The “healed” narcissist
What happens when a narcissist claims they’ve changed—but never acknowledges the people they damaged along the way? This video explores the rise of the so-called “healed narcissist,” and why personal growth without accountability still leaves a trail of harm behind.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
When I saw the title I laughed out loud!
Thank YOU for this amazing video. Having worked for at least 1 narcissistic boss, I saw first hand how a company (a nonprofit) supported the narcissistic boss. They had no care for/about anyone affected by this person. As you said, “the people are disposable.” Does the world want innovation at the expense of empathy? Many times the answer to that sadly 😢 is: yes.
People let the narcissist off the hook completely when they show the tiniest bit of reflection. It’s infuriating.
The worst is when they learn this gives them not only a pass to all their behavior, but in some circles a lot of accolades, so they learn how to sound really self reflective or falsely humble. This is my ex and it’s soul crushing, especially since you end up the one assassinated for not accepting and “forgiving” and forgetting all their toxic abusive behavior.
exactly! People are so gullible, that is why these pathological personalities can so easily get away with their BS!
Right. The narcissist doing basic human decency is overvalued. Meanwhile, the narcissist’s target must keep giving out constant supply that is always undervalued.
Did this once and instantly regretted it
@csfiskus610 same. So. Many. Times, till I realized who they are doesn’t change, just their tactics.
Abusive spouses do the same thing! They may pretend to be better but deep down they have so much contempt because they really feel they should be allowed to do as they please.
Dr. Ramani you are an example of innovation that is not toxic. I appreciate you!
When I see/hear Dr. Ramani speak it feels like being wrapped in a hug by a friend who makes you feel safe/seen. What a beautiful, emotionally intelligent woman. Thank you for making this world a better place 🤍🕊️
A truly talented and good boss doesn’t have to resort to narcissistic behavior to get good production out of his workers. That’s what so ridiculous about a narcissist. You can get a better production by being nice to someone than what you get by being abusive. A free soul works better than one that’s enslavedbecause they’re doing their work with a happy heart and giving their best because they respect the boss and his goodness so much it’s very much like the relationship we have with the Lord.
I completely agree.
Good point.
I have experienced this in workplaces with being bullied by narcissistic bosses and it’s really damaged my life and my mental health. I am concerned it may be happening again in my current workplace. It’s hard to know who to trust, in work and relationships, so focusing on my well being and work as best I can while exploring other options. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The few seconds of delayed intro were greatly appreciated. Wish it occurred more often. Thanks, Dr. Ramani.
Yes, one of hidden dynamics of narcissistic abuse, in many cases, is elimination of competition, powerstruggle for resources: money, position, fame, etc. Abuse is used in selection process, for access to resouces. Thereafter, after the abuser monopolizes the resources, stuffs his/her coffers with $$$, the abuser changes his rhetoric and starts to become “selfaware”, starts talking about “psychotherapy”, needs fir “change”, and “selfawareness”, and other nonsense… Talk is cheap, everybody can, an many people have gift of the jab, but, if one needs to follow how the money and other resouces change hands.
Today, there are more covert Narcs . Also, they hold positions where they can pass their behavior, as acceptable to a certain point, like in Security. Yes, historically, people were mistreated — paying the price for the growth of industry and Innovation etc. Interesting discussion. Thank you
These people who can be good at their jobs but are so arrogant they can’t stand that they have to follow rules and usually they end up imploding their own careers in the end.
I recently dumped a narcissistic “best friend”. Your videos have helped me get much better at weeding these people out earlier and earlier. I am an extremely empathetic person and seems to attract these people constantly. It’s has been the biggest struggle in my life since I was a child.
@@nikkiviolanti4477 The same here: since I became aware of a wide range of psychological manipulations one can be exposed to, analysed my past and present life experiences, I had to cut all bunch of people, cso called “friends”, set, and re-set, enforced, and reinforced boundaries. I did a general cleanup of my soul, and spotted weaknesses, as well. Now, I live in peace with myself and with others. Dr. Ramani, Dr. C,, Dr. Phill. and other psychologists, whose programs, I have followed,for years deserve a huge credi for this lifechaging, liberating journey! Bible says that one person can have only TWO friends…
I wish I could share this with people who need to know. Shocks me what people do to others that ruins a career that is so hard to achieve!
The narcissist in my life was a friend, not any kind of boss or business associate. But she has attempted to make those very broad, vague, basically saving face apologies to me. They pretty much all consist of I’m sorry that I hurt you. Well great, anyone can say that. So whenever she’s done it I asked her to break it down. I asked her to tell me what exactly she thinks she did. It’s like trying to pull teeth. She literally has no idea what she did. Even though I have told her. I basically told her if she ever does make a genuine apology to me one day I will absolutely be willing to forgive, not to reestablish the relationship but to forgive. But I said all of the apologies thus far have been pretty disingenuous. I told her I don’t know how to describe to you what true remorse looks like, but I know it when I see it. It’s different when you’re teaching a child. A very small child doesn’t know how to make an adequate apology or why they need to do it, so you teach them. But how in the world do you teach that to an adult? I don’t know, but what I do know is with this friend in particular, teaching her how to apologize adequately is not my job.
Some people are hopeless. They crossed the point of no return. Like Gollum in the Lord of the Rings. There is little hope for him- said Gandalf.
@ it’s true. I think in order for someone to have hope they actually have to want to change in someway. Even if they don’t want to change everything about themselves, if there is something that they’re doing that they truly want to change and they are willing to put in as much time and effort as is required for that to happen, there’s hope. but when someone either just doesn’t want to, doesn’t think that there is a problem with them, or even if they kind of sort of want to but there are other things they would rather be doing, yeah, that’s when I think they are hopeless. They’re completely lost to the side of evil.
My boss, the production manager ,told our safety officer to “go find something else to do”, when he pointed out something that was not in compliance. Disdain for the rules much? Mostly, he just feels superior to that individual, and resents having to consider anyone else’s authority in the chain of command.
After being on a journey of awakening from a lifelong trauma trance and realizing my issues stemmed from childhood (parental) ab*se, I started arming myself by watching your videos and getting a handle on what narcissism is AND isn’t. And then, THIS video…
Am I the only person who jumped on this video because I’m STILL trying to be really, really, really, REALLY sure, AGAIN, that *I’m* not the ‘problem’, I’m not the Narcissist?? I’m always relieved when I don’t identify with those traits – and I’m looking forward to the day when I can stop questioning myself and squash the voice in my head that sounds just like that blaming, shaming parent!!
He says, “I can live with it.” I hope that’s different than saying, “I have to live with it, but I regret it.” Because none of us are saints who always do the right thing. I know I feel that second one very often. I can’t undo the wrongs so I have to move forward. But I WOULD undo them, unsay them, unthink them if I only could. :/
They will use this to their advantage to twist reality and will not hesitate to oppress the scapegoat even more. These self reflections is another outlet to praise themselves
I get that this is focused on workplace narcissism, but you’ve put into words a lot of my observations watching the man who would be my sibling. He went to court ordered therapy and came out saying “I learned enough to earn a degree.” He calls himself fixed, yet all the patterns are still the same.