These shifts might SAVE YOU from the narcissist
The shifts you have to make to survive a narcissist? They’ll wear you down. You're not just managing their moods—you’re abandoning yourself, overregulating, and walking through life exhausted just to keep the peace. And the irony is, once you finally “get it,” the shifts get even harder. This video breaks down why healing from a narcissistic relationship demands so much—and why it’s still worth it.
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They are adult- sized toddlers! Yes! Love it!
It’s very exhausting when you always have to pretend everything is okay.
I agree with you, it’s a battle to deal with their stuff every day. It makes you feel tired, all the time, when it’s always about them.❤
And the tone of voice you have to use and the constant awareness of the face you’re making and how your eyes look.
Its pure exhaustion
@@sandyroberts-d6e
All of you women are Narcissistic
Wait till the Market collapses and no more shopping like an addicted parasite who thought it would last forever
https://youtu.be/6TBvOCKz-AQ?si=mxqr22DuIBA-yv8f
In my early stage of not knowing what he was I remember disagreeing with him about something he said and he turned it into a pity party, what was wrong with me speaking to him like that and upsetting him. I remember thinking what had I done wrong and self correcting myself on how I would speak, it is one long extended fakery of watching how you speak and act in his presence. His whole life is one of pretence where nothing is real, not his words, actions or emotions.
Thats the worst part 😭😭 its so.hard and difficult
Six children and the experienced tantrums and explaining/ teaching that goes along with that, probably makes it easier for me to tolerate and navigate the adult tantrums and nonsense that I shouldn’t have. Adult narcissists are more unteachable than children.
👍 yep
So true.
Endless love and gratitude for the tools and information.You have given me to help me navigate these challenging relationships.And I love you for this
Once again so insightful and well said. Your insight has been life changing. Thank you for Sharing your gift. God bless teachers ❤😊
Most children grow out of tantrums, but narcissists can’t.
Narcissist can absolutely grow out of tantrums, it’s just that they staunchly refuse to do so like it’s some sort of God given birth right to them.
Yes i have 65 yrs old toddler! Weird, cruel and manipulative!
So true. It is exhausting. You always have to be on guard and they sap the joy out of everything.
I am a survivor. I am well-educated. I am not a fool. I am not stupid. I am exhausted at times. Thank you, Dr. Ramani for confirming experiences and your words of wisdom. You are much appreciated.
I’m the same. So glad I’m not alone in this nonsense
Same. I have a Masters degree and am 60, but when I met him at 49, I had no idea what a narcissist was or boundaries. And having grown up with a communal narc father, I thought that type of behavior and treatment from a ” man,” was normal. And then the trauma bond …
I have learned So much! But even 6 months out- I’m Still exhausted.
This takes me back to 18 month ago when I was living with my narcissistic husband. I didn’t even register the gaslighting until my councillor mentioned to me when I recited back conversations to her. I even went through those phases of believing that I was the problem and wasn’t being nice enough to him and I was just being difficult, which I didn’t realise really before until this video. By time he moved out I was exhausted and burnt out so bad that I could barely function. I couldn’t eat due to stomach issues, I had constant anxiety attacks, cried all of the time and had heart palpitations regularly. It was because I was in flight or fight mode for such a long time, that it had depleted me. It’s taken a long time to recover, and I’m still not entirely there. The narc drank himself to death almost a year ago, so that put a stopper in my recovery. At least he can’t hurt me or my kids again.
I’m 46 years old and financially dependent on my elderly narcissistic mother. I could never provide for myself because of the way she reaised me. Now I’m trying to make a change, to get a job and go no contac but it’s so hard, I’m in hell trying to get out, wish me luck
Better 46 than 56 ! Good Luck and you can do this !
All the best ❤
Wishing you luck!
Maybe check out local libraries for work? Not trying to be pushy, I apologize I’d I’m overstepping. But I’m not kidding when I say that working in libraries – the calm environment and amazing people- very likely saved me while dealing with a narc for decades of my life. Work was my haven, my happy place
52, elderly narc mother, trying to get out as well. However, she also might be at the beginning stages of dementia/Alzheimer’s. So the tension now is do I save myself or be a dutiful daughter?
However, here’s the thing, can’t really help a narc cuz they don’t trust you and their self reporting is unreliable cuz they don’t tell you the truth anyway especially if it makes the narc look “inferior” in some way.
Been trying to network to find employment in my field but that’s been difficult.
I start a part-time supermarket job today, for as long as that lasts. You never know nowadays.
Good luck. I know it’s not easy.
@@In.the.darkness_there_is_light Save yourself, do what you can for your mother but don’t beat yourself over it if you can’t do everything. I couldn’t handle my mother anymore and moved out. She has Alzheimer’s and lives alone. The first weeks she was so angry at me. She is okay now and actually the nicest she’s ever been. I feel better having my own life again. I help her but sometimes worry it’s not quite enough. I have accepted that this is the life we are living now. My mother is getting worse and soon she can’t live alone anymore. If you are making a move it’s best to do it before things get really bad. My mom has had Alzheimer’s for a decade. I left at around five year mark. I live close but can’t live with her.
Wow. This is so spot on. The resistance. This is the type of thing so many people just don’t understand.
At 69 I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t handle it!🤷♀️
I can’t either and u aren’t the only one.
I stayed with narcissists and other abusive, damaged people for too long. I did it by always giving in and taking total responsibility for the work in the friendships. I never questioned what was happening until things reached a breaking point with each, and then I just felt stupid and let the next one happen. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self what was happening, what narcissism is.
Narcissists are bad for you. Fun at times, they can make you feel good, and there were good times. But none of them were worth the cost.
Totally what I needed to hear as I navigate difficult family dynamics that are exhausting. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Fascinating video, Let’s stop taking relationships and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she still insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her
Your pain resonates with me. Letting go of someone dear to your heart is an immense challenge. I found myself in a comparable situation when my 12-year-marriage ended, and I struggled to accept it. Despite my efforts to reconcile, I eventually turned to a spiritual counselor for guidance, which eventually led to a reunion with my wife. I’m now filled with joy
I’m keen on meeting the counselor you’re talking about. What steps should I take?
Online, you’ll find Suzanne Ann Walters , revered for her expertise as a spiritual counselor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being
Thank you for this information. I have just looked him up on Google with his name, impressive
He said to me, ” I still don’t know why you left me.” I said, ” I’m not discussing it again.”
Yeah I have unfortunately gained a collection of narcissists over the years. A common trait is not giving up on trying to hold your involvement with them by any means possible. And they know full well why they got cut off. This is only manipulation hunting tactics to draw others in. The tactics get extreme. No contact is probably your best bet if it’s possible.
It’s the best 👌 always go no contact when you can
Having to constantly “fix my tone” when explaining something to a narc when they don’t listen or understand something is beyond exhausting.
This! THIS!!!! Exhausting.
I am saying this by happenstance but #1 you can’t “explain” anything to a WALL! 😜
Like clockwork, every time I adjust my tone they immediately pivot to attacking something else instead of discussing the matter at hand
The only person we really have to live with is ourselves.
The precision in how you explain these patterns, and also just how clearly they do, in fact exist as precise patterns is something I find astonishing.