The hidden cost of being raised by a narcissist
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Iām here for this, my father hated me being I was the only family member that stood up for the rest of the family from his evil ways.
These evil twisted narc.always trying to silence, boycott and destroy truth tellers
Me to! I definitely Understand !!!
Yeah I finally stood up in my early 50s Anxiety Disabilities due to nark abuse. My inheritance and whatās left of my family was all smeared by the nark. Btw I was standing up for my granddaughter. All I said is your emotionally abusing her- and there was world war against me. Insane!!
Me too except it was my mother
I am not a target…I am a freaking magnet..
That would be funny if it wasnāt so true. I am also a magnet to narcissists.
@@mariehughey5390you gotta laugh anyway me too an exhausted laugh here pffft
Iām wondering if we feel like magnets because thereās just so many people showing narcissistic behavior now. We went from the āme generationā to the āselfie generationā to a ānarcissist and proud of itā society
š¢ as someone who was this way too, one way I got better was just to learn how to grey rock the world and then stop trying for the most part. You can learn to unlearn some behaviors that give you away, but you have to learn to deal with the initial fear that gets you acting that way.
I did joke with a superior that if we wanted to find out the predators in the organisation to just stick me in a room of colleagues and see which ones initiate contact then investigate them š
It’s sad because it’s true š
Mind you, I did get approached – with all smiles and friendliness – by this one bloke and it made me instantly dislike him.
He knew that his daughter HATED me with a passion, and still he decides to come up to me in that oh so friendly manner in front of said daughter. Oh, hell, no. Most disrespectful thing a father could do IMHO
Our vulnerability should be HONORED. NOT taken advantage of.
Are you serious?! Honor vulnerability? The norms of the social order mandate that vulnerability is punished. Thus, narcissistic abuse is endemic to society.
I couldn’t have said it better myself…ā¤’ed! I am learning to try and give that to me (whatever it looks like) because it Should be Honored!!
separate from the contaminated, and it is
Narcissists can not be a lamb when they are a wolf. They can not be other than what they are.
The essence of Narcissism in a sentence.
They just don’t care. Finally they may end up with no one to care for them.
And the āgolden childā sure isnāt going to step up!
they do end up miserable and often alone cuz karma is real š
Me. Was not being cook, seamstress, housekeeper. Me is an artist, painter, arts person. Soooooo different. What a journey!
Awh. My favorite therapist. Thank You. Peace āļøā¤ Respect.
“Fall in line” and follow their narratives (even lies) were parental expectations. If not, scapegoated or frozen out. Also plays out in workplace.
true!
Definitely plays out in the workplace and in education
Having two narcissistic parents and one older narcissistis sibling has affected every single relationship in my life, whether it be intimate, work based or friendship. For as children we are groomed to be everything our parents wish us to be to survive. Thus in adulthood we are drawn to other figures that use us like that – see people pleasing and co-dependency. Until we learn, through horrible abuse and subsequent misery that it’s not a way to live, then go and get psychotherapy and find your videos.
@riotgrrrl, As you point out, as children we are groomed to be everything our parents wish us to be. In my case, though, it wasn’t about how to be to survive, but how my behavior reflected on them as parents. I was supposed to be that really NICE little girl in the neighborhood. My mother’s favorite phrase was, “Don’t rock the boat.” It was important to her that I be “popular.” Ask what others think and want you to be, and then do that, was the overwhelming message, so that you would be liked.
I was raised by a narc mom. Her behaviors groomed me to be a people pleaser that seeks the approval of others. I also learned how to disappear in a room full of people. Or maybe all of the above….smh
I grew up with a narcissistic mother who was physically and emotionally abusive and an absent father. I married young. Long story short, two marriages down the line I realise husband number one was a covert narcissist and number two was a grandiose. I thought they were very different people. At age 55 I can now see the patterns. I left husband number two. Confronting these issues has been the hardest, most painful thing I’ve ever done. It’s felt like putting the brakes on in a garbage truck, I’ve been hit with a lot of stinking stuff from the past but I’m getting through it. Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me see it, walk away from it and slowly heal from it.
Any time you feel bad just think of all the people that are still stuck in these relationships or for various reasons cannot get out.
I know exactly what you are saying. I have been having bouts of hypertension. I know it is from the stress of facing the truth. It is really painful to realize how I went around saying “Do you like me?” to even strangers all my life. Doubting myself. The best way of describing it is if I said the sky was blue and you said no, it is green, you could never get me to agree with you but I would spend a hell of a lot of time thinking about it.
ā@@saravw1 My heart goes out to them.
There was no way we could of known how the patterns would effect us..but now we do..forgive yourself for marrying narcsā¦we had no map thenā¦and yes most of the garbage from the past is projections from the narcs and the grief of losing oneself..but now we can walk away free because its not you
My mother is a perfect example of someone that should never have had children, but here I am. I will be 48 this year and have outlived both of my siblings. I have never been able to stand up to her, but I am a better person than I was 20 years ago, and I tell my children every single day that I love them. She may tell me that she has 3 dead kids, but I am very much still alive and kicking.
Living with borderline disorder, I have learned that I am extremely vulnerable to narcissists.
“When you grow up in a narcissistic family, love means the abandonment of the self” : Exactly ! Thank you so much !
2 years ago the comment section here helped me as much as Dr Ramani š I love this community
YES!!!!! im so happy, the internet has helped me heal so much and make lots of progress as well, go us!!!!! š
I am so grateful that we can finally discuss this, and there is support for many of us who have been working to heal beyond these patterns of self erasure. I am 46 and am finally having the breakthroughs, thanks to my therapies, to understand why I made such painful choices, and how reasonable people actually behave, and how unreasonable I was to myself and others because of that rigid, controlling, fear based ways of being with others to feel safe. It’s finally a shift for many of us to find our liberation from this situations and internalized abuse patterns. I am grateful I chose to live, over and over again, to see this finally be anchored into this reality. We all deserve the breakthroughs to free ourselves and learn new ways to trust, small ways to begin. I am wishing all the clarity and support for us, as survivors, into living our own lives more authentically. šš
I found somebodyās discarded diary from 1982 and in it describes a very toxic maternal relationship. Even as an adult, the diary, writer wanted to find their way out of such difficulty. When I.contacted who I thought was the original writerof the diary, I learned she had died – at a fairly young age from cancer.-The antagonistic mother was still alive (is whom I spoke with)
It was a lesson; These families will kill us and not care and then throw our private thoughts out on the street.
It is incredibly difficult being raised by a family who cares not an iota about you. But it is wonderful finding spaces like these where we can find answers and support.
@@microdosenyc4515 the family will often use a death they inadvertently caused as an excuse, too. They’ll lean into social norms and roles for external witnesses. Typically either as a cover for their own bad behavior or for attention and additional resources. I’ve seen this happen with multiple suicides, sickly enough. š®āšØ
When the surviving spouses were not actively performing, they moved throughout the week following the loss with a distinct sense of feeling indignant. Almost as if their upset was over the altered schedule and additional work, and not the loss of their SO. None of them would ever admit to that openly, of course, but they would indirectly complain.
That’s really interesting. I found some family dynamics of alpha selfish person outliving their relatives and spouse when I was doing aged care in community. It plays out on racial levels in demographics too. I used to look at the lovely prolonged lives of these white , deeply racist, self important people and realised their self preservation secret was getting everybody else to do the work for them and take the burdens away.
My narc mother conditioned me to never say NO to people. Saying NO meant I was selfish and lazy. Finally at 60, I told her NO.
Yeah, in real life we get gaslighted even by therapist when we call those who abused us – narcissists. Cause how could I, “a person with no training in psychology know a narcissist when I see one”š that’s what keeps me from going to therapy, to be honest. I’m tired of trying to prove I was abused and I’m tired of people being on the abusers’ side
This resonates strongly. I’m in my thirties and still learning to understand and express my feelings because my mother had no interest in them. Or at least they were a very distant second to her feelings.
thank you so much dr. ramani for pinpointing the role of society in making us think that we need to maintain a relationship regardless of how unhealthy it is, as well as the importance of trusting our intuition as a way to shield ourselves from the assholes in the world ā¤ā¤ā¤