The TRAUMA BONDING stairs
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Nice analogy, and so damn true…
It’s amazing how we have no choice but to survive in these situations when we are little!
#BothParentsNarcs
When you are going through a trauma bond you are missing somebody who never existed.
Well said. 🎯
I had to come to terms with that, it took me years long after the divorce. She’s in and out of jail now very sad but so glad I moved on 😊
Yes
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Exactly!
After being manipulated to climb down the trauma bonding stairs, find the courage to break away and take the “escalator” back up without the narcissist to freedom, so you can heal.
❤. Yes!!!!!
The moment I realised I forgot the name of my ex-narc’s new supply. I saw her once on FB before I cleared off of my social media accounts altogether (had planned it for a long time). And a couple of months later…I forgot her name. The moment of freedom. Since then I’ve kept on forgetting further bits of him and our relationship. Yep, absolutely possible to break free from the trauma bond.
It’s like we cannot stay or cannot leave. Trauma bond weakens our resolve.
And we don’t really get rescued it gets worse!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Greatly appreciate this video. Have a great day!
As a young boy who had narcissist parents ..and survived I learned one word…loneliness and exercise helped me survive. Running out at night under a moon sometimes a marathon a week.
You will always thrive.
I was played just like an instrument, set up to trauma-bond. My parent evil-cleverly, literally sat me down and taught me to look for and “Find those flecks of good (in a sea of not good)…” in others. I finally know he was always talking about himself. I was so blinded to the obvious contradictions. Within the same conversation, he’d talk so badly about my mom. And so I believed I should look at those things in her, which was the opposite of his lesson. It doesn’t make sense. But I didn’t know better. I believed everything he said. I believed she was a bad person. I did question some of his behavior. He was always prepared with instructions as to what I was to believe and I always listened. My head is spinning right now.
❤
I experienced this with my dad. But my mom is sick too. Cluster B. Hang in there.❤
I don’t like it when I hear parents say this to kids. It sets them up to be used & abused!
If I’m going to take those trauma bonding stairs it’s going to be involving grief work without the narcissistic pattern. I can’t control everything but I can control more than I thought when I see what I need to do.
This “finding the flecks of good” in a parent, always trying to be better, shrinking myself, and being everything he needed. I became the parent, remained subjugated and never fulfilled my needs. It took me 39 years to FULLY see the truth. It was never safe. It was DANGEROUS. Yet I still wish I had the relationship I knew I had but never existed.
Trauma bond is that adhesive that keeps you connected to an ongoing nightmare. The stairs are your way to climb to a place of escape, either emotionally or physically.
YES!! This is it!! You’re on the top of that building. They push you, the fall is terror, they catch you, you forget they’re the reason you fell. They’re your abuser and your savior. For 39 years, this kept me stuck. I never fulfilled my dreams.
Trauma-bonding is also part of how you end up wishing you had the relationship you knew you had but you know never existed.
I’m 💯 understanding 😢..For me it’s 32 Year’s. Not sure how to get out and heal I’m not Young and no $$.Blessings to you
@@erinward2983 so well said!
@butterfly2604 it Can happen…even after 32 years
I am getting it. So confusing! My daughter has a cat . Her narc gf gave it something that made him deathly ill. Then the narc played hero and rushed the cat to the vet!! I am so like wtf?!
Yes, agree. Intermittent reinforcement is addicting for some of us, especially those with C-PTSD. From my parents, to boyfriends, to husbands, this has been my entire life. I never knew why I always felt so miserable in my relationships. Love Dr Ramani.
As always, this video came just when I needed it. I spent last night in “the loop”. This time, however, thanks to Dr. Ramani, I understand it. I really needed to hear this message today. Time to start back up those stairs. Thank you.
🩷🙏🩷 We are Grateful for you Dr. Ramani & Team!
🔥🔥🔥People PLEASE listen to this message!🔥🔥🔥 It could SAVE your life…
🩷🙏🩷Safety, Peace & Love for All!💞💞💞
So awful but true, love and blessings for you Dr.Ramani and community 🙏 ❤
Wow. Your abuser, rescuer and blamer all in one, perfectly explained. 😢
“Prospector finding the tiny little flex of good in a sea of not good”, so on point. It’s been the source of suffering for me. I call it “Lastima”, or “lament” for me feeling sorry for ppl that treat me so badly. And Ive repeated the trauma over and over thinking, rather feeling and hoping, this time they’ll change. Thought it was the essence of christianity/love, what made me a good person, despite everything. Boy was a I wrong. Like Oedipus gouging out his eyes.
I wasn’t raised by a narcissist, i was kidnapped and held hostage. Now they live rent free in my mind. Kicking them out. Fuera!
A steep climb back up and a lot of setbacks, falls back down those stairs. It reminds to get back up and keep going. This really is such a great analogy. 💛
Yeah. This is how you get trapped. You become your own jailer, and the narcissist is enjoying every minute of it.
THIS, “you become your own jailer.”
Wow, this came at the perfect time for me. I had decided long ago that I would cut of the narcissist in my life once certain situations changed. But things have been “good” lately so I was considering maybe maintaining that relationship. This is definitely something to deeply consider.