The SIMPLE reason people get STUCK in narcissistic relationships
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
We get stuck with narcissists because we’re unaware. We don’t see what they’re trying to do. But view it as an observe. Be thankful for what they’ve displayed to you. It then gives you the option to decide whether or not you want that in your life. Their mask slipping is usually not even their choice. It’s just inevitable. It’s something they can’t control. Be glad that they couldn’t control it. Because now you know.
You’ll be ok bud
@ Actually, this comment was meant to help you. Happy new year!
I believe that, but behind closed doors they seem to get a thrill out of it. Maybe it’s a moment of relief from their own BS.
But, last night I heard some confirmation from my son about how he is known to handle things at work. That made me feel bad for him but then it’s how he chooses to deal. It’s like their mind is on overload. Their gimmicks might be well known by that point.
@ Well just imagine how messed up in the mind they’d have to be, to get a thrill out of doing that to you. There’s nothing normal or healthy about it.
@@NarcSurvivor That’s a tad bit narcissistic, but again, you’ll be ok bud!
Loneliness Loneliness Loneliness, and financial problems and not the strength anymore to escape!!!!!!!!!
so true.
How can WE ESCAPE?
@Aquarius285 with the help of people who themselves have been through it
@Aquarius285 with help of friends
@patriciavandevelde5469 but i am loonley…because of tgeir cult..
We think we can handle them but it may take a long time before we can figure out we cannot handle them. They’re around us to take everything from us.
Yes, I tried to manage the situation. It only got worse and worse until I finally went no contact. That’s the best thing I did. It wasn’t easy but it saved ME.
@@michellemasich7464wonderful!
They’re hellbent on destroying us out of their fear, rage or envy
We are under no obligation to “handle” them at our own expense.
You had me at judging myself for seeing red flags
Insecurities are the only thing we need to fear 💔❤️🩹♥️
Yooooo,,,
THIS😡💯💯
Thank you for keeping it real Dr.Ramani. You‘re the voice of reality 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
This video almost made me cry. It is so bang on. Not to mention the people who judge us as ‘bad’ when we finally go no contact.
I’m sure all my children’s friends think I’m the worst mother that ever lived because I walked away from my two grown daughters. Thankfully, I never have to see these people again. I know the truth of what happened and I know that I had to leave to save myself.
I left just over 2 months ago. My daughter came with me, but my son stayed. My own family members haven’t spoken to me in months because I filed for separation. His smear campaigns were so effective. I knew for a long time that I wasn’t in a good relationship, I just didn’t know how to get out. It was a process that involved untangling the enmeshment that he had put me in financially and emotionally. Setting up my own bank accounts, phone in my own name, buying my own laptop, etc. All my friends were the spouses of his friends, so they are gone as well. I have never felt stronger 💪🏻 ✨️ or more at peace. It didn’t all unfold overnight, but it finally did happen. Whatever path you choose, make it the right one for you and not anyone else. ❤ Stay safe!
@ brilliant! Only we who have walked the walk understand what this is all about. Thank you for sharing your story.
@@beverlyadams7205 Enjoy your new life!!
You get to start your life all over again.
Stay away from negative, grouchy, unhappy, resentful narcissists people.
@@trying2survive602 Ever tried moving 1600 miles away?? I highly recommend it. 17 years later my son finally is back in my life and even moved to where I am at.
He too wanted a change of life.
So much of this narcissistic subject matter is about discovering who we are and who we aren’t. It’s rigorous!
The two years since I walked away from my older daughter and 7 months since I walked away from her sister have been painful but at the same time, I’m finally learning who I really am as a human being. They were the last in a long line of narcissists in my life. I’m 76 and this Christmas spent alone is the best one I can remember.
With every narcissist I’ve ever known, I stayed too long. Part of this is my need to be a people pleaser, but this video got me thinking about something else, too.
The overwhelming majority of my friendships have been with good, non-narcissistic people. As a result, I assume that every friend is not a narcissist. So when one shows up, I assume the best and let them in. Then when someone turns out to be a narcissist, I blame myself, and the whole damn thing starts over again.
Narcissists are bad people. Period.
They are insidious
Remember the adage, fool me once… to our shame we give them a second chance! Now I know better & simply look for that first letdown & then cut ties immediately. You can now trust yourself to discern the truth about others & the natural follow through will be no contact with abuse
Simple
A lack of understanding about healthy dynamics is more common than people realize, I think.
Rita Moreno has spoken a lot about her dysfunctional relationship with Marlon Brando (lots of videos on YouTube of her discussing it). She said that in so many relationships, there’s an unspoken, subconscious “deal”, with both partners unconsciously teaming up with the other to play out their dysfunction. In her relationship with Marlon Brando, she said the “deal” was “You be my good daddy and I’ll be your little geisha girl”. So incredibly wise and insightful. We often have no awareness of how we’re behaving and what we subconsciously want.
Omg did I need to hear this one today. Thank you for knowing exactly what is constantly ruminating through my mind.
I so agree. I needed to hear this today too, of all days….
Lots of us were raised by narcs so we didn’t know to expect better.
Exactly 😉 we never knew love but now we get to love ourselves 💔❤️🩹♥️
In my case it was different. I saw that things were bad in my family, but everyone dismissed me or told me that I didn’t know how hard it was to be a parent, “my mother was very tired during childbirth and I should be grateful” (even though she had a cesarean section and I didn’t know anything about childbirth to protest), I’m spoiled and picky and I should be nice to my family, etc. etc
This is what happened to me.
@@doulalina The first time my sister-in-law visited my parents and me she saw firsthand the family dynamic in which my sibling and I were raised. I overheard her make a comment on the behavior being abusive, to which I wanted to reply “That’s just a typical day around here. Welcome to the family!”
She and my sibling have been divorced for quite a few years now. These days she’s doing what she loves and seems happy and successful. I am happy for her and couldn’t be prouder of her!
I wish I had had someone to give me this sort of advice in early life. I feel I have lived under rocks. Your insights will help others to lead a more fulfilled life.. Thank you for deciphering this awkward complex subject and giving it a name so it can be more widely discussed and understood.
If you do decide to “act” on your urge to break the relationship, its the friends and family enabling the narcissist who will turn on you, and call you the villain for disturbing the equilibrium. They will try to make you take back your decision. They will deny everything you say, and defend the narcissist as if their own honor depended on it. It can feel like a cult.
THIS. RIGHT. HERE. 👆👆👆I just said on another creator’s channel who specializes in blunting narcissistic abuse, just yesterday, that creators need to spend more time on the TOTAL SOCIAL ISOLATION that happens if you go NC, or LC … or if you even push back if you’re an adult offspring charged with the care of a narcissistic elder
😢❤
Narcissistic occult families are horrible. They always backup the hurtful and abusive narc….enablers, and flying monkeys, bullies of the narc.
To Rohitlal..Thanks for the warning. That’s all good to know.
I am planning to leave a Bible study so I can leave without hurting anyone’s feelings. I am going to try to take a part time job.
I will expect some backlash, but me leaving is for my own well being. The Narcissist (my sister in law) in the group is just too malicious to handle anymore.
I get attacked every week by her.
For instance…We go out to lunch afterward the Bible Study and the Narcissist will say to me, Oh that waitress doesn’t like you or she will say it’s not your turn to speak yet, or she will tell me that another waitress told her that I stir my straw in my drink trying to get the waitress to fill my glass!
If that waitress told her that then that waitress made an assumption about me that wasn’t true. I have never stirred my straw for that reason. I might have a habit of stirring my straw, but it was never to get the waitresses attention.
Why is this Narcissist and the waitress talking about me behind my back?
I stopped going to lunches now.
It’s crazy the things this Narcissist says to me. She doesn’t do it to any other member of the group.
I was at her house at Christmas and she said to me, “I told you not to open presents yet!”
I said I didn’t do that. Then I ignored her.
Come to find out, My 40 year old son had gotten the presents under the tree for the children so they could open them.
She looks for things to get onto me about.
It’s crazy.
Ohh my God! Thanks for this!! I’ve been in BOTH. Family and in a Cult Church……
Also, with you out of the picture now the narc is going to make even more demands on THEM.
Growing up in an abusive home meant the “red flags” were “normal”. All of this is spot on!
It’s too true. And even if you think you’re going in with eyes open, there is always something there that feels familiar…trauma bond. 😢
Same here! 😪
Me too.
Exactly.
Seems to be why it’s so hard to re program… And not end up with another monster in your home.
I left my narcissistic husband and he left me high and dry. Now I make more money than he does. The jealousy on his face when he found out what and how much I will be making made me smile. He promised me the world but gave me nothing but neglect, love bombing, gaslighting and cheating. The last 9 years of my life are gone but I have a future without him. I’d say I’m the winner.
You ARE!
Absolutely ❤
Lucky you 🍀
Awesomeness
@@leslietinyhousebuilderwann3851 You are very courageous. It’s best not to waste another 9-25 years on someone that is as negative as most Narcissists are. They get worse and more grouchy as they grow older.
The simple reason that I got stuck in this toxic relationship is that I didn’t believe I deserved better. That’s it.
Same here.
@@francesmartel7948 Forgive yourself for past mistakes. You were young and believed people would treat you better.
It’s best to let a man go that is still in love with his first love. You were the second class love. No one should be the second class love in a marriage.
It’s time you love yourself over others now. Be good to YOU. Go on vacations. Go to shows, eat at your favorite restaurants, even if you do it alone, is better than being with someone who is grouchy and negative.
@ thank you ❤️!
Some of these videos are so spot-on, I’m left speechless. Dr. Ramani says it all about shame and how it’s used against us. Turning into 2025, I continue to listen to her with gratitude. . .
This whole video is brilliant – as usual – but 13:30 hit me the hardest — the idea of the “perfect survivor”, someone who knows the exact “right time” to leave and follows through. This is something I’ve felt shame about — I still struggle with it, but one thing I have noticed is how some people become stuck for a lifetime and never leave, and I’m so glad that I left even if I feel I waited too long to do so.
“In the beginning of the relationship we felt that we were too quick to judge, and at the end, we felt that we were too slow in seeing it all. We were foolish for staying & feel full of shame.” -Dr. Ramani 💯
Meanwhile the best years of our lives have been wasted on somebody who couldn’t care less.