Toxic words narcissistic parents use to control you
Toxic parents often hide behind manipulative phrases that keep you trapped in guilt, shame, and confusion. In this video, Dr. Ramani breaks down the most common narcissistic phrases—like "Blood is thicker than water" and "Can you just do it for me?"—and reveals how they’re used to control you. If you’ve ever questioned your boundaries or felt obligated to maintain unhealthy family ties, this is for you. Learn how to recognize the manipulation and reclaim your peace.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do ❤
I was an unwanted child to begin with so I’ve always been viewed as an invasive family member. I didn’t ask for this. 😣 Thank you Dr. Ramani. This is the only space I find any validation ✅😌 💜💚💙
I have that relationship in my family of origin as well. Just build your own family. Find people who love when you are happy and support and comfort you when you are sad.Those are friends worth their weight in gold.
❤❤❤ Love from Germany❤
My family are not too awful but they don’t see the abuse I suffered.
Blood is thicker than water is an incomplete and enabling phrase. the real phrase is:
From wikipedia:
he blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This phrase means that the bonds formed by shared experiences, like those in battle or through chosen relationships (the covenant), are stronger than the bonds of family (the water of the womb)
I did not know this. Thanks. Definitely an enabling phrase.
True 👍 ❤
Most people won’t know the entire quote. That’s why it is easy to use to produce guilt in a narcissistic family. Thank you for providing the entire quote. Blessings 😇 😊
People literally get this quote backwards. Inaccurate information can be more dangerous than no information at all!
yes..
Even we like to believe that the family is better than strangers and even we fall for it at first.@@gee_emm
I get the craziest looks when i say things like, “if i won’t accept behaviors from a stranger, i’m definitely NOT taking it off family!” Family has been the most damaging in my life.
Me too!!!
Me too.😢
I was also repeatedly told that I was a bad judge of character, but I was like seven years old. It’s not my job to Judge character yet.
If we judge, judge actions. If actions aren’t safe for you, you don’t belong there.
Thank you. I will listen to my instincts. When I feel unsafe or uncomfortable and the person calls me names. Time to leave. 😊
It’s crazy because a lot of religious groups (cults) use these techniques as well, some families can act like cults too. Breaking free from it and the process of individuation can be difficult, being stuck…
i grew up with abandonment issues mostly bcoz of my mother and now im being like a people pleaser attracting narcissists throughout my life.. my whole life has damaged due to her coz i alwys work so hard to get appreciation from her in home and work hard in relationships/ friendships to get appreciation/ validation from friends outside home, they don’t even reciprocate back and i end up so exhausted
Been there, done that 😫
Got all 5 from both parents. These are so manipulative and cruel to children at any age. Why burden your child with guilt and shame? Why antagonize them? Why teach them to be at war with themselves then tell the they are the problem? This is terrible parenting. Shame and guilt need to be placed where they actually belong. On them. My covert father really wounded me with that death dangle. Meanwhile, I am really regretting putting them on a pedestal they most certainly did not deserve for the minimal amount of parenting they did with so much of their children’s help. What a loss.
19:08 My second narc told me when I left that they should have known I would just run because that’s how I ended my previous relationship… I honestly didn’t care what narrative they wanted to use in an attempt to manipulate and guilt trip me. So I said, “Yeah. You got me. That’s my pattern, and you SHOULD have known that I wouldn’t take your BS. So I’m content to leave a dear John and move on. Cry me a river… better yet, play the victim to someone who will buy your story.”
There was no way I was going to prove myself to anyone.. it was hard enough to leave someone who never really existed in the first place. I loved the person they pretended to be, and when I saw who they really were, I was done trying.
We, as narcissistic abuse tolerators (I refuse to call us ‘victims’), spend so much energy trying to prove ourselves to others, and when it’s someone who never deserved that effort… we wind up drained.
Also, they love to say you want to be coddled. Ugh no, they are the ones that need coddling. Exhausting
I have had to tell myself “I’m the problem.” My first steps into radical acceptance. Because of being raised with emotional neglect and gaslighting, which I didn’t realize, I kept making the same relationship mistakes.
Me too ❤
Yeh, the “No one will believe you” predicament causes so much anxiety. I try to avoid being alone with her as much as possible, instead scheduling public outings and shopping trips.
❤Love and Support from Germany ❤
I moved to the other side of the world and and I can testify that my family is still in my head.:) The side effects of toxicity and trauma will probably stay with me forever. Educating myself has definitely helped me to cope, but it will never go away…
I learned that its a reason why business and family don’t mix well when they rip u off or use u they try to get a easy way out we FAMILY
There’s always another step down on the staircase of narcissism, (maybe that’s because it leads all the way to ‘hell’…) I can tell you that the next step down from ‘nobody will believe you’ is * ‘nobody cares’ * The ultimate solution to narcissistic manipulation is self-sufficiency, and while that can take decades to achieve, *the journey* is so worth the effort. Of course, you have to choose the destination (over and over) and you may have to make ‘compromises’ along the way; that’s fine as long as you never lose sight of your goal, (which is independence /self-determination. ) or compromise your *self* , which sounds like a contadiction, but it isn’t. The first question is: ‘Is this safe for me?’ Then: ‘Can I do this and still respect myself?’ Deep down, you know your answers.
Thanks a billion for your lovely message yet again! You are truly beautiful.
I stayed in my first marriage because of my parents comments that I wasn’t mature enough. He was physically violent. When I finally filed for divorce I told my mom that it was because he was hitting me and tried to strangle me. She told me that “maybe I deserved it!” Mom was cruel!
22:10 – 22:30 Exactly! Thank you Dr. Ramani. I realized these people were actually uninterested in my emotions. Which once again, meant that my side of the story did not exist. I had to cut them all off.