The hidden cost of keeping the peace with a narcissist
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
In the middle of this hell right now. It is like hell in the mind because of the conflict of empathy, self-deprecating, and depression. It is like being caught in a web.
Only if you let it!!!! The only person responsible for your situation is you!!!
@@TheTreeOctopusOk, calm your pants, Mr. Octopus. It is not that easy and it is understandable. Living with a narcissistic family is already hell. People here need support, not yelling or something like that.
Me too 😢
@@TheTreeOctopusand here is a narcissist gaslighting a victim 😡
I understand your pain. I am in the same spot. Depression alone can be really tough and when you add a narcissistic abuse in calculation, it is very hard. But know this, you are not alone and you can do this. Give yourself time and kindness, it will eventually work out. Nothing lasts forever. Hope I help you a lil bit. Sending you love❤
Keeping the peace with a narcissist may save you from arguments or problems initially. But with time, they will begin to see you as a pushover. As someone they can walk all over. You have to be firm with narcissists. You can’t keep the peace with them. They don’t want peace.
To be authentic to yourself is necessary to get your life back.
True
No they don’t want peace. They thrive off of confrontation and arguing etc. Sometimes during these times of chaos, I would look at them ranting and they would start something and complain I was playing a game. Because I chose not to join in on the argument. I began to look at them as if they in essence weren’t even arguing w me at all. It was as if they were arguing with the persons from the past who caused their pain. They were beyond my ability to help nor did I want to.
They LIVE for and through the chaotic atmosphere gaslighting brings
@@SwiddulleeOh my gosh! This is the first time I’ve heard anyone articulate that feeling that they’re fighting with someone else entirely
Whatever you do it’s a waste of time and effort. Keep them out of your mind to keep the peace.
Yes, but therein lies a problem. Not thinking about them is not dealing if you fall into another trap. It has to be dealt with to move forward.
@@Summer_Harvest
Good luck with that I’m in a vicious circle.
@Ratgirl2 At this point I am going back to me, no backsliding now. I’ve gained enough ground in therapy in just having validation to return to where I was when we started.
When we started I was getting my bachelor’s, divorced, had a daughter, had a goal. I was very beaten down in spirit but I was becoming a survivor. Seeing myself in a situation again from someone who made me feel whole and then to be beaten down again in spirit. No, I have determination to stand up, call out the lies, and not play the game.
I get not everyone can do it, but I have to. Nobody has my back but me!
Love you, Dr. Ramani✋❤️🧚🙋🏼♀️☕️☀️Thank you forever for your work on this incidious subject. Unfortunately, narcissistic people will always be w/us. The thing is, how we, empaths, and Pollyanna people how to be aware, and navigate around these people. We must trust ourselves, and our own God-given protection mechanisms, and we must not ignore them. Self love❣️ 🧚🤝
I’m currently the truth sayer in a friend group with a narc. After 40 odd years of covert narcissistic abuse, ain’t no way I’m spending my leisure time with another one of these asshats.
Big same
On a hoa with one. It’s yuck.
My beloved, lovely, highly empathetic mother tried to do it for many years but unfortunately it costed her health and life😓😓 She fought many illnesses like asthma, hyper tension and rheumatoid arthritis. Her immune system collapsed and finally her sensitive heart and body couldn’t stand up anymore😓😓😓
Who ever said “It doesn’t cost anything to be kind”, was never involved with a narcissist.
Thats a sad fact. I no longer trust people or believe in man’s good nature. The worst ones are the best liars and most charismatic. By the time you find out who they are it’s too late.
… either that or they never experienced true kindness !😄
You nailed it!
True kindness comes from within. Only narcissists think transactional.
So true!
I realize so much more over the past years than when I was in it, since I didn’t even know about any of this way back then. Thankfully, I am out of those relationships except for the connection I have with my ex hubby since he and I have 3 kids together.
It’s my duty as a Mom to teach my kids in a healthy way to understand the behavior they see in their father is not healthy and please don’t pick it up. I have to do this in a way to not bash him , just don’t pick up those traits. They have witnessed it and it makes them confused on why he does that.
I deeply appreciate Dr. Ramani and all the podcasts which she shares all different angles of folks with narcissistic behaviors. Learned so much.
Going forward, I would love to have no connection with my ex hubby. However, that’s impossible due to the kids. Minimal contact is key.
In the end, it wasn’t Me. ❤❤❤
I am loving my new chapters!! ❤❤❤
Tread carefully when talking to kids about their Narc parent. I tried to step in and teach my 8 year old granddaughter how to make sense of her mother’s raging at her in public for suggesting her mother needed to go to the gym. It backfired because she shared what I had said with her mom, and then I got raged at and thrown out of their house for lying about her to her daughter.
Sometimes it’s unavoidable, when you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war within yourself.
It all depends on the type of battle you choose to fight back with. One you can gravel and loose self respect and be humiliated. 2 you can stand up for yourself fight back using existing laws and regulations. Then be prepared for the retaliation and creative lies. I like the offensive move my self.
Facts
💯❤️
Children have it the worst. Their very survival depends on keeping the peace with a Narc Parent. We are trained to gaslight ourselves from a very early age, and it changes the person you could have been. 💔
Thank you for posting. 6 weeks since I left.
It’s walking on egg-shells, constantly predicting in your head how something will go with the narc, it’s feelings of Dread when you are near them or the home.
Sounds like PTSD….
Exactly how I feel. I get that sense of dread every time I come home and/or walk down the hall to my room and hear the squatters’ wicked, angry plotting as I pass my guestroom.
Not worth it.
Too much damage done.
I blocked cell/ email. No more abusive / hateful responses/attacks lies or misrepresented comments. Still hurts but your videos give me insight to them ( i never knew such calculating behavior existed. Boy, where have i been) and to me. Thank you.
I lost almost 5 decades of my life due to this battle or game with my narc mother and that entire sick family unit. I took my power back on 11/14/2024. I packed my bags, took my daughter and dog and walked away in silence with my head held high! I may have lost every single battle but I won the freaking war! 💯❤️✌️🙏💪🌹
So well put. I withdraw. No more sharing feelings, thoughts, opinions, preferences, hurts, joys, anything. My vernacular has one word… mhm. That’s it. If I express anything personal she shoots it down with smug snobbish faces & eye-rolling, argues against my opinions n ideas, rewords / restates MY thoughts, devalues, invalidates, mocks, ignores, talks over, on n on. It seems her goal is to erase me and prove to me I have no worth at all, like I’m a waste of space. And yet being an empath, I naturally offer support, love, care, concern, interest…. but none comes back to me. She’s gotten worse as she’s aged too. I’m 66, she’s 71. I keep my distance to stay safe. ❤
Every1 that comments on these Types of vids is prolly an Empathy self doubting at somepoint if not what feels like the entire life
This right here describes my daughter and I.
Thank god for you!!! Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! Sanity!!!❤👍
I liked when you contrasted how healthy people respond to your stated needs, because I forget what that sounds like. I’ve been in so many toxic relationships that denied my needs that I don’t even have room inside for my own needs to exist. I don’t even have language for expressing a need w/o also hearing the inner critic telling me, “That’s selfish.” Even my church has told me I’m being too self-absorbed and just “need” to die to myself when I ask for prayer and help getting the Christian squatters to stop abusing me and leave my house.
Chaotic people love chaos. Choose not to feed into it. You are worth more than their insecurities and battles within. ❤ Hope everyone’s healing.
Thanks again Dr. Ramani for your help. It reminded me again, that I already did so much and couldn’t probably do more without collapse.
I appreciated this video so much. Saying “What can you do for your part?” to someone in this type of situation is like saying “Why don’t you try twisting a little?” to a bag of pretzels. That was a real moment of clarity.