The Narcissistic Parent Criticism Trap
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Wishing everyone a wonderful day🫶🏻❤️
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@GenerativePrinciple🫶🏻
Once a narcissist feels secure themselves they show us their true colors
The narcissistic parent will criticise you endlessly, targeting your self-esteem, to where you end up becoming their slave. For someone who was never good enough for you, and instead ended up abusing or neglecting you. Narcissists are never going to consistently encourage you or build you up. They have to break you down to their level, because that’s the only way they can maintain control over you as a source of validation for their false self.
Oh my goodness, I experienced body shaming from my mother-in-law, and it was the way she looked at me. She looked down my top while I was giving her a hug after she had been crying and then she looked back up at me and gave me “the look”. This was after we complimented my mom and she was upset. It seemed she had to take it out on me. I had changed in front of her before and she had never done anything like this. It was very shocking to me.
“Self care goes out the window in a narcissistic relationship.” Self care to me was running like I was being chased and starving myself followed by throwing in the towel and sitting on the couch binge eating.
Me too.. I gave up.. they either called me Karen Carpenter or called me fat. My mom competed with me on the weight issue. She said, “I think you’re actually bigger than ME now.” in a sickening smirking way. And when I was dangerously thin and on my way out.. she said “I wish I could lose weight like you do.” when i said, “I’m anorexic. I’m trying to gain weight. don’t say horrible things glorifying my ED.” she switched to “Oh you’re so thin, you look so terrible.” They think we are their property, that we have to live and look and be the wya they with they could be. And if we refuse, then they accuse us of being all the shitty things they really are. Anyway, I hope you are okay now. I am okay now. We deserved better. In fact, I demand it. And if they can’t? Shame on them. They brought us into the world. They were supposed to love us. Same with our partners and friends. What they had with us was precious and they funked it up. <3
This is SO 💯 spot on! I experienced all aspects of this with my narcissistic ex-spouse. After children the natural weight gain equated to no man would want me now combined with comparisons to other women with more children who were in shape. Then there was the cheating… and once the baby weight came off and I was in the better shape then before the babies it was the suspicion of who I’m trying to look good for and that I was cheating. Self care was not allowed for me and only criticism if I did care for myself. You can’t win. So I quit playing the game and got a divorce.
I wish I had seen this video (the last part) 17 years ago when my children were born. I fell into old habits, sided with them over my spouse, and all the mistakes referenced. Fortunately I saw the light a few years ago and have taken steps to protect my now almost adult children. When my son told me around age 9 that he was working on not being so afraid of everything and trying to change that about himself, I woke up and realized my mother had put the same fear into him that she put into me. The buck stopped there, and overnight visits and unsupervised visits were stopped.
This was my mother!!!!! We ended up eloping.
So True!
At my wedding reception, my narcissistic Monster-in-law pitched a nasty fit, cussing and tossing trash cans through the reception tent, apparently because my maid of honor stopped someone from taking a centerpiece. My husband did nothing. When our child was a toddler, my monster-in-law looked at and felt my tummy, then asked if we had another one on the way. I said, “Nope. Just fat, I guess.” And then over the years my husband displayed what I now know to be classic covert narcissistic behavior, and still it took me 16 years to leave.
Dr. Ramani helped me see the truth of what was happening. Thank you!
i feel ya pain with yr momster-in-law. Mine insisted on a 5 tier wedding cake (wtf) she made it & wanted it placed front/centre of me & my now ex. It was so tall we would be hidden by it – Lolol. So i suggested to put it in front of her instead which obviously didn’t go down too well when she arrived later. She finally accepted having it placed to the end of the table 🙄 It that wasn’t bad enough, when the cake/s did arrive at the venue they weren’t decorated. My aunts had to scramble to attach all the separate pieces, guess where they were supposed to go on the layers, then balance them all on the pillars & hope it didn’t topple over, it was a warm day. What a palaver all of us could of done without !!! We lasted less than a year, i was young, stupid & naive. She raised a man child who up to this very day never changed !!!
Stress (like in a narcissistic relationship) leads to chronic elevated levels of cortisol, which leads to elevated blood sugar, elevated insulin levels, and increased insulin resistance, which leads to……………..weight gain.
💯
I’m pretty sure I got diabetes because of the decades of stress my narcissistic mother heaped on me. And she said I got it because I didn’t know how to control my eating. 🤬
Just got out of a relationship and I questioned myself so much. I started watching your videos and it was you knew exactly what I was going through. Just wanna say thank you. It’s hard I do miss them but I feel much better in my day to day
As a teenager, I started to have body dysmorphia and developed an eating disorder because of this…well into my 20’s.
My dad ruined my graduations. Insulted the campuses, was rude AF to the staff, decided for me when to leave the graduation after-celebration.. gave me flowers, then when i thanked him, touched, he said, while scoffing, “Thank your MOTHER.” She said, when I thanked her, “Well you kept saying you wanted flowers.” They chose the restaurants to go to afterward. They skipped one graduation out of 3, an online graduation during Covid. They are NOT coming to my Phd graduation!!! I have been no contact for 1.5 years.
Ramani, I love your book. You helped me get out of my narc relationships, to reclaim myself, individuate, and care about myself and throw out shame. I won’t allow any of narc business in my life. It took a while, but the new connections formed!
My favorite is when they don’t say “I told you so” because they didn’t – but they say they thought it would happen and now it came true. So it’s more like “I could have told you so, and given you a heads up, but I decided to stay silent so that it would work out poorly for you and then I could gloat about your stupidity and my own foresight”. I’m never sure whether they did actually think it in advance or made that up just then.
Good lesson thanks
When I told my mother that my fiance and I intended to get married on a summer trip we had planned, she burst into tears and guilted me until I agreed to have a small ceremony, “so she could be there” at my wedding. She only showed interest in my life when she was mining for information to use against me, or when it was necessary for her to appear interested for her image management.
Omg Dr Ramani, God has to help me, that’s where I’m at.
I’ve experienced ALL this with my narcissistic mother 😒🙄🤨