still trying.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
The narcissist is a TAKER and NOT a GIVER and STILL plays the victim!!!
Absolutely. Always the victim
@@diegobonaparte86 all their lives 😂
They are consumed by their own needs, their own wants and desires.
Thank God for people like you online, because you have helped me get thru and get out
Thank you to everyone who walks through hard issues with those of us who need holding up sometimes. Thank you because you help me through hard times, days, and life after being raised by a narcissistic parent. I need you. Sometimes it only takes one person to brighten my day, like a cashier who demonstrates patience or by simply being nice when I expect to be hurried along. I struggle and recognize those who recognize my struggle in small ways. Small ways are sometimes big ways.
❤❤❤
remember the classic “grandmothers” from the past? I had two giving, precious, hardworking grandmas. They were abused emotionally & physically the length of their marriages. they each died before my grandpas did. old school women like that were silenced, unless you count the one time one of my grandmas hit my grandpa with a cast iron skillet. society along with their desire to just be quiet & don’t say anything that would make the people NOT being abused “uncomfortable” is a major player in continued abuse. after 40 years, I said to my abuser, ” I’m NOT your grandma & I’m NOT my grandma, I’m tired of babysitting!” everything that Dr. Ramani said is true. these toddlers don’t care about their effect on their own children or anyone else. We should never be guilted or shamed into staying with a career abuser.
You’re right.
Yes, this is just another variation on the ‘failure to launch’ theme. You give up so much for the narcissist but somehow he/she never has to produce results.
Saved to my “NARC” Playlist folder.
Appreciate you Ramani 👊 ✌️.
😂 I too have a narc playlist
Sometimes even when there is acknowledgement, its not enough…
Acknowledgement only comes when you are about to walk out the door. It is given to keep,you there and it is not genuine.
Agree, narcissistic don’t seek any depth in therapy if they even go.
This so applies to so many relationships, not just narcissists. I have walked away from several including my 33 yr marriage for my own well being
Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani. I have been this support figure so often. When I am on my own or with people who are themselves supportive, I feel like I can open my wings wide and fly. I feel like myself. I feel free.
The timing of this video could not be more perfect. With the greatest level of sincerity, THANK YOU Dr. Ramani!
Many years ago I had a friend who I wouldn’t call a narcissist but who fit this pattern of difficult backstory. When I was in the hospital she visited me (and in fact was the only friend who did), so she knew of my struggles. But a year or so later she told me to shut up and that I had no right to an opinion because I hadn’t suffered. She was the only one who had; I was just some spoiled guy and it was my duty to be her verbal punching bag. Her backstory was difficult, but she couldn’t see anybody else’s.
Wow 😢
this is painfully timely for me. Thank You.
I woke up this morning, wondering how I can go on. My 96yo mom is in assisted living and refuses to allow the caregivers to shower and shampoo her. She only wants me to do it. I’m 73 and I have fibromyalgia. Pain is my constant struggle. I write the big check every month which includes this bathing service. I’m vulnerable to shame and guilt because this is how I was raised, by two narcissistic parents. I’m going to hold my ground on this one. My communal, narcissistic brother couldn’t wait to get mom to where I live, on the west coast, and he is on the east coast. Your video today was a godsend. Many thanks.
I feel for you. Please put yourself first and say no to your mother. She’s abused you long enough and you’re paying good money for her care. She’s acting like a toddler. Don’t feel guilty because you’ve done nothing wrong. Sending you a hug 🤗
🎯5:10 “How long can you bear up under this without support or commitment from the other person? And the other question is, how long can you bear up under this when there is no recognition of the reality and in fact there may be gaslighting around it?”
🎯11:46 “Instead we all have to rally around the entitled person who is often quite careless with their behavior, doesn’t account for other people, and expects the entire system to bend to their will. And yet, you can never complain. You have to bear all the burdens and take on more and more yourselves. And you may even be told or believe that this is love and this is the right thing to do.”
🎯14:09 “We often feel compassionately compelled to support them but at the same time the entitlement, the disregard for others, the pathologically selfish tunnel vision, and the manipulation that are part and parcel of these personality styles – can mean that people are caught in a perpetual dance of feeling beholden to supporting someone who is apparently struggling but who is taking not one single step to address this struggle and has no recognition of how anyone else is being affected by their behavior. This is the Catch 22 of the narcissistic relationship.”
8:02 “The problem is how they protect themselves is hurting other people and that is where we hit the impasse – that is what this whole field of narcissistic abuse is about.”
The lack of good faith on their part has led me to double down on my end of trying harder, being kinder, being more patient, being more validating – all of which just unknowingly kept me stuck in this perpetual cycle. This was before I started to learn and understand about narcissistic abuse. My prior programs, workshops, trainings, and learnings about CPTSD and developmental trauma barely touched upon the narcissistic abuse component if at all. It’s what binds, blends, and intertwines the physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse and neglect and in a very pervasive and systemic way.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for filling in this tremendous and essential piece of the puzzle that I did not know I was missing.
Oh dear God. Dr. Ramani, you have described my marriage, which I stayed in way too long because I was acting in good faith, and he was not.
Thank you for the clarity, and the validation.
Dr R, you are absolutely brilliant. This is one of your finest videos on a very subtle issue that not many people notice easily. May you have a blessed life for all the service you are rendering in the area of mental health and well being in general, and narcissism in particular
💯 % nailed this. Not my monkey, not my circus to manage someone else’s “fragility”.