Thinking of confronting a narcissist? Watch this first
Thinking of calling out a narcissist in public? Before you do, find out what really happens when you try to hold them accountable. From smear campaigns to revenge plots, this video reveals the fallout no one warns you about.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Better not confront for our own safety. Ignore and leave from the scene..
Absolutely, your safety has to come first, always. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is not engage, just quietly protect your peace and walk away. Not every battle is worth fighting, especially with someone who thrives on chaos.
Particularly true when they’ve been violent or destructive before. These people are disturbed and unpredictable, and one only needs to look at the murder rate of women in the US whose killers were not strangers in the strictest sense. These guys were dating partners, boyfriends or husbands who couldn’t cope with the real or perceived loss of control over their charade.
Whenever I confront a narcissist, they are masters at justifying their actions to where they DARVO and make you feel like you are the one that’s in the wrong and you end up apologizing for confronting them.
Yup, my mother darvo’d me, I was so shocked. I’m not jealous or vindictive, apparently she is!
It’s wild how quickly they flip the script and suddenly you’re the one apologizing. It’s emotionally exhausting, and it really messes with your sense of reality. You’re not alone in that at all.
@DoctorRamani it’s bizarre and it threw me off guard, I was so shocked. I’ve lived in betrayal blindness a looooooong time ✌️
The one time I asked my mom to simply speak to me in a normal tone instead of yelling, she called all our relatives and mutual friends to tell them how selfish and unreasonable I was for placing such expectations on her
I am sorry you experienced that. I can relate with my family. It’s super upsetting. I’ve tried similar things with some family members but they won’t take accountability nor change. Stepping back, disengaging and focusing on myself. We know the truth ❤
I made the huge mistake of at the time at ill thinking my mother was normal and loved me. We were talking and a he said my nan was vulnerable, this is true she was in a vulnerable situation. I too have been in a similar situation which my mother knows. I said I thought she was vulnerable too because in my mind I was still seeing my father as the aggressor, her and me as the victims, especially since she didn’t protect me and I still believed it was because she just couldn’t and thatsnwhy she placated him AND had me do the same! Well the 💩 hit the fan. She waited and waited until I was feeling really bad about my health (an ongoing awful issue im stuck with), she saw her chance and called me weak and told me how painful surgery would be. I was so shocked! I couldn’t believe she could be so nasty, then I started to remember every time she has been like this. She is like this with other people as well, she doesn’t let anything go and takes everything as a personal slight! I thought we were close and could talk honestly, now I know my whole life believing her is a lie. She has accused me of all sorts of stuff when im at my lowest point. When I asked for validation and empty, she ranted “I can’t do that, can’t you just be happy with what I do, do”. No I cannot.
@@ginag2375omg are you my sibling? That’s my mother’s favorite line😆
@@morganinwanderland hahaha aww I’m sorry 🤪 it’s such a wall to actually understanding the other person. Funny she says that too.
My husband and I confronted his sister this week privately due to relentless family dysfunction. We were suspicious she may be a covert narc so thought we may be going into the lions den. Holy sh*t that lion was big.
Good one.
@@paintandpetunia3662 Unexpectedly big!
I often got involved in chaos when pointing them out. 😅 It was a wrong idea to expect them to accept what I said. 😰
My living situation has been messy 😵💫
Had to cut off an ex-best friend/ roommate with narcissistic traits, and she went full smear campaign at MY job. I didn’t gossip or retaliate, just told the flying monkeys, “If there’s a problem, she knows how to reach me.”
I set boundaries, stayed calm… and suddenly? Silence. Peace.
Meanwhile, my roommate kept talking about me for months until the same people came back around like, “Maybe we had the wrong idea.”
Lesson? Don’t react. Don’t defend. Don’t explain. Just say you’re not engaging in rumors and you’re open to a real convo. If they yell, set another boundary. “I feel like you’re getting emotional/ worked up, take some time to process this and I’ll be here when you can have a normal conversation. ”
It gets better. Promise.
I finally stood up to a sibling after years of abuse and showed the family what they’d said to me. I knew there’d be fallout, and now I’ve been met with silence for five years. I offered peace three times—they refused, then blamed me for not trying. I didn’t want revenge, just for them to feel a fraction of what I’ve carried my whole life.
Don’t give them peace. It only yeilds to their toxic narrative that you are the problem. Live with your own peace because at the end of the day, they’ll have to live with their own chaos
Maybe getting shut out from your toxic family is doing you a favor. A chosen family might be more supportive and emotionally healthy for you. This is what I have done, and it is better
Enjoy the silence, because relationships are about relating ….🙏🏻
PLEASE DO NOT FORGET…. if you are with a narcissist, and you have been with them for any length of time… You more than likely live in THEIR world. Their world of enablers and people who not just rationalize their misbehaviors, they justify and glorify it. Narcissist are professionals when it comes to making sure they only keep people around them who play by their rules. I had to learn the hard way that when I tried to expose the narcissist, all it did was destroy my perception and my reality even more. Remember, a narcissist main goal is to make you mistrust yourself and your own judgment. That’s what gaslighting is.
Go make another world, with new people and rules that aren’t crazy. It’s not worth it to try and call a narcissist out in their own world. You will be the one who gets hurt.
Gosh I felt this so viscerally.
@ peace and love to you… if you felt it that means you know the experience… I’m sorry
@ Bless you. If you can explain it so well, you also know the experience and I’m sorry too x
@@The_Viking_Highlander I’m sending you all the healing and wealth the universe and beyond can offer 🙏
❤blessings upon blessings ❤upon blessings
Been there, went through hell, I wouldn’t say its’ a long game, they’re just impulsive and hold onto that anger, near enough forever.
They also hate it when you don’t react. My narcissistic sibling is still doing all of these things even though I have kept my mouth shut.
@Rachel299 so true
@Rachel299 Mine too, but I’ve stopped caring.
I’m not after revenge. I’m after a legal precident.
@@xXNoMoralzXx are you actually litigating something?
It’s a waste if time calling out a narcissist. They don’t care, and they will only either explode or plan to sabotage you later. Just get as far from them as possible.
You’re totally right that confronting a narcissist often backfires. They rarely reflect or change, and it can put you in more danger. Safety first. Sometimes silence and distance are the strongest responses.
@DoctorRamani so true! No reaction to them is indeed saying something that they have no way to twist on you.
I say surround yourself as much as you can with good, positive people. Leave the toxic ones behind if at all possible, or limit contact.
My father turned my four brothers against my sister and me. Kept our mother from us also as punishment. She died recently and he is now hoovering!! Trying to make us contact him to give us some of her jewelry. Acting like it was my mother that was the problem. Brothers did nothing to help my mother or us because of inheritance. Everything you are saying, we have experienced. He is 93 and shows no signs of stopping.
I often wonder what it would be like to call out my narcissistic brother. I’ve gone no contact, almost 2 years now. But then I realize he has absolutely no feelings for me at all. He told me once I had nothing to offer him or his family just because I live out in the country. It would mean nothing. He doesn’t even know why I cut him out of my life. He just texted me “WTF”. I texted back “think long and hard about it and then get back to me. It’s been a long time coming and I’m tired.” Nothing since. I’m still working on getting over it. I have a therapist.
They live off you getting nervous or anxious or angry. And you just got to not be around them. And disappear 🫥
Yup, keeping you in those states makes you easier to manipulate, pathologise and look bad.
In my experiences the narcs rarely get consequences, it’s maddening. I have learnt that my consequence for them is removing them from my life, they don’t get access to me. Others don’t get it and think I’m being unforgiving and unfair, but my health matters and I will protect myself. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The only one you should forgive is yourself, for wasting years oF your life in the presence of this putrid people. You owe forgiveness to no one! Forgiveness is earned, should never be given freely!
100% my experience as well.
Narcs get lots of consequences. You just have to know what to look for to realize they’re getting what they deserve. The first consequence the narc gets is being a narc. The narc made certain choices to be a narc and that’s a punishment that last for their entire life. Many times the consequences of the narc don’t come until 10+ years of abusing people. I’ve seen many arrogant, proud, and narcissistic managers I had at work end up getting fired, but it took 10+ years for it to happen. One of them crashed his car into a tree on the way to work and broke a rib and lost an eye(I’d say that’s a consequence). My narc parents are now mostly all alone because most of their children don’t talk to them and they’re elderly(being elderly is purgatory for a narc).
@@rwdchannel2901after a lifetime of pushing everyone away, they end up alone in the end. Their comeuppance happens decades down the road when they are too old and antagonistic to reel anyone else in.
I wouldn’t wish my ex’s inner turmoil and future solitude on my worst enemy.
My health was so bad, I had to prioritize myself or die. Narc are so evil they literally drain those around them.
The narcissist will always be willing to do a lot worse things than you’re willing to to hurt you
Not true , I would be prepared to unalive my father in a physical confrontation….if that’s what it took to stop the generational trauma…..no contact for one year now , but I am prepared for war should he ever try me on ,one on one.
PTSD is real, after my heart was shattered into pieces by the one who claimed we will be together forever. I drank myself to sleep every day for 3 months, I am 2 weeks sober now, and i joined a study group. The painful part is, I still love him. He did keep his words as he said he will never date or marry anyone else. we have been together since high school. My heart still aches.
I am terribly sorry to hear this, and trust me i know what you are going through, loosing someone you love is always tough, sometimes you blame yourself even when you are not the problem, i have been there, and it wasn’t easy, but i did all i could to get her back, so I watched a lot of you tube videos especially coach Stephan speaks, Matthew Hussey, Courtney Ryan, Alexander grace and Doctor Ramani. I also used the services of a spiritual counsellor as well.
oh wow?? how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do I reach him or her any tips?
Her name is Shelly Renee white, and she is a great spiritual counsellor.
Thank you so much, i will give her a try, i searched her name on youtube but found her website online, once again, thank you.
❤success ❤ will dive into this one : ) best of all the blessed to every heart ❤
Narcissists also seem to live forever since it takes inner peace to surrender into death. This can be devastating to family and caregivers.
Wow, that’s a good point. I think that is true in some cases, but I know a grandiose narc. who committed suicide in his late 40’s. He was a serial adulterer & had 4 children w/ his wife. He was living a double life – went to church, even tithed, but having affairs on the side. Suicide was his end. What’s scary, is that he was my covert narc. husband’s best friend.
I’m haunted by the thought of spending the latter part of my life caring for someone whose presence reawakens my deepest trauma
@g_carr I understand. I have the same fear. I also fear the low quality care I would get from him as he’s already proven in some past situations when I needed him.
My Dad is a Narcissist instead of engaging with his baiting toxic behavior I just use grey rock and he can’t stand it.
Well done, you! ❤ keep it up.
@turnbacktime65 Thank You! ❤️😊
Their escalation knows no bounds. It is war; while you were trying to repair the relationship and make peace. If it escalates to its conclusion, they will have crossed boundaries your human decency will not allow you to cross.
The thing that I never realized was that while us normal people are building their careers, working on their marriage and raising kids, narcissists spend their ENTIRE life building up their little “Kingdom” of flying monkeys, a “respectable” reputation, and plausible deniability for anything and everything that they could be accused of. What a sad, bizarre existence.
😮😢twisted
I agree. I’m 68 and note my sister neve grew beyond the age of 10. She got married right out of high school and she and hubby haave lived on mom’s property for the past 45 years.she has raged at me my whole life. Two Mountbatten later a long text telling me she would keep m9m from me, (Control). But ifi can’t believe anything she says, oh well.i broke ties last May, like cutting out a boil. I don’t recommend this to eceryone.
My blessed father would turn over in his grave!😢
@@shareenbornemann9126 i’m sorry you went through that.