These Are Your Options in a Narcissistic Relationship
What choices do you actually have in a narcissistic relationship — and why do none of them feel like good ones? When you’re in it, it can feel like you’re stuck with no way out. But the reality is, there are paths forward — they just all come with trade-offs. In this video, we break down the different options and why understanding them clearly is the first step toward making a choice that works for you.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
It’s not the leaving that’s hard about the narcissist it’s the believing
THAT (and many more) was to me ‘the’ thing i could not ‘get’, is why i lost my health… u know as well, right… thankyou dr Ramani, from Belgium
If theyre a narcissist, its highly likely that overtime you will see them for what they are, childish immature useless predators. Youll become disgusted by their behavior.
Narcissists always say things to suck us back to our lives
True, but now you are aware of their behaviors, you can be stronger. You ask yourself, how much longer do I want to waste my life on him?
I personally was tired of being tired. I was hoping his behavior would change, but he never did. I left, that’s been 10 years ago.
When a narcissist gets criticism they often say things like this is a witch hunt everyone’s out to get me
You really only have two options when you’re dealing with a narcissist. Either tolerate it and suffer, or plan to leave and go no contact.
You’re still going to suffer post-separation abuse when / if you go no contact
@amarbyrd2520 That’s true. But you can channel that energy into more productive things. People don’t typically evolve when they’re already comfortable.
@amarbyrd2520not if you the healing…..see quanta freedom healing. Brilliant narc abuse recovery work…check out on google.
@amarbyrd2520even if it only means you get to keep your dignity and sanity, it’s worth it. We can afford to cut a few losses, sometimes. In the distance, one can grow stronger.
Please stop.
You’re not qualified to talk about this.
Please just stop.
The big surprise to me was after leaving I thought everything would be ok but I was ill prepared for all the mentally scarring pain and trauma I would have. Which now I am trying to be normal again, and that is imo the hardest part. I’ll never be the same after being psychologically abused and then abandoned. But be positive, people. It will get better.
The hoovering and flying monkeys continue for a long time. Be prepared!
They will cause you troubles no matter whether you argue with them, obey them, or avoid them.
“The damage of a narcissistic relationship comes from being in something you don’t understand.” That is my take home message today. I spent a lifetime wandering around asking professionals, friends and even strangers “What the hell is going on?” You guessed it. They pointed to me and said “You need to be more ______ (fill in the blank). Path three the story of my life.
I got, “Just leave”. Gee, I never thought of that! Thanks so much. So simple when you yourself aren’t the one living through it. We all know just leaving isn’t as easy as it sounds. You need money – lots of money, to start over creating a home from scratch. Plus, the abuse mentally beats the victim down. It feels like you fell down a well with a boulder strapped to your chest. I was so exhausted all the time that it seemed like even the accomplishment of getting out of bed deserved a gold Olympic medal. Sadly the psychological support a victim needs is enormous and most people aren’t willing to invest that time unless they are your parents or grandparents.
My biggest regret with leaving was not knowing about post seperation abuse. I’ve endured 4 months of hell that includes silent treatment, parental alienation and multiple false allegations. I really hope there will be a positive feeling ending like you say.
They never heave it’s a life long haunting
Leave lol
I recently sat through three counseling sessions with my Narc wife. I got blamed for expressing my frustrations, i.e., anger as a reaction to this situation. I decided to not show anger. The counsellor saw this during the third session and concluded the therapy with us! She gets to keep up her distancing behavior, while I don’t show anger because of it. If I had better income, I’d leave today. My thyroid quit working and I suffer with physical balance control. I quit alcohol last month, so now I feel the full affects of her manipulations because I refuse to kill myself with alcohol abuse.
As someone who had to learn this for myself, your anger is your best friend. That doesn’t mean yelling or screaming at your narcissist wife, but it does mean being insistent and firm and assertive with her fueled by an honest expression of your anger. Without feeling and expressing your anger, it’s going to be a losing battle with your wife.
You are not alone. Keep moving forward. This community is a safe place for you.
Post separation abuse and seeing the totality of it is the worst but from there you can crawl until you stand, stand until you walk, walk until you can jump forward.
I believe the grief walks along side us no matter which path we take. We just have to keep going anyway.
You lose a lot….BUT YOU FIND YOURSELF AGAIN AND GO ON TO HEAL AND LIVE A THRIVER LIFE
I found you by chance. I have been absolutely miserable for last 3 years. Discarded after 15 years and we share 2 small kids. After watching your videos I feel there in finally some hope for me 🙏🙏
As someone who has endured a stalker for years. An obsessive father who kidnapped him, and a narcissistic mother who has made me homeless 3 times to keep me living with her under her control….I can share my wisdom about dealing with obsessive personality types. You must be VERY careful with how you disengage. The thing that has worked for me is to be emotionally unavailable and not respond to baiting. Don’t be cold. Respond to them in conversation, but you don’t have to be warm. Acknowledge them. Eventually, you will become boring and the person will lose interest. This can take years. But the sudden shock of pulling away often leads to punishment. So prepare for years of a small amount of constant pain and anxiety. But it’s better than violence, false accusations, and God only knows whatever kind of abuse they can throw at you. Be careful.
That’s what I’m doing with my mum. I even actually have a conversation when she’s acting sensible but, basically, ignore her whenever she starts her tantrum or victimisation. I’m nice too but emotionally I’m far far away
Never tell the 🆕 person about the narcissist as painful dismissive as it sounds the new person they are with will eventually see who the narcissist really are.
A narcissist will never change even if they found a new person
True. They don’t change their behavior, they change people.
Omg Dr Ramani this is your theatrical debut! We love it!
Imagine being a disabled person in a narcissistic family with a covert narcissist grandmother who no one wants to be around? They will abuse you nonstop for not being a parental figure and try to sabotage your income so they don’t have to deal with it… all the while lying to themselves that “he’s disabled, he can’t really make it long term and should be dependent on her, I’m actually helping him”, allowing other family members to feel justified in abusing.
But leaving exposes all of it as the family implodes without a scapegoat.
I am so much better but it took a long time for no contact to finally bring upward trajectory and not just grief and pain.
Having a job put a target on my back as everyone began realizing they can’t rely on that lie anymore. It’s hard to say you are helping the disabled person when they are earning six figures
sometimes i just want to cry watching these videos because they let me know I’m not crazy. Nobody understands how truly hard it is to have to maneuver this when you’re under threat of violence and stalking. It really is the post separation abuse that’s most frightening.