The GRIEF you feel when you CAN’T HELP SOMEONE in a narcissistic relationship
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
It could be a sister who is getting beat and hospitalized but she keeps going back.
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So Sorry!! 😢
This resonates more than any other video. I had it within family with a brother for who I had been ready to fought Devil just to get him out. I also have it with friends who refuse to leave their toxic partner, because they’re putting up with them. I wish you made more from the perspective of helping hand, and how they can deal with this. To regain their sanity. I do feel seeing my loved ones in this situation impacts mental health.
I couldn’t agree more. Well said!
It’s hard when it’s your sibling and their kids stuck with the narcissist. 😢
Yep he’s a narcissist and his kid is now whacked out – my only nephew
That’s me
I can relate. I am experiencing the exact same thing with a sibling and their narcissistic partner. It’s awful to see the effect on them and my nephews. I over sacrificed myself to try to help them only to have it damage me and my life. I care but have to take care of me too. I keep the doors open to my nephews as best I can, they know I am here for them, and I am a positive loving influence when I am able to see them. But I do keep my boundaries for my health and safety. My sibling has been completely turned against me with lies from the narcissistic partner, and is now doing hurtful things to me too, it’s been awful, so I have to unfortunately keep my distance. It is difficult.
I’m in the same boat 💔 I felt so bad for my sister’s kids I way overextended myself and wound up homeless as a result! I really have to focus on myself now, but it breaks my heart they have to grow up with a parent who treats them the way she does.
Exactly, that is the exact situation with me.
My heart aches when I think of my nieces.
My sister (their mother) is the Flying Monkey/Enabler for our older, horrible Malignant Covert Narc Sister.
She’s allied with my enemy, (so I have to step back from her, which means my I’m missing my nieces growing up).
It’s painful and enraging at the same time.
You cannot help without knowledge.
Most victims are left alone without support, because most people in the world DO NOT UNDERSTAND what NPD is. 😓
I know someone who’s with a narcissist and it makes me ill because I went through it myself. You don’t have to be a fortune teller to know how it’s gonna to end.
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Very Well Said.
Or possibly how it’s not going to end and continue on and on… 🥲
I’m so glad that you’re OK. And my best wishes for your friend.
I feel grief not being able to help my adult Son, who has narc traits like his dad. He knows now he has a problem and is seeking therapy, but when he goes from 0 to 100 with his anger, it’s very frustrating especially in public because I’m trying my best as his mother to help him calm down but sometimes it’s just too late and I pray and fear for his safety with everyone carrying weapons now a days.
I have the same son. The suffering is tremendous.
I have the same daughter😢
I have the same son as well. I give up.
I feel greed and guilt for not being able to help. It bothers me but its up to them. Yet I still feel like its my fault I can’t fix things for them.
I’m going to replay this 10 more times.
Spot on. The narcissist benefits more than anybody by getting sucked in again. In my case there’s more than one too.
Wow! Theres stirs a LOT for me, my mom was high level NPD my sister and I put up with a lot, we are in our 60’s now, I see how her self esteem is still damaged, but if I approach it , I become the prob. My teen daughters with my ex, trying to deal with their mom, who tries to estrange then from me, but turns on the charm, with them, our family, and everyone in our community, to hide who she REALLY is; I’m happy with my life, I’m happy to be away from my ex, but watching my daughters as they struggle into their womanhood, and my sister who still struggles with hers, the pain and grief are daily burdens; I’m so thankful for this community!
As I am healing, I am realizing that I cannot have a state-of-the-art alarm system and then leave the doors and windows wide open for intruders. Although practicing healthy boundaries and having discernment is bittersweet for me, I am learning that the alternative is much more painful to the soul.
Thank you! You just described 3 years of my life! I could only walk away from my trauma-bonded friend away after I did everything in my power to help (and failed) and even then there was grief and guilt.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped or leave the abusive environment. And it’s heartbreaking to witness.
You also can’t and won’t help someone who DID leave the abusive environment.
You would have to stay with her and the children all night, every night, so you can help can fight off Narky when he breaks into her home to PUNISH her for daring to leave him.
I’m sorry to say it…but I’m not going to. I’m not qualified to defend or fight off anyone my size or bigger.
It’s the family members who are “victims” of this abuse whom you want to save, that DEFEND the narcissist all the way, DARE you try to initiate some type of intervention or to question the narcs behaviour towards them, that perplex me. My sisters, “fiance” of and after 30 years is the text book type of narc and she NEVER, if ever complains about him to anyone. She has definitely been threatened by him I feel. Who after 30 years of TOXIC relationships NOT even vent on a bad day about their “captor”?? THAT ain’t normal.. It hurts to watch.
My work at the moment is detaching from a friend who is well aware that her husband is a Covert Narc. She’s even read ‘It’s not you’ and seen a therapist for months. And has reunited with him. It’s tough to witness. After 60 years of narcissistic abuse I do begrudge having to continue the work. And loss of a friend to whom I opened up.
This is 💯 what I have experienced, and it’s severely damaged me and my life. Not worth the risk to myself anymore. Taking myself back and prioritizing my health. ❤ Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I made a promise to myself never again to tolerate narcissistic abuse. This one thing changed my life completely.
It’s a terrible grief. There’s SO MANY children trapped in Narcissistic families. There are SO MANY adult children, who have gotten free, but now they have to try to make up for the time when no one helped them grow up PLUS trying to make a living in the adult world.
And there are so many adults trapped in ADULT:ADULT relationships who can’t escape…because the Narky know no boundaries, and tracks their every step even worse, after the target “leaves” the Narky.
Sometimes it makes me sick, how much the laws and codes and culture enable the Narcissists. Enables them, and encourages them to commit their crimes against decent humans and humanity; and to become more and more outrageous and flagrant.
It’s painful when they’re children.
My dear, sweet nieces, I pray for them everyday.
The beauty of having two narcissistic parents who would pitch your sibling against you is that you have nobody you want to save you just want them to instantly die.