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Praying everyone stays safe & warm on this blessed Sunday morning🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you 😊 God bless you too
Walking away from accountability may seem normal but it’s like walking away from integrity too.
Thank you!
I don’t see it as normal.
integrity seems to be staying safe inside and out, while you make a different life. It takes awhile and it feels almost impossible for some people who have this kind of partnership or family. It shouldn’t be impossible, if I won the lottery, or if I were president, I’d make it less impossible for people to leave abuse.
If you had narc parents, all the toxic traits seem normal.
For sure! Feels normal, familiar.
@@cege8693 I had to deflea- the nark learned behaviors!
Yes, that’s why it’s important for us to reprogram our minds❤ prayers to all of us healing from narc parents, it’s not an easy journey but we deserve respect and love ❤❤🙏🏻
Narcissists see themselves as being the normal ones and everyone else is the problem. They never take accountability for their actions and they always see themselves as either the victim or the hero. They make others feel like they’re the ones with issues.
Yup, they believe they are normal, and others are not.
Sadly very true, blessings to everyone 🙏
They also never take responsibility for their words either…’I never said that’! Typical narcissistic excuse, deflection is a big thing with them, just as projection is when they blame others for their own actions!
100% and that’s how they drive you to crazyville. Then they drop you off claiming you are crazy and by that time you definitely feel like you are.
its beyond crazy when dealing with multiple of these folks!!! I look back at old toxic jobs, relationships, church, family… the lightbulb moments are so many & makes sense why I like being solo most of the time & now have autoimmune disorders and lady parts probs
I always wondered why certain people disliked me even though I had always been kind to them. It’s because I now think it’s because I “saw” them even though I didn’t know what I was “seeing”. Looking back, every one of them was a narcissist and they could sense what I was. I know it sounds crazy but the same pattern exists today. I see narcissists. They’re everywhere. Thanks to Dr. Ramani, I know what I’m seeing.
This is sooo true!
@@sparkygump omg 100%
Same. It’s hardest when it’s those related to you. Recognizing certain patterns from one specific person, who has been targeting you since childhood, well into adulthood; and no matter how hard you try to overcompensate with showing them more kindness and trying to make them happy, nothing changes.
You keep trying to make excuses for them in your mind; and for some reason you can’t shake how fearful and uncomfortable you feel around them, wanting to stay away.
And no matter what you do or don’t do, they still continue lashing out at you and trying to turn other members against you behind your back. Becoming more lonely.
And all this time never knowing why it’s happening, until finally being able to make a little sense of it from those like Dr. Ramani.
It could also be projection
@Wildtidesandtales how so?
If I ever made a preference known, I Always got the opposite of what I wanted.
If I ever wanted something done I understood it would never happen so I’ve done everything myself (of course whatever I was allowed to do) His way of solving a problem was/has always been “If you don’t like it leave!”
This. If I ever try to bring it up and have a normal conversation about it, I get attacked, insulted, belittled and reminded of all past wrongs. Then when I try to walk away for the sake of my peace, it’s nice words and fake apologies. I’m tired now. It’s been 11 years of this and I’m finally over it all. I hope we can both leave and have the life we deserve. 😢
my husband always did this even for something as simple as the store. he makes a show of asking if we need anything, then if you say “paper towels”, he’ll tramp through the apartment in his boots to ‘see for himself’ there are like 5 left on the roll, then tell me I’m wrong and leave.
Relatable
Oh my! Those are the 2 traits I live witth on a regular basis. Raging,yelling or the silent treatment. Then you walk on eggs shells on the daily and you stuff down your own feelings in order to survive. And somehow, in the midst of all of this, You lose your spirit & your spontaneity. In essence, you lose yourself.
Wow, you’ve just described my feelings for so long. In my case, it was a narcisistic friend. It got to a point I could not have fun with anyone else, I could not speak my mind. If we are with other friends and she noticed I was the center of attention for 1 second, she would belittle and humiliate me. I’ve cried so many times over this. I will never accept this again.
Lose the narc and find yourself.
Little by little.
Overtalking is not a healthy trait for a relationship either. That is invalidating big time esp when the narcissist tries to be the big shot in the conversations, ALL of the conversations!! Its not just gaslighting or manipulating, but disrespecting and belittling too. Plus, it is debilitating to the empath 100% and the narc knows what the empath has been thru in previous relationships. It is impossble to get a word in edgewise, so, we stop talking about anything and everything. In those instances and relationships, silence is Golden!! Peace of mind is imperative for survival!!
Thank you for discussing this topic. We need more conversations about society’s definition of “toxic”. From a holistic perspective even the narcissist can legitimately claim “toxicity” when we don’t conform to their expectations.
Yes I have a narcissist gaslighting me which is identical to a narcissist who gaslighted me 11 years ago! I overreacted and was the one in the wrong! This time it’s a different deal. Both are thief’s.
They claim a lot of things.
47 nearly 48 and FINALLY addressing the fact I was raised by two…..It is such profound validation to watch these and realize I am not the crazy one…but the family scapegoated and my suicide attempt at 17 is still utilized against me as “she’s unstable and unwell”. My parents have this narrative down so pact; they were able to convince an entire family circle to keep medical history and procedures hidden from me……special dysfunctional family doesn’t even glean the cube on this one.
I hear that. Took me til 47 too. Wondering what’s wrong for so long…
@@SteelBikesRock we were trained to be one way. Then we reach mid life and we reach a limit I’m not sure why then and not earlier or later. But it happens and we have big decisions to make
37 here. Anxious and depressed. Poor sleep. Thinking of suicide too.
When I was 47 years old I went no contact with my narcissistic father, mother and siblings. I am now 68 years old and it has the best decision ever. I wish you luck and hope you can find peace.
A customer admired the intelligence of the man working at the fish market.
He asked “how did you get so smart, Mr. Green?”
He replied “I eat fish heads, $4 a piece”.
The customer buys 3, a week later he comes back complaining that they’re disgusting and I don’t feel any smarter.
He tells him “you didn’t eat enough”.
The customer buys 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.
Hey, Mr. Green, he says, ” I’m not smarter and now that I think about it, you’re selling me fish heads for $4 a piece when I can buy the whole fish for $2, you’re ripping me off”.
“You see?” says Mr. Green, “you’re getting smarter all ready!”. 😅😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@SylPaperworksits funny. Cmon dont overblow it. Blow it regularly
😂😂😂@leonasweny1525
Lol.
Old Jewish joke 😂😂
Before I learned any of this I made a crucial mistake. My sister would come to visit. When we were alone she did not speak to me (for example when we were driving) but then she would be chatty with people we encountered. I made the mistake of saying I wish you would treat me like you do other people. Anyone reading this can guess how that went. Now at least I have a word for it – narcissistic rage. Afterwards she acted like it was no big deal, I cowered for the remaining time she visited.
Side note. She did this to me on her next visit. I never invited her to my home again. Even before I understood what was going on I knew this was not right
Yep, you “saw” her (before you even understood what you were seeing), and this infuriated her!
Isn’t it a good think they don’t speak. I wish my narc husband just do things without complaining or making an issue of something. I miss the silence so much
I’m at the point where nothing makes this worth it. Why is a relationship that important. I no longer believe in love. I suppose I’m supposed to, but where’s the proof? I see one thing, and I’m supposed to see something else. I’m told there’s something wrong with me if I’m alone, not being lied to, not being manipulated. I’ve been there already. It’s all predictable and boring now. I don’t need church’s or cults, political parties, or fake anything else. The most wonderful thing that ever happened to me was being discarded by narcissists. So thank you to all of them. I only saw some of what was happening by my own experiences and observations. But there are others like Dr. Ramani who collect and share. And thank you to all of them. Their eyes and minds have given me an even bigger range of seeing without me having to repete things again. Now for a new worthwhile direction. Our souls simply can’t be an accident. I suspect a purpose.
Church is about not putting your faith in man. Your feelings are likely accurate…you just haven’t separated yourself from it, you’re still reacting to it. Develop your sense of right/wrong in relationship to others, you are likely alot more correct than you know…go heal.
I don’t believe in love anymore due to the narcissistic abuse.
God help me! I need prayers! I didn’t realize I was with a narcissist until it was to late. I’m struggling every day. I’m mentally exhausted. I didn’t even thing that this even existed! I thought for 6 years that something was wrong with me. Now I’m married to this man & he is alcoholic as well. I have been trying for the past 2 years to make me a safety net because I unfortunately rely on his $. He doesn’t allow me to work. Or hasn’t. I’m hopefully getting a job soon. I have applied. I wish the courts would see that this is mentally unacceptable! I’m glad I know that it is being done to me now & im not questioning myself. I would rather stand toe to toe with Mike Tyson than to go through this. I don’t engage when he starts beating his chest & barking, I remove myself from the room. It doesn’t stop the pain of loneliness that a marriage like this takes on your heart, mind , soul is physically sickening. I’m glad I found you! I’m trying to get out
Could you perhaps move in with a friend until you get a job and become more financially stable?
You should also consider contacting the ACLU in your area if there is one or some other women advocacy and help center for guidance and support.
I wish you the best.
❤️
🩷🙏 I am sorry for your situation.
🩷💪 Grateful that you are aware of what you are caught up in.
🩷 Please get planning information to Escape from a Domestic Violence Organization.
😭 Leaving 🔥Causes a 🔥Severe Injury to the Individual that you’re escaping from…🔥😭🔥 Please get your plan together 🩷Carefully & Stay Alive! Go to a library & use the computers. All Electronics & your car probably have Trackers. 🩷🙏🩷 Blessings for Strength & Love! 💞💞💞
Keep saving, and researching. I understand. ❤🙏
I live in Knoxville tn & there are not many places or resources to help mentally abused people. They offer an order of protection. It doesn’t help. I often thought if my scars could be seen would everyone see that I need help? I’m struggling because I’m in the position of how did I let myself get into this mess? I am a strong independent woman my whole life. Now I’m trying to get my life back. I’m just learning that leaving a narcissist is even harder than being with one. I’m trying to stay mentally & spiritually positive. It’s very hard & I pray that this message gets to the right people before they’re 9 years in. I’ve beat myself to death questioning everything about my own feelings about things. This ugliness in people should be against the law!
Absolutely! Also, sometimes if they don’t rage, they act like a toddler by having a weird tantrum.
Please note that a narcissist fishes you out. They will interview you, test you, and once they know you’re a good source of validation and they can use you, that’s when the love bombing starts.
In the workplace, similar things happen. They get to know you, verify, and after being sure, they show you who they are truly by being absolutely disgusting to you or overly nice to get something from you. They will rinse snd repeat until they squeezed everything they can from you or until you realize what is going on and put up a barrier.
Yes, this is exactly what they do! Like Dr Ramani said, when they ask lots of questions and listen intently, it seem like they really care. Yeah, they care all right! They care about getting all the information about you they can use to their advantage later on. And the testing! When I look back, I can see how he tested me little by little, to see what I would accept, and how far he could go.
I’m a lot smarter now, and hopefully I won’t fall for these tactics again! I am much more careful about what information I divulge about myself, and when. I am learning to take getting to know someone and relationships very slowly now! I didn’t even know about “love bombing” before, but now I do.
Being with a Narcissist leaves you emotionally drained to the point that you wish you were dead, because you feel dead inside .im on the road to healing and I’m stronger because of it .i won’t let another person have that power over me ever again
Congratulations on recognizing who you were crested to be And You Are a good person. I wish you well on your journey
Never allow someone else to determine my worth
Love is a choice
Anytime I brought up an issue caused by the Narcissist they took zero accountability and blamed me for feeling a certain way, emotional abuse was truly exhausting.
Oh goodness that’s me! What a blessing when you eventually learn about ‘righteous anger’, explore it, learn to express it and give yourself permission to just go for it. Nothing to lose if folks are toxic, the loss is theirs.
I 100% agree with OmniTarget13, “Narcissists see themselves as being the normal ones and everyone else is the problem. They never take accountability for their actions and they always see themselves as either the victim or the hero. They make others feel like they’re the ones with issues.” Thanks, Dr. Ramani.