The narcissist’s birthday obsession
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My ex narcissist husband scarred me in the very early dating stage. We were college students. On his birthday I surprised him with flowers at a bookstore he worked for. He was so angry that I was there. I was shocked and hurt and very confused on the subway ride home. He wanted me to read his mind. He wanted me to take him out to dinner and didn’t like what I did. I thought he would be happy to see me. The humiliation alone should have been my moment to walk away but I was so naive back then.
How long were you married to that a-hole? What a bad behaviour, poor you! I can only guess how you felt.
I saw a meme once. If you put flowers in an a$$ hole it doesn’t make him a vase. Some folks just can’t cope with wonderful
My narc friend is nowhere close to that bad, yet his life completely fell apart over 20 years. I hate to think how much you went through with your guy. My niece has the perfect personality to get preyed on by one of these insects. I’m trying to figure out how to prevent it.
@@rob6115 Thank you for making me laugh. with that hilarious meme.
Oh boy!!! This is the first true test if someone is a narc. They try their best to ruin your birthday and get extra dramatic about their own.
Exactly!!
Facts
TRUTH
Truth!
💯
I have so many friends who celebrate their “birthday month” and “treat” themselves the whole 30 or so days and constantly remind everyone via social media. I think we live in a narcissistic society.
I have been thinking the same, and now keep all narcissistic people out of my personal space, avoid them in public and have learned to fire doctors, bankers and mechanics with tendencies.
I would call this immaturity, maybe ignorance. Celebrating the “month” has become a socially acceptable excuse for doing things we wouldn’t do otherwise.
Healthy birthday month celebration’s are not bad, it’s the context of that celebration that can be unhealthy. Just my perspective on it. But yes I do wholeheartedly agree with you on that we live in a very narcissistic society 👍
@@michwashington There is nothing “healthy “ about an adult celebrating their birthday for an entire month. It’s the epitome of narcissism. 🤦♀️
I think it’s low class for people that tell me over and over again, don’t forget it’s my birthday in September or whatever month, and then they say it again and again and it’s followed by so let’s get together. I’ve been overly generous to these folks and I started to think they are expecting me to pay for all of our festivities all night. Do they act like that for my birthday? Do they remember when it is? Not. I need to treat them like they treat me from now on..not givers, they don’t reciprocate so why just be the giver, the lifter the one they go to to cry on my shoulder? They don’t have time to listen to my stuff..
done
It has boiled down to this for me; they ruin everything. A day, an event, an appointment, a weekend, a vacation, whatever. I’m glad I’m old enough to claim to be a hermit and just go about my life now. Other people’s drama has left me drained.
I’m understanding all of this now! Everything! Parties!Gigs! Things get ruined! With clinical precision. I recognize the chain of events whenever I appear to be happy in front of my narc. I check each box in sequence as it all pours down like silver! Except now I relish my own life enough to see my narc for what they are. My secret name to myself is Lord Grey Rock.
Your wedding!! Nothing is beyond a narcs ability to try to destroy. So, so, sick.
@@lawrencefeldman7744 awesome!!! Lol 👑
@@brittbot1 you have to cut them out of your life or have razor sharp boundaries. This is why I haven’t been back home in years. 😬
It is amazing how so many people who are strangers have had almost the exact same experience with a narcissist.
Unbelievable.
Narcissists are so weird in that they are very cookie cutter. It doesn’t matter the age, gender, religion, nationality or race.
You can almost predict what they’ll do and how they’ll do it
It’s a Spirit
Like they are a species of their own .
Interesting point. Well spotted
I had my birthday last week and I went and got myself good dinner and had it alone in my room, and it made me extremely happy.
Edit: Thank you so much for all your positive messages and birthday messages. You made me happy one month after the comment.
Happy Belated Birthday!!
Just go tell your parents u love them on your birthday haha what u doing blacking out at bar
@@sadhu7191 having dinner by yourself is blacking out at a bar?
Perfecto 🙂 says a lot about u that u are not complaining and also u are strong
Yes! That is how I prefer my bday these days.
This is so relatable. My narc ex and I had birthdays only a few days apart, with his being before mine. Every year, same thing. On his day, there would be cake, gifts, candles, lots of good wishes, his favourite food, etc. When mine came a few days later – nothing. If I said anything, or asked about my celebration, he would say, ‘we celebrated for both of us on my birthday’ which of course, wasn’t the case. We celebrated him on his birthday, then mine just got swept under the rug every year. Glad to be out of that situation.
Sorry that happened 🥺. Hope You have better ones moving forward
What an asshat. glad you.left. 💜
Maybe you should’ve told him you wanted them celebrated separately. We guys can be kinda dumb about that stuff sometimes. If it were me, I’d just do everything on my gf’s bday. It really wouldn’t matter to me either way 😂
@@stormwilliams3347 It’s assumed that birthdays are celebrated on the date of birth of the person whos celebrating, so why should he be told? does he not know how birthdays work?
@@sprocastersprocaster idk.. I’m unconventional I guess. Everyone has different views on that type of stuff. Who knows
I’m now realizing the reason I dread birthdays and special occasions isn’t just the ominous and looming aging aspect, it’s being used to having them get ruined by narcs
Same
They can actually make me physically ill. I know why but still cant control it.
Right?
Yup. Same
I agree! Birthdays are terrible and giving flowers and wishes shouldn’t be mandatory. Same with other holidays. When everybody is dressed up and the car is ready to go and mom plops on the couch, turns on the TV, and says “We’re not going anywhere today. Take off your clothes and relax.” Relax? Relatives are waiting for us, food is all cooked, and you want me to relax with so much tension at home?
One of her birthdays I was determined to hit it out of the park – to do right all the things I usually “do wrong.” After the special card starting the day, then the farmer’s market, babysitting arranged, reservation made at nice restaurant, and time on the beach at the end. I felt I finally did it right. She cried because I didn’t have the kids make cards.
Goddamn.
Oh my god. That is ridiculous.
You went above and beyond, if no one has told you that yet.
😂
Did you tell her to blame her lazy, uncaring, selfish kids for not making her cards? Then you could bond over the ensuing punishment you unleash on them.
Wooooooooooow. I hope you’re kidding. Otherwise, clearly nothing is ever enough so why bother. It’s never enough to make her happy. Clearly.
A narcissists birthday is the most monumental day in the history of the world. It’s the day when the golden elite was born. All bow.
Agree. My sister began this at a very young age. Less than 10 years old. My narc mother fed into it and my sister celebrated her birthday for basically a month. I was born in December and got half a day, lol. Seen the same in other narcs. One person I’ve known for 30 years, I’ve stopped wishing Happy Birthday at all and I’m sure he’s bewildered. I know he’s purposely not acknowledged mine so I’m returning the favor.
It’s their birthday month, don’t forget about that.
Lol, very true😂
On her birthday celebration she was so happy! Two days before my birthday she broke up with me I was devastated!
@@user-pc9xn1dc9l Be happy she’s out of your life. There are others amongst us where the horror will never finish.
Nothing you ever do for them will ever be enough.
I had a friend once that used to make a huge deal about her birthday every year. She would plan these expensive dinner events and all this other stuff. I got tired of feeling like I was forced to pay up and participate.
Just escaped a 3 year relationship with one. Holy crap, I would be up for days stressing about her bday, and it always ended in a huge tantrum. Mine would go by with barely a mention. Once she made me a birthday dinner and then spent the next few days telling me how much I owed her for making me dinner…
Wtf. Good thing you dropped her.
You really dodged a bullet with that one!
Male or female? (Your ex)
Omgosh!!
Same. My ex narc would stress that he doesn’t celebrate his birthday yet book a cruise or vacation for it; hmmm🤔
If he celebrated mine, same experience. He’d say I wasn’t grateful, happy enough. That I was lucky and ANY woman would be happy to have what he did for me.
I had to put up with one for 15 years before I finally left her! I hated her birthday and knew I had to spend a lot of money and do something for her like she didn’t already have Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, anniversary, Christmas,… Just insane
It’s hard to wrap my head around that kind of behavior because the attention from birthdays always just made me uncomfortable, even as a kid
I appreciate people who says happy birthday but that is enough, I mean…. We dont need to make a big fuss out of it
Same.
Agreed!
Having to listen to a room full of people sing “Happy Birthday” to me is an unbearable 30 seconds lol
@@flashypork Indeed. I’d have to walk out!
On my 40th birthday, none of my family really even acknowledged it. But then, we were out someplace about two months later, and my ex starts bragging about how he through me this huge birthday party for me on my birthday and how much fun it was. I just remember looking at him, and asking who or which woman did he take, because I didn’t even get a Happy Birthday on my birthday? A month later I took my kids and went to a DV shelter at the recommendation of my therapist.
I’ll bet your ex is elated.
@@barronvonschneider2834 I bet your demons inside of you elated keeping you toxic.
On my 30 birthday today they make salty comments like you are old now, or I in your age had 2 kids and build a home … Nothing positive just to make you to feel worse and worthless …
I remember this happened to a good friend of mine I was not in the same state… But she literally cried to me that no one threw her a freaking birthday party for a huge milestone birthday 😢 it was either her 40 or 50, I literally cannot remember…she was especially sad bc her own “best friend” did literally NOTHING for her huge milestone birthday either, which was really odd. I was so sad for her because she hosted SO MANY PARTIES over the years and we all hung out at her house. It made me realize that whole group of friends were kinda self centered and fair weather friends, and I told her if I had been in town I would have.
I find that mine never gave me even a card so I threw it back and still will but hopefully soon it’ll be dead ..😊
This video came out of the blue and hit the nail on the head. The impending birthday month was always a time of stress for me because I knew what was coming. An onslaught of stress, a time where no one else on the planet exists except her. And it was never one day. It was an entire month of birthday overkill. Every single person encountered had to be told. The examination of gifts was always excruciating. The list goes on and on the last day of the month I would be told (every year) I made her birthday the most miserable time she’s ever had. I ruined everything. And I never even did anything.
😢
This has weirdly comforted me over the fact I dislike celebrating my birthday 😂 it’s just exhausting and I can’t stand the attention!
Yes!!
Me too so I’m not one lol
Glad it’s not only me 😊
I hear so many women complaining about their birthdays on social media it’s insane. I’ve seen one girl say that other women are “fake friends” for not taking off work for their birthdays or not going out of their way to make it to their birthday parties. I honestly think some people do not mature past the age of 14 years old.
Same, and I don’t care if people forget. They will also not know I got older! 🎉
The very idea of “birthday month” is grotesque. Birthdays are for toddlers. An adult who publicises his or her birthday is simply strapping on an emotional nappy.
I have had my birthday deleted from Facebook for years now just because I didn’t want a bunch of attention lol. Years ago I took some sort of a narcissist test that would score you from 0 to 40 (the higher the number, the more narcissistic you are). My score was a 1 😂. I took the test because an ex boyfriend had used that word for me in a lengthy text message. Years later I now know he was self-projecting.
Also, took my birthday off of Facebook. Having been in relationships with narcissists you can begin to wonder if it’s you. When I said that to my therapist, he laughed and told me I was far from it. Gaslighting will do that to you.
My ex was a narcissist. The funny thing is – yes, he definitely expected a big deal for his birthday – but he loved to make a big deal of MY birthday, whether I wanted it or not. (And I’m one of those people that could do without a celebration at all, but a cake and a few family members is fine, too).
But it became obvious that he didn’t want to do these big things for my birthday for *my* sake (because he knew I preferred peace and quiet) – he wanted to do these things that involved a lot of people because he wanted them to praise him for being such a thoughtful, considerate person. If we did a small event, there weren’t many people to take note of how amazing he was for doing it.
And that’s how he was with *everything*. It was always about the praise he’d get for his efforts.