The Three Loves Theory of Narcissistic Relationships
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Typical narcissist has three loves in his/her life:
“Me, Myself, I”… 😂
That’s funny 😂
🤣 So true.
💯
Harmful family systems is something I’ve only become aware of in this last season of life. Healing and learning healthier coping mechanisms is invaluable. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your videos have helped me tremendously.
I don’t believe that mess. You can make it work with anyone who is mature and committed. I had my worst relationship with my first love. We were so immature, too young to know who we really were or wanted in life. It was rough getting over it, but I’m so glad we are both better off.
Narcissists do not and cannot behave in a mature way. To stay in such a relationship means endless suffering.
I believe in learning from our mistakes. The problem is properly identifying what the mistake is. I spent most of my life believing I was broken and unlovable, half right. I was broken. But not as badly as I felt. It took forever for me to realize I am lovable.
THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani! Nobody ever talks about self-love. The “norm” always seems to be about finding love outside of ourselves. Somehow it always takes two and “I” have to heal before I can be part of a healthy relationship (provided they’re emotionally healthy, too.) The music and entertainment industries perpetuates this “message”. When I say I’ll never marry or enmesh my life ever again, it’s not because I’m bitter or because I’m an empty shell. It’s because I have come to a place where I feel good about my single status and at this point in my life (60’s) the reasons I would do so in the first place, are long behind me. I would enjoy companionship. But again, they would have to come to the plate not looking for a transaction/some way to benefit, be it emotionally, financially, whatever.
In a narcissistic relationship there’s three rings,
The Engagement Ring
The Wedding Ring and
The Suffa Ring
1st late teens, love bombed then neglect then discarded, no goodbyes. Ruminated for decades since background is narc family. The love bomb was great. But since being educated by Dr Ramani, that 1st was a narc. Now, can say rumination is gone. Never got heart in right place, 2nds were just short terms-2 long distances, 1 narc user. 3rd is me. Too late for anything coz narc mother still here. Every night, I get clarity from Doc. Can work on myself & to find pieces of (sanity) small joys, and goal is to keep finding to thrive. Thanks Doc.
This video was thought provoking. It never occurred to me before but I I now see that my narcissistic mother really liked my high school boyfriend. My sister told me many years later that she tried to get him to date her after I broke up with him. “He was dating the wrong sister” Yuck!! This also set the template for my mother triangulating against me with my partner.
The third love is unconditional self love. Got to love that! ✨🙏
Multiple here! Yeh–when I heard only 3 main “love” relationships, I thought, this discussion isn’t for me! And yes! The third may be ourselves. I’ve definitely learned to turn away from relationships instead of giving the benefit of the doubt ad nauseam. I looked for love outside of myself with way too many people in many wrong places for far too long. Got pretty down on myself for that until I remembered the stuck little smart good girl who just wanted to be heard and nurtured. You’ve made me cry again. 😉
I’ve never had a good love story. They’ve all been toxic. I was sucked in used and abused by them. They were manipulative trauma bonds that started with passion then became awful. I don’t know if I will ever have a real healthy romantic love. But I have other healthy safe loves like my kitty cats. ❤ Working on myself and keeping the toxic people out. ❤ Giving myself that love. ❤❤Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Sounds familiar, animals are great. I love the birds that come and visit the bowl of food I leave out for them and seeing them bring their chicks to feed in the sping.
To a young person, self love is always labelled by others as “selfishness”……when you grow older, you know the difference.
Right. My ex-husband objectifying my body to coerce others into having sex with him because he thinks sex is just fun is selfish. Me telling him to not send nudes of himself to my coworkers while we were still married was self-love.
In his narcissistic mind, this is reversed l, and he even told me so. He even tried to claim this was just a difference in personalities. Lol no, he’s just a slut.
Third love is my dog. Unconditional caring . Loyal.
Totally! 😍🐕
That is what I have been thinking. The Greatest Love of All is my self-love. Having my own back. Not expecting someone else to “save” me. Thank you Dr. R.
You have the nicest way of explaining how hopeless trusting anyone actually is. Thanks for your honesty; to say it’s really difficult to find, be prepared for, and accept another person as trustworthy is optimistic as it gets. Good luck to everyone.
My four marriages were all toxic. The last one lasted 20 years off and one. There were no names to describe these relationships and no knowledge to figure out what was going on. Just condemnation of it was all your fault for not gettin along. Am in my late eighies and just now discovering what was wrong. Thank you Dr Ramani!
All my relationships were toxic including my two marriages. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful man later in life who was in toxic relationships too. We have been living together for 6 years, are healing together and are having so much fun in later life.
@@denisedevoto5703 I believe that is the secret to a good relationship no doubt is having fun. ✨✨
Dr. Ramani. There is no way for me to repay you. To repay you, in a balanced and fair way.
Other than to let you know. You’ve made it able to see Clearly, even though it’s still raining. You’ve made room for breathing. You’ve taken away doubt(s). You’ve brightened days. And made moments for my mind to sit back and not feel the troubles while dealing with them.
I’m utterly utterly Grateful. !
Thank You Very Much. And see ya next time! 💪🏽👍🏽🤝🏽
So insightful. My first 2 loves were on the narcissist spectrum. After learning from Dr.R. and leaving the 2nd relationship, my healing journey has taken me to learn to truly love and honor myself, and as a karmic bonus, a third love with a humble loving soul that I never saw coming has come to be. I needed to learn and heal to fully appreciate and engage with this man.
I really want to believe that after we survive narcissistic abuse and understand our attachment style, traumas, and the way we [erroneously] get our need for validation fulfilled, we ARE better equipped to recognize green flags and find that third love/phase based on respect, communication, support, healthy conflict, etc. But Dr. Ramani is right: we need to love ourselves first. ❤