The No-Win Trap of Vulnerable Narcissists (WATCH OUT)
You start to disengage, pull back, stop taking the bait… and somehow, it still turns into your fault.
So what’s actually happening here?
Why does stepping away from a vulnerable narcissist create even more confusion — and leave you feeling like you can’t win?
Let’s take a closer look.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Covert narcissists have this hang dawg sad save me why is everyone so mean to me
Another, “Everyone abandons or bullies me.” I heard it so often. I recognized the pattern, got tired, and blocked them. They need to heal themselves.
After they lie, Rage, Abuse, cheat, steal, threaten , filled with contempt.
Yes. Especially when you shove the truth in their face. I also find them often ridiculous…their excuses, their lies… particularly when nobody believes them anymore
They are complete irredeemable
Narcissists understand cognitive empathy that means they can read a persons emotions but they do not feel a persons pain.
They know they are hurting you. It’s their sixth sense.
They do but don’t care…or better they only care for their feelings
They can feel it not in a sense as normal people do. They can sense the emotions of others intuitively, and use it to their advantage. Narcs have an uncanny ability to read the room. They will read it based on how they want to read, and not how it should be read
@PaolaFranconeright, they don’t care
It is a trap where you’re blamed no matter what you do.
My narcissist grandmother trying to scapegoat and make me (disabled grandchild who’s dad just died) her caretaker without asking: she accused me of wanting her money. I told her I love her no matter what and I’d still be here if she never left me anything, thinking that’s the loving empathetic approach. The anger and fury this women had to being told this was terrifying
If you do it, You did it wrong. You should have asked them.
If you ask them, they ask why you couldn’t do it. You’re now lazy and incompetent.
If you take initiative after you ask them, you’re impatient. And somehow think you’re better than them, especially if you do it better than them.
If you wait and then ask them again a week later. You’re a nag.
If you wait but then pay someone else to do it. You don’t understand the value of money. You’re wasting their money – even if you used your money.
Assume, accuse & blame! They’re all cut from the same cloth!
@zmesopotamia6792 yes and then there is dominance and injustice which are difficult things to put up with.
Covert narcissists make everything confusing and complicated
You never know if they’re in a good or bad mood
…on purpose. I hate them. I don’t care if it’s a mental illness.
@mesalouis8976metoo
Don’t defend don’t engage don’t explain don’t personalize
And don’t pretend.
1:46 “Narcissistic people love conflict. Conflict is a place where narcissistic personalities thrive.” So well put. That’s likely part of the motivation for bad managers in the workplace. Overwork a few key people relentlessly. When those employees finally push back, the bad manager will immediately gaslight them and loudly shift the blame. They’re counterproductive to any company.
If you know you know
After having to engage with a vulnerable narcissist who I have dealt with my entire life, I had this epiphany. Trying to make a narcissist happy is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.
In fact I do what I want and don’t care anymore. Sometimes I still get angry at times, tho
More like a sieve…too many holes to contain anything.
Like trying to fill a black hole. It’s impossible.
Or what Dr.Ramani said, I think she said it: to give water to plastic flowers .
Or its like talking to a brick wall!!!
“I notice you are distant. You aren’t talking to me not sure what’s going on. Are you ok?” 🤦🏽♀️ 🙄 this all hits right on!
This is his go to…..is something wrong? I mean you’re acting like somethings 🤷 up? What did I do? Im always the villain 😮. Damn. Im the one whose crazy, and dramatic. Yeah, ok. Shape shifter😵💫
Those lines alone get me triggered and ready to curse them out. I guess that’s their plan; to see me derailed. Not anymore! They’re cut off forever. Blocked everywhere. They can go play in someone else’s face.
They are f*cking nuts. 🤪🥜
Somehow my needs and concerns are imaginary and unreasonable, and theirs are all real…
BINGO 🎯🎯🎯 hit the nail on the head
Exactly
What if I’m just going to be honest and say “I’m distant because I genuinely don’t like you and genuinely don’t care anymore”?😅
They will twist it into a lie, maybe something like “you never loved me, you always hated me, what kind of a person are you to not care about your partner anymore” etc…
Don’t explain. It gives them information to use against you.
Smear campaign, blame shifting and baiting are the next time. Better off going your way as quietly as possible.
Smear campaign because they’re afraid people you have in common may think they hurt you, and that can’t happen for the sake of their public persona. Blame shifting aims to keep the private image safe, by inducing into believing/accepting you were not understanding or not the good person in the story. Baiting is either getting you back as narc supply (if you have successfully been tricked into thinking you’re the one at fault), or simply hurting you by projecting the shame onto you (if you resist ou refuse).
It’s ABSOLUTELY not about honesty or being logic. It’s about keeping the system running for their self centered satisfaction.
@lsdlkyou’re right. All you say. In my particular case a smear campaign would only backfire instantly as she has lost credibility with everyone we know, by now. Gaslighting, projecting etc. stopped working with me a long time ago. In all honesty she can say and call me anything I simply and genuinely don’t care. Took me forever but I got there at last. Tbh, I stopped even bothering telling her the truth because what’s gonna change? I now stick with “I don’t know”,”I’m busy now”. Except when we can have relaxed conversations then I’ll talk but not communicating about how I feel or my plans and if the situation requires just vaguely. What’s the point with someone not caring about anyone not even herself? Loathing the truth so much to rather work for her own misery. No point for any meaningful confrontation
@amandastefanin144I usually say “I am what I am, no more no less. Am I mean? Well, also mean people gotta exist, then “. If I even bother replying or I just go “quack quack quack”. I heard those lines my entire life😂
Do not stay in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. Just tell them you no longer are attracted to them / the relationship doesn’t suit you.
You can never “win” or “work things out” with a vulnerable (covert) narc. They don’t want that, ever.
I totally now understand that there is nothing I can say or do to make my narc realize he is the reason I have completely disengaged from him. I cannot rationalize explaining anything to him as to why this has happened because he is in a complete world of his own where no matter what bad thing he does or says to me, he is not responsible, it’s always me.
💯 they are delusional. They don’t remember any realities. Only falsities that make it so they are the victim, always. And you’re responsible
True. It can’t be done. You can’t negotiate or win with a narcissist. It’s a lost cause. It’s pain and more pain anyway you go.
They are NEVER happy – ever. It’s always up to us to keep them happy/content. That’s NEVER going to happen because they just aren’t happy people. Always looking for other people to blame for their own shortcomings. Tap out! I did!
They’re🧛♀️.
The lack of accountability, blame shifting and gaslighting get so tiresome
After growing up in a household with a covert/borderline narcissistic mother, I finally learned to keep conversations surface at best. As she aged and the borderline traits really kicked in, no contact was the ONLY thing I could do to remain sane.
After 5 decades, Thyroid Cancer ,Hashimoto’s and Gerd. I’d tell anyone, to get out. Your health and life depends on it. They do not change. (Real life experience!!!)
My older brother is a vulnerable narcissist and abused me for 23 years and counting. I’ve been trying hard to disconnect but he’s always running back to our mom to complain how I’m being difficult. What’s insane is he is a full adult approaching 40 who still acts like a young kid. He’s been putting on mass performances of “helping” my mom doing anything around the house just for validation. Funny enough, he never helped prior to last year. He has always labeled me a problem in the family and has done some very heinous things to me. I tried calling him out and that was a bad idea. I did it 3 times and each time, he relentlessly went on smear campaigns and doubled down on the abuse.
I am now in active recovery for suffering a tSAH and he’s still doing things from time to time. To anyone who reads this. These types of narcissists are very dangerous. Often times, they can be jealous, envious or even down right hateful to their victims. Dr. Ramani, I’ve been watching for a while when I started doing research a couple years ago and your knowledge on these people has greatly helped! Thank you!
Jill Wise on YouTube is I believe an expert on the malignant narcissist. She’s a coach ..
Great video It was a month ago when my five year romantic life ended. I’m deeply affected by the decision to end a relationship with the person I love. I have tried everything to win him back, even if it has been in vain, and I can’t picture my life without him. I’ve done my best to avoid thinking about him, yet I still find myself missing him and thinking about him frequently. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
it’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn’t just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Father Obah Eze has also helped my co workers and close friends and even family members get their ex back.
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. I just looked him up, and I’m genuinely impressed.