The lifelong impact of narcissistic fathers on daughters
Did your father make you feel small, unsafe, or like you were never enough? This video explores the lasting impact of growing up with a narcissistic father – and how those early dynamics can shape your self-worth, relationships, and identity for life.
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Doctor ramani you opened my eyes so wide.thank you
This is the topic that goes overlooked! Thanks Doctor Ramani! Have a great day everyone🫶🏻
Thank you, for addressing this, Dr. Ramani! It feels like there are so many discussions about narcissistic mothers and not so much about narcissistic fathers. I am a daughter of a narcissistic father. And, I was the scapegoat! The damage is real and as real as the damage from a narcissistic mother.
Hello my sister in experience, from a fellow scapegoated daughter of an evil father.
Another former scapegoat of the FSA experience. Four plus years no contact ~ after you process the trauma, soothe and reparent your inner child, healing and inner peace are attainable.
Same here! My father is a narcissist, my mom is an enabler and the two of my brothers are too brainwashed to realize.
@@CrazyEightyEightsamazing to hear 😢❤
@@Aliaselias727 my mom also my two brothers only one was Brainwashed the other became a rebel .
I was more wired to be an adult as a child then I am as an adult.
I agree completely.
Yeah exactly. I’ve started regressing
We just have to look at this way ….we are very old souls I’m exhausted from it though
@@mac-ju5ot 😅. It’s a thing I constantly struggle with I’m always tired.
@@sophie.1. I do that quite a bit. I try to catch myself now but it’s hard to do.
I had an overt narc father and a “dead” mother. Absolute nightmare. They treated me like an enemy, not their child.
Screw them !
Live your own life on your own terms ❤
Well said! Me 2 treated like an enemy my entire life. I’m 7 months in to no contact and am mind blown by how much things are normalized week over week it’s🤯🤯🤯🤯 I CANNOT understand this behavior even with a clinical understanding.?
Both of my parents are narcissists – Dad is malignant, mom is covert. Mom passed away, and thankfully my father discarded me. Only good thing he ever did…
That’s super common.
Same then a toxic stepfather
Lucky for me! After my golden child brother went off the deep end, Dad tried to make me the new golden child. Didn’t work, so I thankfully got discarded. @@harmonyvaneaton4101
@@sophie.1I’m so sorry. My mom had an affair for 15 or 20 years with a super toxic dude, jury’s out on whether he was a narcissist or not. So I got them both at the same time. 🤦 We survived though!
I was married to a daughter of a narcissistic father. She carries the scars to this day
My narcissistic father taught me to fear him. I felt unsafe around my father. This was my first experience of having a male figure in my life. I am still trying to heal from this abusive relationship.
This is how I felt growing up too. I was scared of him and still struggle with feeling uncomfortable around him. We had to be ‘quiet’ when dad came home from work so we didn’t ‘upset’ him cause he had no emotional regulation. Most of the males I had ‘relationships’ with I also felt unsafe with. Working on changing that pattern and putting myself first finally! ❤
@@costelloandlizzievolk2233 I can relate 100% to everything you and the original poster wrote . When my father passed away, I was overwhelmed with contradictory feelings of mourning him as the father he was, the father I wished I had and feelings of relief that I would never have to deal with that uncomfortable feeling again. I’m glad you are working on creating a healthier space for yourself.
Same.
My father died when I was 12. Such a mix of conflicting feelings. Especially the immense feeling of relief.
I also felt unsafe with my father. He became an alcoholic during my childhood, but before that he was narcissistic. I dissociated throughout my childhood, and married someone like my father, trying to get him to love me for over 25 years. Started to heal, got divorced, and going no contact with both my ex and my father, and other family members, saved my sanity and my life.
Thank you for doing this one…I’ve been waiting for years for this one.
We sat in the front row at church every Sunday. He was the soccer coach. He would come to my school’s open house events and laugh it up with my teachers. When I was a little girl, I tried telling one of my friends something horrendous he had done. She turned to me and said, “But your dad is so nice!” And never mentioned it again. He would force me to go to the park and play sports I was bad at. He made sure my elementary school friends were watching. If I failed, he would scream at me and embarrass me and turn to them to see if they were laughing. They were his audience. It took me too long to realize he doesn’t operate like a normal human being.
sounds like what happened to me. Anytime I would try to tell peers or others things he did to me, they’d say “But he’s SO NICE! He loves you, you must not have understood….” whatever it was he said or did. I stopped trying to tell people. I was invalidated or blamed for HIS abusive behavior.
He forced my brothers to compete in sports . Especially the oldest being a natural athlete. But I would had never said anything about how evil he was. In fact it took me years to learn this was not normal!!
yes, the church…pillar of the church…no one would believe the treatment behind closed doors
I had almost the exact same experience with my Dad. He came to my elementary school every Wednesday to humiliate me as my class was walking to church from school lol it was crazy. I begged him to stop of course never did
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y Yeah I’m the oldest, but the next oldest, the oldest brother was forced to be in sports though he didn’t want to be. He was targeted and scapegoated second to me. He was never toughened up and manly enough for our dad. Mostly he was the invisible child except when the dad’s wrath fell on him (or all of us). The youngest golden child son could do no wrong and was pitted against me and I was constantly compared to him and how he was better. I didn’t start telling people what our dad did until late highschool, early college and always got invalidated so I stopped telling people. As a younger child I did everything I could to avoid him and appease him, but I could do no right no matter what. Took me a long time too to figure out it wasn’t normal. When I started going to therapy in my early 30s I told my therapist that to me the way he acted was normal because that’s all I’d ever known. I thought everyone’s dads acted like him and I hated going over to other kids’ houses (if I was even allowed, I could count on one hand how many times I was allowed to go to a friend’s house my entire childhood especially as I got older) because I was afraid of their dad turning into a raging lunatic like my dad did at home. And I didn’t want to be around a stranger who acted that way.
I feel so blessed … and incredibly sad for any daughter growing up with a narcissistic father and/or mother. You didn’t and don’t deserve to suffer for their problems.
Thankfully, I see who people are under their masks.
I now have to do therapy and detox due stalkers I had to move back home 8 years of torture.
Still single at almost forty. I didn’t realize until a couple years ago the profound impact of my malignant narcissistic father set me up for a pattern of unhealthy relationships with men. Thank you so much for your content. As a walk through my journey of healing, your words have validated so much that I was gaslit to believe. ❤
Thank you for addressing this. This was my experience and no one talks about it to the degree the others are addressed. I was the scapegoat truthteller and only daughter, and he hated his mother and told me I was just like her and took all his rage out on me, hated girls and wanted me to be a boy, and denied he ever did anything at all at any point in time and he was only ever loving and building us up (what a joke). As an adult he still tried to shame, control, gaslight, invalidate, and target me. Claimed he never did any of the stuff he said and did and that I made it all up. He was a “stay at home dad” because he couldn’t keep a job because of his anger (would never admit that) and how no one at work could do as good as he did at things (he claimed). He never should have been at home with little kids. I think my mom was a covert narcissist while the dad was the malignant, communal grandiose narcissist (no one outside the home could believe he wasn’t “SO NICE and he just is strict because he loves you”, yeah right!). If she wasn’t covert narcissist then she was extremely emotionally immature and dismissive and neglectful. She enabled the dad, turned a blind eye, even jumped on the scapegoating me with him, and never comforted or helped me. In fact I remember times she came to ME to try to get me to comfort her when she was upset but when I’d go crying to her and asking for help she’d tell me to suck it up and figure it out myself or stop being lazy and learn to do things myself. Even simple things that moms are supposed to do for their daughters like when I’d ask her to help me tie my shoes in kindergarten or braid my hair in elementary school. So I stopped asking for anything from either of them and then everyone would say “why are you like this?” as I grew up with all the issues I had – avoidance, anxiety, depression, anger, shutdown. Now learning what narcissism is and how I had NO healthy attachments as a child, no wonder so much damage was done. It’s so hard trying to undo an entire childhood and young adulthood at the hands of abuse like that.
Creates attachment issues .. I’m working on mine and it takes quite a bit of insight. It’s difficult.
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y yes it is. But education like these videos helps. I’m at the point that I’ve learned enough intellectually that I need to put it into practice but I’m not sure how to do that and start developing healthy attachments and connections with others because I had no foundation or healthy examples from childhood. So how does an adult do and learn what should have been done in childhood? And like Dr. Ramani says, I am so wary of other people at this point because of my past experiences I don’t trust anyone and so I’m not sure how to rectify what I now know intellectually and how relationships should work and be reciprocal and have healthy boundaries versus putting it into practice with others that I don’t fully trust.
My covert narcissistic father was my first bully. I don’t think he loved me. He was even more mean and cruel as he aged/before his death.
Yes definitely a bully I feel you .
Lol. Today is my dad’s birthday. Both my parents are narcs. The universe has a profound sense of timing and humour! This is exactly what I need and exactly when I need it! 🙏🏾
My father was a pillar of the community, highly thought of, while at home he raged, criticised, and expected perfection. He died when I was 12. I married a covert narc and am now happily single. Everything you are saying is spot-on. Father’s Day is somewhat painful.
Dr Ramani, your videos have educated me about narcissistic abuse relationships.
This topic was unfolding in front of me, between my husband and his teenaged daughter.
He triangulated, instilled fear, put down her mother, compared siblings, and voiced dissatisfaction with her sexuality of all things!
I am in the process of divorce. I have the strength to leave him.
My hope is that the (his) daughters recognize and set boundaries, and heal.
My father made my sister want to escape as soon as she could move out and I’m glad she was able to.
Thank you so much dear Ramani! You are right: I became a Rebellion towards my dad to be heard, which was though because it was negative attention in return. I never realized it was why I had headaches, confusion and never felt supported. At the end of his life I learned to love him and his inner child, including mine. Thanks to Alzheimers.. when he finally opened up and showed compassion. It was beautiful.
My father is a German overt extremely controlling arrogant narcissist, my mother was a covert narcissist who turned my older brother against me, but he spent his adulthood with guilt and struggled badly with alcoholism and ended up succumbing to it. I was the scapegoat child. It was a horrible horrible childhood for both of us.