The grief over LOSING SOMEONE to a narcissistic relationship
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
If you are in a Narcissistic relationship, do yourself a favor! GET OUT! I know you’re scared of leaving that person because you love them! Understand something, they absolutely do not love you. And all though it seems painful to lose them you will not regret it at all. In fact, you will wonder why you didn’t leave sooner! Love yourself and move on and find happiness again. Even if that means being on your own! 20 years with a Narcissist. Should have left sooner, but didn’t know who or what I was with until the last couple years after researching Narcissism! Trust what she is telling you!
I knew something was off, a year into the marriage. A decade later I found out that he could be borderline. Only post discard after 25 yrs together, did I find out about narcissism. Sam Vaknin is right, it feels like I was abandoned by everyone. I had no support from his family who knew about his psychiatric problems, nor my family who took full advantage of the fact that we were both people pleasers. I wish someone had helped me get out of this relationship earlier. I’m nearly 60, and I don’t see how I’m going to put the pieces of my life together.
@@ArchAngel435I hear you, I’m 68, 6 yrs post Narc, after 25 yr marriage.
It is possible.
It,s now time to EMPOWER yourself, find your true self once again.
Bring back the things that made you happy.
Don’t rush
Please Don’t go back.
Life does get Better, knowledge is power.
@@ArchAngel435 Instead of looking at all the scattered puzzle pieces at once and getting dizzy from the mountain of unorganized chaos in front of you…
Try building your puzzle piece by piece, start wherever is easiest to you.
After a while you’ll look at the whole and see how far you’ve come, which will feel amazing.
Before you know it, you’ll feel alive again.
Try it, step by step without looking at or thinking of how much hill is left.
It is never to late to start living. 💪
It’s ironic how people can be drawn to what harms them, like moths to a flame. Trying to encourage someone to find their true self is nice, but it’s tough when they’re caught in a toxic relationship that feels impossible to escape. But in the end, you really can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Loss is part of life, and sometimes you just have to watch them drift away into their own choices.
Wish I had this video two years ago! Please, don’t destroy yourself trying to fix someone in a narcisistic relationship. 🙏🏻
Just wait for the right moment…no reason to get there until the mask start slipping away..
Eight years then four years ago for me
The best lessons, are those we learn by ourselves.🙂
I agree.
In my opinion, they are the only ones we learn.
The narc may also find out and influence that person to stay away from you.
Gotta be subtle..
@CelyneSCI The narc will certainly do everything to remove you from the picture when they feel threatened by an outside influence.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for bringing this subject to light with so many different scenarios been in each one navigating through them has been enormously challenging. Thank you again.
Thank you. This is so timely. My adult daughter is in a financially, emotionally, and physically abusive relationship with a narcissist. He does everything in his power to paint me as the problem. So, my presence in her life is shifting. However painful, I am learning to listen more and affirm her observations without condemnation and just love her the best way I can. But the grief is overwhelming when I see the bruses and her spirit dwindling.
I totally get this
@@nancywilliams3923 it’s excruciatingly painful to watch our child be abused and be powerless to stop it
My relationship of 25 yrs wasn’t physically abusive, so I had no bruises to show. But how I wish I had someone like you to affirm my uncanny valley observations, to love me and support me. I had no one. When the discard finally happened, I had gone no contact with all of my family and his. Grieving my lost years and potential all alone. Trying to make sense of what has happened
That must be extremely hard…
Stay firm!
Have you called the police on your daughter’s abusive partner?
A very close friend/pastor/“family” member for 25 years found a man online and married him after 6 weeks of dating. Total narcissist and controller- he made her sell her car, quit her part-time job and close down the church. I saw right through him. And tried to help her. The triangulation was totally in his playbook. – I lost my friend to this evil wicked man. But, I can say after 2 years of hurt, pain and tears – and healing. I decided to move on and let them play the game without me. Now it’s been 4 years – and I am so much better off without her and the drama!!! I realize that she also had narcissistic tendencies. There is joy in the morning after the hurt and pain! You can move forward in hope and PEACE!
You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to change for the better and you’ll ruin your life trying.
Truth.
Yup. My mother blames and is jealous of me even though my father is a narc. How I worked out she is a vuln narc. Trying to be what she wanted and tEllington her she should divorce, she just held it against me. Never and gain. Now she moans about him! Tough.
Thank you for addressing that you can approach so carefully and still lose your adult child. You can see that they spend more and more time with her family, that he is pulling away. And then you’re told all the things you did or didn’t do and you realize that lies have been told behind your back for years. You’re not allowed to see your grandchildren. And it spreads so that both parents and all siblings, all in laws, all cousins are cut off. Your child is completely isolated and there’s nothing you can do. It is excruciating pain that will never go away.
Yes i know
@AnneG.315, Yes, I understand completely. It’s as though the person you have lost allowed themselves to be transported by an alien force. It can happen quickly if the person is emotionally needy. (Prince Harry comes to mind, as well as TWO of my siblings). I believe it’s so important for young people to be VERY careful who they become emotionally entangled with, and take the time to find out how that person will behave under various circumstances over time. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this excruciating pain. You’re not alone in it. 🙏🏼
This is my family situation exactly! Watching my adult children slowly being manipulated by my ex-wife’s family is heartbreaking and difficult to watch!
This video is very timely!
My path to healing in the last 6 months has brought me to this point.
My hope is that as I have found my way to understanding narcissism, so too will my children at some point in their lives!
This is huge for survivors of narcissistic abuse and how much we know but really can’t say. Thanks for shining a light on this facet of narcissism.
You are literally saving people’s lives with these videos. I need to see how I can schedule counseling with you
Losing someone you love to a narcisistic cult is an extremely painful to experience . Thank you 🙏 dr Ramani
My sibling, to a political cult
I was thinking the same thing.
nods
I left a friend group because of one toxic person. I said nothing. Years later I received a letter who recently discovered the same underhandedness!
They professed respect and admiration for my discreet decision. Validate yourself for seeing the worth of your own relationships. Being empathetic is the only way until they see it.
I was in a really abusive relationship for 3 years and my family knew although I tried to hide it.
My sister even came to my place of work and brought me flowers and a note giving me contacts for domestic violence.
It took me another year to leave that relationship and it was another 2 years before she and I really spoke.
We have a great relationship once again but those were some very bad years your abuser alienates you from everybody who loves you.
Right now we are a NATION in grief!
Yes. I’ve been aware of this too and especially at first, people looked at me like I had 2 heads when I mentioned it.
I wish I had seen this video a whole lot sooner but it was still really helpful. It allowed me to realize that every time I brought up a concern about my friends narcissistic partner/relationship, that I was just triggering their deepest wounds and that’s why they pushed me away so hard. We stayed in that push and pull cycle for about a year until I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I was being treated by my friend the same way they were being treated by their narcissistic partner and it was so messed up. Eventually I realized that I could not help this person if they were unwilling to help themselves. This person was also my mirror, and they showed me the worst parts of myself I never wanted to acknowledge, but they also showed me some great things about myself, and I’m going to be a better person for it. It just feels so disheartening that I learned a lesson and they weren’t able to and are now completely alone and isolated with this narcissist while I’m alone and isolated by myself. I definitely added my own dysfunctional elements to the relationship, but watching someone be eaten alive by a narcissist is horrifying and just plain sad. I truly hope this person gets the help they need one day when they’re ready to face reality. But I’m going to have to wish them the best from afar and not get myself involved in that dynamic again.
I’m so glad you posted this. My father got involved with a narc years ago – I found your videos helpful as I deal with the narc, by proxy. As the holidays are approaching, the narc is pulling strings and gaslighting. I realize: I don’t want to play the game anymore. I have effectively “lost” my father to this person. I realize I went through the stages of grief over this!
This happened with my brother. After seeing over 15 yrs of toxic behaviour from his wife, I felt I had to be honest and tell him she was manipulating him and lying about things. He freaked and turned on me. He believes her lies despite the whole family telling him it’s not true. It’s broken my heart to not have a relationship with him, I know he’s trauma bonded, but I have to protect my health. I wish him well and hope he figures it out one day. But it’s caused me too much stress so I can’t take it on anymore. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Thanks for watching!
My text line is divided into 3 sections;
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I need to clarify a few things and share some important details with you. I’ll be expecting your WA text.👍🏻👍🏻❤️
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** 🙂 Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.