The narcissist’s most deceptive gaslighting moves
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Just got off the phone from a gaslighting session 10 minutes ago for the last time. Being put on a pedestal for 1 day, then slammed into the core of the earth for next 2 or 3 weeks no more. good timing, i needed this
If hyper vigilance is assumed as sparks. No wonder I was at a loss to frame panic attacks in my relationship with a narcissistic partner.
My husband constantly told me he loved me. I always questioned it. Now I know why. Wish it didn’t take 28 years to realize it wasn’t love, it was words and control.
My dad would do the most evil things then everyone says your the problem because he said he loves you and God bless after all his acts of wickedness. Are people really this damn dumb or just cowards and full of evil?
You are not alone. It took me 30 years to quit caring. To see who he really was in his head and heart. Sold his soul to the devil for power. Then it made sense why I saw him as stupid but words and actions.
After 27 years on this roller coaster I finally called it out and was discarded like yesterday’s newspaper. Its still hard to get the kids to understand because in the end he somehow made me the villain and gaslit them about made up accusations. If you ever wake up early to this behaviour, run don’t walk…love isn’t enough.
All I can say is, don’t waste your breathe or your energy trying to turn them around.
They believe what they want to believe.
@@murielglaphre8946oh yes! Even adult children are gaslit. “I got my best traits from you, dad.” Uh no! He never bought them presents as kids, never taught them about much of anything, only if they joined in something he wanted to do. They learned about gift giving, celebrating holidays, baking birthday cakes, going out of their way for others, these things they now do because their mom, me, modeled it for them. Once I asked for help wrapping Christmas gifts and he said, “Just put them in paper grocery bags.”
I wish I could. I have a broken ankle and a torn meniscus 😢. He is my caregiver and abuser
Love isn’t enough. And that really is the hardest part to accept. But the truth is, that never was their intent. Love. Only one of us ever valued that. To them, love is a handicap, rather than a virtue. The more we love, the more they despise us for it. Or so it would seem.
27 years here as well.
Love is what kind things you’re doing to make your partner feel comfy regardless of what you’re feeling. Thats concerne, empathy, care and respect aka love.
I call it the Calm/Chaos Cycle. Instability and uncertainty are ways they wield power. There’s even a smirk, or smug smile when they’re appearing to be kind or magnanimous.
Never feel afraid to express yourself but have it comport to your own reality within the context of your situation. Change yourself through art, dance, music, drama, etc., whatever your thing is, for your own psychological growth.
They are silent because to speak would dismantle the structure they’ve built up in their mind which isn’t true which is called a demonic stronghold. Another reason is just pure contempt.
My ex husband started those games of canceling our of events hosted by my employer and the big aunt/uncle 50th wedding anniversary reunion, which required travel to another city 2+ hours away and hotel room reservation. I went to the employer Christmas party without him, and at the last minute he decided he wanted to come to the reunion after all when he knew I was going anyway and he would look bad if he wasn’t there. He actually expected me to not go to these important events just because he bailed.
Thank you for this gem Dr. Ramani. My narc mother and sisters gaslighted me damn near my entire 47 years on this Earth, and I now have no confidence and a low self-esteem. I’m in therapy but my therapist just doesn’t seem to get it. These gaslighters can ruin your life.
Change the therapist
It’s wayyy too many therapists out here. Keep changing therapists until you find the perfect one for you. Your therapist should be the most understanding person on earth. That’s what you pay for.
Find an abuse specialist. It makes all the difference in the world. Go through a Healing your childhood trauma and find out who you are without the trauma. I was abused by mother and younger sister and neglected by father. Married a covert malignant narc. Took 30 years for me to have taken so many healing course to strip away the lies to see who he really was. My ex left and dumped me with nothing to hurt me for “being so disrespectful to him” and set up a cousin and moved in with her thinking it would break me. By then I no longer cared, and didn’t like that cousin so it made me laugh as she has the same illness as him. She wanted to take what I had from jealousy and a made up grudge. I gave it gladly as it was just stuff and it all connected to being abused. He is exactly where he plotted and lied and forced to be but blames it on me. It is his issues not mine. I don’t care who believes him. I am happy and feel joy. So as his idea of me creating contests against him(pure jealousy on his part) I won. lol.
Dr Ramani… you are amazing… and I love you. You have helped me more than you could ever know and I will forever be indebted to you. xxxxx
I’m in the middle of being silently gaslit by my Mom, she has been cold, avoiding me at all costs, not responding to my texts, not reaching out at all for about 5 months now. My kids spend time with my parents weekly and since she has been giving me the silent treatment she treats my kids over the top nice and then is cold to me. I think I need boundaries. Thank you for this.
I was so invalidated, I am a sewer and my exhusband of 26 years used to tell me, what you earn in a year I can earn it in an hour. I am on my own, finally but I can’t shake the insecurity, it paralyzes me
My first spouse told me after he received his first pay post degree that he made more in that first check then I had in my life.
It was BS, but it gave an illusion. It infuriated him that women were in any position over him.
Fast forward after finishing my degree I made nothing close to raise our daughter. This was decades ago but society was not set up for women to walk beside a man.
It’s the added “cost”, the overhead of all this back-and-forth, creation of tension out of nothing or little things, that gets me.. incredibly expensive.
Love is action and behavior consistently demonstrated over time that shows care, kindness, respect, and value.
Well expressed! My family seems, whether it is illness or death that occurs, their attitude remains “endure it, that’s life.” How harsh is that?
Love is self control, honesty, and keeping our word.
“Those who hate me without a cause
Are more than the hairs of my head;
They are mighty who would destroy me,
Being my enemies wrongfully;
Though I have stolen nothing, I still must restore it.
Reproach has broken my heart,
And I am full of heaviness; I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none;
And for comforters, but I found none.”
Psalms 69:4,20
❤️🔥Sacred Heart
We are never alone.
Omg my dad did this all the time to my mom. Especially when she wanted to see her family
36:46! Yes, THIS!
I think that is why I started getting involved in volunteering when I had the children to raise.
I would offer my nights for shelter work.
If hou’re in a situation where it’s Not safe to express your true and honest feeling, thoughts, impressions, and opinions. because you fear a possible backlash, reprisal, or outburst of Rage, it’s a Red Flag, take note , learn as much as you Can about these situations and step away . Do WhatEver you Have to to Protect yourself and Any Vulnerable Loved ones, including pets !
Spot On Dr. Ramani , SPOT ON !!!! You Nailed it,..Again !