The lasting emotional damage caused by narcissistic parents
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Over the years, you have educated me. I’ve been able to navigate life much more informed and eyes wide open you’d say. Bless you.
Kids should never have to put their own needs aside, just to make their parents happy. They are not tools to fix their parents feelings.
Absolutely
Couldn’t agree with you more …..
Then you throw in the sibling so you got to deal with three. Thank God I’m still standing
I was an only child of two narcissistic parents (dad was a grandiose and mom was a covert). I played all the roles and was thrown into them randomly and without warning.
They rule the world. We live in a time and society when narscissistic personalities and psychopaths are given the world; they are held up as heroes and children are taught to emulate them, while goodness and empathy are punished and considered deviant. The people that our ancient ancestors used to push out of the village are now in charge of all the money and nuclear weapons.
I hate to say it, but I totally agree with that. I don’t know how old you are but I am 71 and I can remember a time when that was not true (at least from a child’s perspective). People had self awareness. While I was always an outsider because of all the secrets I carried, it was still comforting to go into a world that seemed sane even if I was only an observer.
Yep due to empathy no doubt!
This really sums it up and I find it scary. Watching it happen in real time.
They will turn their children into indentured servants while verbally and physically abusing them. It’s a horrible existence that continues down through the family unit. I was the scapegoat throughout my whole life and now that I said that I don’t want to care for others, that I finally want to put myself first, I’ve become non-existent in the so called “family dynamic”
Our mom abused all 3 of just as much. No one was a favorite, maybe at some times our brother was favored. He’s the weakest and most damaged of us all 3 siblings. She was a drunk, she beat us, she yelled at us constantly. We were so afraid. It was bad. I’m the youngest, she treated me like her servant. She was very mentally ill. She completely ruined all 3 of us. She used me also as her therapist, she would unload all of her worries on me. “How am I going to pay this bill” etc. I was carrying so many burdens as a child. She put the responsibility of raising us on our big sister. She became a narcissist too. My brother is very dangerous. He is the biggest narcissist in the family. I’m terrified of him. My mom was too.
Definitely never felt seen.as a child. It’s was a survivor role . Get in where you fit in now finally finding my true self.
Being exploited by our parents is unbelievably devastating. I thought I was alone in the confusion of being so many things over the years – for my parents. It’s horrible to reflect on the impact it all had on my relationship with my siblings. The expectations changed depending on which parent’s home I was in, being in public vs. the home, and over the years as I experienced the grief, shame, and loss of it all, being lost by it all, and as my personality changed. I was the golden child + over-achiever + handmade –> scapegoat –> truth teller –> scapegoat –> invisible.
You’ve given me a lot of help dealing with the mind-f*** the narcs in my life did/do to me. Thank you.
“…If you came from a narcissistic family of origin, you existed in a singular capacity…you became an optimal narcissistic supply delivery device…” You nailed it, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for acknowledging the complex and devastating impact this has on us throughout our lives. We’re hard on ourselves and forget where we came from and what we went through as children. I was sad all the time. I had happy moments, but overall, I was just sad. Oftentimes, my teachers bothered to notice and tell me I should smile more, “You look prettier when you smile.” That just really solidified the reality of it, one from which I sought escape. I always had a book to read, often supplied by my malignant narcissist father, as if to intentionally isolate me by having me engaged in activities that kept me occupied in a world of my own. Not building the relationships that might take me away from being as easily exploited by him.
Thanks Dr Ramani for helping me understand the pervasive undercurrent of fear and dread that haunted me until i was in my late 40’s. At 50 i have finally begun to find peace in the pit of my gut, thanks to your kind, patient explanations of my reality. Mum was a cruel, manipulative malignant narcissist with anti social personality disorder. I was fifth of her eight children and now understand the damaged personalities of myself and my siblings. I understand to my very core the unending torment of having been raised without love, compassion, honesty or warmth. My heart aches for the ongoing damage in the lives of my six brothers as they navigated lives believing women were somehow ‘out to get them’ due to her influence. Ive been single for 20 years, having preferred to completely avoid any more conflict in my home. Until i found your channel i thought i was bad or wrong – now i understand i was just drawn to the familiarity of narcissistic men and somehow believed that i really was stupid, lazy, boring, ugly blah blah blah … i finally see the horizon without the dark clouds and its beautiful and peaceful and reassuring. Cheers from Australia
You brought tears to my eyes .. I feel you
Next time you see a homeless person, consider what kind of parents they had.
Neglectful Narcissistic Parents need to be held accountable for the Devastating Damage they cause! They are all guilty of Gaslighting which is now a Criminal Offence in Ireland 🇮🇪 ❤❤ Great Video ❤❤ Thank you Dr Ramani
Wouldn’t that depend on the age of the homeless person?
‘Sorry’ but without any context or personal experience given, one-liners like this show to me, too much black&white thinking. Because in my opinion, you could be a narcissist easily, who ‘educated’ him/herself on channels like this …. I apologize If I’am wrong ….
The first 2 minutes took my breath away. The layers of roles, changing with maturity ~ Indeed 😮
Dr Ramini you are our “Mother Teresa” 🙏🙏🙏
I’m blown away how easily I am still triggered. I know some wounds will never heal. My abuse started before I even turned two. I was the truth teller who was required to be invisible. Later in life being trauma bonded until the narc died I was the scapegoat. In my early 50s I wanted to know wtf is wrong with me. Everything was about my father to the point of me taking on his paranoia. My paranoia died when he died.
Anyway I met a lady almost 90 told me a whole narc story. First narc encounter she ever had! Wow- the whole jest a caretaker for her husband befriended her tried to make the husband look bad and her incompetent. Thank goodness a doctor stepped in and up! This lady had no idea these narcissists even exist. ❤ bless her
Wow, multiple roles shifting over time. No wonder I was confused & depressed. Thank you for this perspective! Went from “golden child fixer” to “truth teller” that’s gone no contact 😅!Freedom at last!
Same here my love 💖 sending you blessings
I’m 45 and feel like I wasted so much of my life because of narcissistic family abuse, and it haunts me every day.
Double nightmare of two n parents here. Dr. R has succinctly described my entire life up until now with such precision and clarity and decades of emotional, verbal, and financial abuse.
Thank you Dr Ramani for validating the experience of us, child-survivors.