THIS is the RIGHT reason to stay with a narcissist
Some people stay in narcissistic relationships not for love, but for the structure—the home, the family traditions, the financial stability, the sense of belonging. When you let go of the hope for deep connection and intimacy, the question becomes: is the structure enough? For some, it is. For others, seeing the relationship clearly makes staying unbearable. Let’s talk about what this really means and how to make peace with your own choice.
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
The right reason to stay with a narcissist is if they are genuinely making changes and trying to be better. Especially if they’re having therapy and you have children together. But even then, be careful and protect yourself from emotional harm.
If they are trying then they arent a narcissist. Narcissists do not have any self awareness, at all.
I tried that for 16 years and ended up loosing everything’ kicked out on the street’ she used the kids as ammunition against me to do so then suede me for an ungodly amount of child support and back child support’ lied to the court and told them I had not payed anything towards supporting my kids for 3 years’ $98.000.00 in back child support’ lost an auto body shop business of 18 years’ my way of making a living’ kicked out on the street broke from paying attorneys and homeless’ she moved out of state’ didn’t get to see my 2 daughters for 7 years until I was able to get her back in court and she was found guilty of mental and physical and mental abuse’ she was court ordered to take anger management classes and did not comply’ always blaming others. got custody of my girls’ they were traumatized’ no self esteem’ no self worth’ anxiety ‘ depression’vulnerable from her abuse and now 27 years later as adults with kids of their own they are still suffering from that abuse from making wrong decisions and their kids are suffering also.She still blames me and the kids…leart behavior blame me’ A narcissist never changes never.
Never trust a narc
My comment got deleted..
again’ NEVER TRUST A NARCISSIST THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE NEVER.
I wish I could give you a million thumbs up on your comment jenny since my comments keep getting deleted.
This is so helpful and explains why so many have difficulty leaving. There is a wonderful book called
Too good to leave, too bad to stay that truly helps with that decision and helps you evaluate your unique situation and compares statistically
with others who stayed or left in similar circumstances. It’s amazing and so helpful.
Doc your information and clarity is so incredibly important and appreciated.
Thank you for the recommendation, I will DEFINITELY check that book out🫶
I have that book — it’s worth every dollar it cost!! It really helped me, actually mainly because I finally felt understood, and because I realized that others were in this predicament as well. But this video helps me as well, because it validates my reasons for deciding on a separation, not a divorce.. Living in separate quarters takes a lot of the stress out of being married with a narcissist. I‘m so thankful that we can afford it, albeit me having to downsize a lot and give up on a lot of things I thrived on, such as my beloved garden and my piano, which my husband was happy to grab for himself, although he doesn‘t garden or play the piano…Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for addressing this topic!! I really appreciate it! Those words „Radical Acceptance“ keep popping up in your videos and they have become my mantra 🙂 . Radical acceptance makes it much easier for me to stay strong and feel okay about myself when enablers admonish me to „be kinder to him“ and to „forgive him and move on“, etc, etc. I just smile and keep my mouth shut. It‘s useless to argue with people who have never been in a situation like this.
Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you—to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.
Be all those things for yourself.
It’s a process to get there. I chose to forgive my abusers, after I understood what I was forgiving them for. Then, anger and grief, finally compassion and forgiveness.
❤March is here, a fresh start. Let’s embrace God’s renewal in our lives, trusting Him to make all things new. Share what you are trusting God for this month.
Trusting God for secure attachment, perfect attunement, comforting mirroring, joyous encouragement, all needs met for our growth by our loving Father.
@doctorramani❤ for understanding and for everything we say THANK YOU! We need you❤
@doctorramani❤ only you are my HOPE—on YouTube❤ try and try again to understand me O please 🥺
Totally what I needed to hear right now. Thank you ❤
How much will one sell their heart and soul for the type of “scaffolding and structure” mentioned to stay, while the underlying treatment is horrible and demoralizing???
To me that is not living a full life , but merely existing. Pretending to be “happy”, when the fungus is eating one inside??
Of course, everyone has their own situation and decision to figure out.
Being true to myself, I walked away from narcissistic relationships, family and non family. I would rather have my own identity, individuality, and Self Love to live a life full of love, joy, and everything else in healthy ways, than stay in a narcissistic relationship of any kind.
Being true to myself is the best decision to ever make…and I never looked back. ❤
My sister and I are the only ones left and are both alone, my sister was diagnosed with cancer, she lives in a different state, I supported her with calls, gifts, cards etc. Part of me knew and somewhat accepted it would not change the dynamic of our relationship, it did not. Some days I am OK with it while others not so much. I console myself by knowing I did the right sisterly thing regardless of the outcome. I realized radical acceptance is a day to day process, some days are easier than others.
The more self aware you get the more you find out that pathological narcs are impossible to be with…narc ‘awareness’ is only how to learn how to squeeze more supply out of you…narcs simply put are not good, loving and sincere human beings but empty vessels…its heartbreaking to have a child with a disturbed narcissist
Good video, this perspective is helpful to me. Thank you.
After having to make the horrible and painful decision to move back in with my parents, including my covert narcissist mom, this was so important for me to hear. I came for economic safety the structure gives to me and my son as we try to find ways to create our own economic safety. We have created as many boundaries as we can and I am almost at the point of being able to fully let go of wanting my mothers love as I now see so clearly she loves no one, especially herself.
Your son sounds lucky to have you! I have children and a narcissistic mother and being in a situation where I’m forced to depend on her for economic safety is a fear of mine. You can do it! Keep working hard and keep working smart and you and your (REAL) family–that is to say, you and your kid–will have your freedom again ❤
Brilliant. The title immediately got my attention because everyone is selling that getting out is the only solution. But I didn’t hear what specifically is the right reason to stay. Is it any reason done with complete clarity and radical acceptance?
I know that ethically this shouldn’t be your primary purpose for the channel, but your videos are so incredibly helpful to speak for me and place the right words to my experience. Ironically I’ve been a therapist for quite some time but I can’t explain the tectonic plate C change as well as you can when it pertains to my situation
She’s priceless.
I find my psychopathic narcissist only changes a behavior is if I threaten to take something from him, he dearly treasures – and that I can control– and it is Not myself.
People don’t change.
Their behaviours might change. Their POV might change. Their algorithms might change, and still They do not.
People are only changed by external forces.
Thing is…. Choosing to age with narc is terrifying , all your scaffolding will go down the drain when you might become inconvenient barrier when you would get any medical diagnosis. Build your life without them! Give yourself a chance. Don’t make choices based on fear.
I believe all humans have a soul and our dilemmas can be resolved on a spiritual level, with competent, compassionate, and nuanced therapy. For one thing, as mentioned, narcissism is on a spectrum, and many other variables are, as well.
They can but that doesn’t mean they will. The problem is that often, people will stay in an abusive relationships because they think “(s)he can change”. And I agree that s(he) CAN change but people who abuse usually *choose* to not change because they’ve *decided* that putting themselves first is what they’d rather have.
That’s why the changes are often superficial: because they’re only motivated to change the minimum amount in order to not have negative consequences come upon them
Dr.Ramani, as you stated,”we rarely get the life we want we get the life we get.” And while this is true, it is my belief that being in a narcissistic relationship can be a defining moment for not accepting that situation as the life we get but using our strengths to get the life we want by existing that tumultuous situation for the sake of our sanity.
SO REFRESHING to hear someone acknowledge that sometimes it’s better to stay. Victims of abuse are often treated like broken and brainwashed idiots, yet the victim is often the one who is best capable of making the right decision for themselves
I just want to play this video again and again. Radical Acceptance, clear on what need are meeting. Everyone is different.