Things narcissists do and say to mess with your head
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Whenever I talked about my struggles to a narcissist, they always mess with your head with toxic positivity and shame by telling you that “your struggles are all in your head” “you’re just being weak.” They always blame you for creating all your problems.
So, this is common, I’m telling you. But yet, somehow their “struggles” (their own desicions, behaviour etc) is often caused by you I mean 🤯
My sister does that, too. 🙄 When I’ve shared some really awful stuff first to my dad, he’d respond with indifference so I’d go away and not bother him. Physical assaults from bullying, a sexual assault, a breakup, a job loss… never garnered a single question of curiosity or drop of empathy in my 46 years.
This was me in a nut shell a few times…
Me: F55555k. You’re stressing me out with your BS! Sh1t man!
Mom: Pssh. You’re stressing yourself out. It’s not me. Stop thinking so much.
Spot on, but their issues are always somebody else’s fault, often yours
I thought it was just me who felt this way and experienced this with narcs. However, if someone told them that their struggles were in their head, they would tell them to eff off.
Whatever we do they have a problem. They don’t know they’re the problem.
The solution is to not identify problems it gets you know where
Just move round and make the space further and further as well as other activities by now they cutt you off most things enjoyable is this correct?
As usual
Agree. I heard it described perfectly: “They are always complaining about the rain, and have no idea THEY are the storm.”
I am going to repeat this like a mantra, dealing with my elder NParents
I was always happy for my spouses good fortune and even supported what gave him joy: hobbies, careers, etc. However, when it came to me and the children’s happiness and joy, if it had nothing to do with him, he was uninvolved and even ignored it.
Wow bless your heart it was never your fault
Sounds like me aswell. I still question if I’m a narcissist but then remember I always supported everyone’s ventures but never got the same treatment. There was always judgements and talking behind my back and eye rolls. I couldn’t be the open bubbly person they would always make their eyes big at me or roll their eyes. I was sopose to be small and quiet.
Things they like are good and you ooh and ahh, things you like they couldn’t care less about.
34:37 I’ve been watching for so long and you’re getting better at simplifying narcissism making it easier for people to understand it
Ain’t it !
I could never bring happy. Now they can have all the happy they want. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.
The flip side to the first section: not only do narcs want you to always be happy for them, when they’re upset they want everyone to be as miserable as them.
The second is even worse! That’s what happens to my brother! 😢 He deserved better!
Yes! That’s what I was going to say. I have someone with narc tendencies close to me, and this is more their way. I’ll often feel unable to share good news b/c they constantly have bad news and want us to be constantly sorry for them.
My narc mother doesn’t like it when I’m miserable but also not when I’m in a good mood. I don’t understand what she wants from me.
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
I don’t care what they do or say any longer. I know their tactics and ways of being. I know their games.
When I walked away, I walked away.
Going forward, I can detect what needs to be detecting when I meet new people.
I know who I am as an Empath, with integrity, authenticity, and a loving and healthy heart and soul.
Thankfully, they never broke me or changed my inner core.
Being true to me is the way to always be! ❤
I’m with you 👍👍
I told my narcissistic ex about a recent forever sleep attempt and their response was “how do you think that would make me feel”, no words of support. This was after we had been trying to be friends but a switch flipped and they went very cold messing my head up again. The break up wasnt that long ago so I’m still learning how to deal with things and these videos have been helping.
This happened with me too… I hadn’t attempted per se, but I started to self harm when my mom was taken the the mental hospital. When she got home from the hospital and found out what I was doing her response was “how could you do this to ME?” and then she had another “breakdown” and ran away crying while my sister ran to comfort her and I was left there alone bleeding…
I will never forget that. That even in my hurt, we were meant to comfort her, with no expectation of comfort in return.
Her reaction only made my self harm worse because I felt I deserved it even more for hurting her, until I finally got therapy in high school and healed from that. I was made to feel selfish even though in my kid brain, I was just punishing myself for being so bad and getting my anger out on myself so I wouldn’t hurt others. I was made to feel like a bad kid for bringing shame to the family. Even though my mom went to the hospital for a life attempt, apparently none of us were allowed to feel like that, only her.
I’m sorry this happened to you too, but you are not alone, and I hope you are healing ❤
@@artsyfartsynerdywordy I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand the mindset that goes with it, if I see someone in pain or suffering I’m gonna do all I can to help and support them.
I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this too and glad therapy has helped 🙂
I’m hopefully starting counselling soon too and oddly I think the attempt helped in some small way, like it was the wake up call I needed. It’s slow going but I think I am healing thanks and I hope things have improved for you too ❤️
My best friend through almost 25 years cancelled her participation in my moms funeral by texting me 5 minutes before I went in to church she wasnt coming… she didnt send flowers or a card either. Generally she was always going through tuffer things than me and never really could be supportive or be there for me when things was boiling over in my life but always expected that I was available 24/7 when she needed me. When I needed her she was a ghost. So she is not my friend anymore and I dont miss her. I hope she is doing ok though
Was showing my dad one of your videos the other day and not even a few minutes in he paused it, handed the phone back to me and said. “She just wants views.” 💭
My guess is, you and your dad never spend any time discussing your life or your feelings, do you? 🙁
It’s never a good idea to show narcissist content like this. The best way, I find, is to embody these values without parroting Dr. R. They can’t accuse of just wanting views if they don’t even know what your sources are. The biggest power move is to consume this content, read the books, etc and just become your own fountain of wisdom on how to deal with narcs and spread this info to those receptive. That’s how you know you healed. If you are able to provide sources of info to someone going through your exact situation – congrats to you, you are now the healer. You are now a source of peace and consolation to someone who’s disoriented from narc abuse. You can just about create your own channel on what you learned. I’ve learned so much that anyone coming my way for clarity will be glad they did. I ooze healing from narc abuse. Seeing things so clearly I can articulate mostly what people are going through. Bottom line, don’t reveal your sources of healing to the narc for they will contaminate that too and say all you are doing is copying that woman for views. Or that you are the one who lacks originality and personality. Worst thing it could do, is allow them to learn how to weaponize these teaching – beware of the narc who goes to therapy.
Dr Ramini, you are describing the son who lives with me.
And yes, I’m hollowed out , numb, and bereft. It feels like I’m at a funeral that’s missing a dead body
The selfishness is astounding. One-way street. Tough in group situations. They’ll reverse it with gob-smacking effectiveness. Couples can be like an entity unto their own that they expect you will pay great regard to. They are not 1+1, they are like royalty and expect others to treat with the same importance. You will not be heard – how dare you speak when they have another thought about their lives.
The narcissist I was married to for 25 years when I finally started figuring out what had been happening since the day we were married because it was so covert it took that long- when I asked him to leave for the sake of each of us to try and figure out what was happening and how to deal with it… he said, “Why can’t you just be happy?! *I* am happy! Why can YOU just be happy.” I had no idea at the time what “gaslighting” even meant. Now that I know what gaslighting is, I realize he was basically asking me “why can’t you be happy with how I’m treating you?! *I* am happy with how you treat me (um of course he was happy with my behaviors… I bent to everything he asked of me to try and keep him happy and also to avoid his covert punishments.)” But the gaslighting made it sound like I was simply a difficult person to please. The problem is THEY can’t be happy FOR THEMSELVES because they know their behaviors are inappropriate. So they need everyone else to be happy for them. It’s sick.
Both of my brothers and my grandmother were champions at this. My mother’s favorite game was robbing Peter to pay Paul. She would paint herself into a corner financially and then, magically, come up with the money. Crisis averted. For most of my life I was told I wasn’t responsible at handling money. It’s only in the last 10 yrs. that I know that I’m actually good at managing my finances.
If someone robs Peter to pay Paul, they have poor money management skills.
@ Yes, but she also loved “outsmarting” the system. I actually live well below the poverty level on a fixed income. I don’t like the feeling of impending eviction so I make sure to pay my rent first. For me, it’s not a game.
It always ends up them telling you that you have a tendancy to take things to sensitive
I’ve noticed your occasional grumpiness. Dr. Ramani. It makes me smile. It makes me feel somehow akin to you, even though we’ve never met and are not likely to, unless I can get the money together for both a plane ticket and one of your retreats. Doesn’t matter, because, although I would like to meet you in person, I feel a connection. ❤
Thank you Dr. Ramani. It is like the narcissist is so full of ego, they become self-deluded. That you mentioned them saying when something happens good for them, they say why can’t you be happy for me. Though they have gaslighted, and play mind games with you.
When they tell you, your remembering things wrong, they didn’t do anything. Priceless!
My mom favourite phrase is”what should I say then?I have this this and this ” when she hears any bad news that is not about her. She even said that to a widow at a funeral once, yea your husband is dead but what about my misery? Another thing is “why do you do this to me?!” Even when it’s something out of your control like a disease or an accident. The sharing your issues with strangers without consent bit is such a pattern with them.
The “sharing your issues without consent” thing is how I learned how to tell neither of my parents anything
So true…. once my narc sister-in-law said, “I’m a *very* kind person!” …speaking about HERSELF, all while screaming at me lol 😀