What “It Ends With Us” gets WRONG about ABUSE
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It would NOT have been that calm, and the cooperation would NOT have been there at the end. It would have been hell.
The movie lost me at the same time. We live in such fear during the relationship, upon trying to exit, and for years thereafter. Especially if your perpetrator isnt locked up as they should be!! No way in hell, would any woman tell her abuser its over, while hes holding their newborn, or while a child is even in the room. Never, would you put your childs life at risk, also. There usually isnt a “prince charming” there to rescue you, like a fairy-tale…
This is true!
She told him she wanted a divorce while he was holding the baby????? Holy hell what a metaphor that proves nothing ended with them.
Even a serial killer doesn’t kill someone every day. It took me attending 1 meeting of a group of domestic violence survivors made me leave for good and not look back
Every time I left, my family sent me back to my successful, incredibly fit handsome ex. People made me feel like I wasn’t going to do better or that it wasn’t as bad as it appeared that all relationships have problems and I always went back. I finally got away, but it took a lot.
I tried to leave and went to my mom’s house, and she let him in when I was hiding in the back. She also would pretend to hang up on him and let him listen to our conversations.
@@ericawarrenWhoa. So sorry!
😢@@ericawarren
But you’re out now, so you’re a winner. Stay safe and have peace ❤
@ericawarren she’s a flying monkey. This reminds me of the Tina Turner movie, when her husband buys her mum a house, so now the mum has HIS back
Spot on Dr Ramani. The support is everything. The lack of support, financial and kids and continuous abuse both physical and mental by the ex make it nearly impossible to leave safely
Spot on doctor R
you never fail us❤
Spot on. It took me years and a very strong restraining order that took three tries in court to get to finally leave for good. He became violent and had refused to leave before I got the move out order. Since the violence was only towards furniture and not me within 180 days of the court hearing, it took a lot of convincing for the judge to make a decision. I had cameras set up all around the house which I used as evidence. Both of my parents discouraged and even guilted me for leaving. I was unemployed at the time. Thankfully, I was also almost 5 years sober and had built a strong support system around me and my kids. I already had full custody since we were already divorced a few years prior and he didn’t have a leg to stand on. It didn’t matter that his family was against me because I had already moved away from them. Leaving an abuser is a terrifying battle. There really needs to be more legitimate counseling and support available.
Real truth and honesty of the BS out there. Great review. Need more of this!
So true!! Im in a homeless shelter, long story short. I wish they would have shown that side of it, also how the mom said she didnt leave because it was easier to stay. I. Wish they would have pointed out the fear of leaving. The times i left my abusers, i had to sneak out and leave when they wernt there. Him and my “mother” were teamed up to send me to the mental institution because i was “crazy.”
I love that you put your point of view on the movie, you hit very good points i completley agree with you. Also, you straight up saved me i think i have watched all of your videos😂 and im finally free! I may be in a homeless shelter- but with your help im finally free. Well physically anyway… still alot of work to do with my therapist to free myself psychologically.
Hello, I read your comment and I want to say ‘Good for you!!” Right on for getting away from the abuser and in a shelter!
I have a friend who’ve been abused by her ex husband for many years. I tried to get her into a women’s shelter and she basically makes tons of excuses not to go to one.
I think you’re amazing for taking that step and saving yourself.
You will thrive.
@@desireedesenna9673 🧡
OMG, you’re OUT! You’re free and safe. Stay away from the abuser, mKe sure no one knows your location. Sending ❤ and stay strong ❤❤❤
You made me cry. I am so happy you made it out! Stay strong! Wish you to find happiness, success, and true love.
I had the same issues with the movie. No raging-narc is going to walk away quietly like the abusive doctor did in this movie. He would have demanded to have custody/visitation with his newborn and tried to force the florist mom to stay with him. The sister would have sided with her damaged brother in real life as well. The movie fell apart for me since it was so unbelievable towards the end.
I suspect they just needed a happy ending
@@AlissaSss23, or they didn’t have much time and money to make a happy ending but the right way. It supposed to be a series to make it realistic.
I loathed that movie. They left out all of the important stuff like his gaslighting, devaluing, and silent treatments, just to name a few. Agreed that they nailed love bombing. I think it did a great disservice to narcissistic abuse survivor’s that don’t have physical marks. Also, her successfully leaving the first time annoyed me. Not everyone has a hot unicorn dude to help her. Not to mention the money, successful business, and friend and family support. Finally, the sad story that validates the abuser and martyrs him. The final scene is such BS it made me scream at my TV! terrible movie for DOMESTIC ABUSE PURE FICTION!- 33 year survivor
I haven’t seen the movie. I don’t know if I want to but I found the book extremely well written, if unrealistic with the support Lily has to get out.
me 2 ,hate it
I cannot stomach a Blake Lively movie, but based on what you said, it sounds like this may have somewhat romanticized what it’s like to be a survivor, maybe even something like a subtle 50-shades of grey. Sometimes it seems like Hollywood should just stop trying to speak for survivors.
“Painfully attractive.” Good description!
To all those wanting to leave a toxic relationship. DO NOT TELL THEM BEFORE HAND. Sounds like a crap movie.
That end scene was like, “see you just need to talk with your partner and set boundaries and you won’t be abused”. Sooooo easy, and I was like yeah in an movie perhaps but not real life 😠
Yes I felt the ending was unrealistic.
I hated it too. I turned to my mom at the end and said this isn’t the end of the movie, this is literally just the beginning. Co-parenting with someone like that is frankly a lifelong nightmare with the child either triangulated in the middle or used as narcissistic fodder
Boom. Exactly
It’s like film makers run out of money and decided to wrap it up with happily ever after ending.
@@DobbysStinkySockI think the second book tackles all of that
This is why when we try to leave we are called shameless and all sort of names. Asked “if it was so bad why did you not just bloody leave.”
This!
But when you try to leave. You get shamed for it
I’ve not seen the film, only one scene (the “what would you tell if it was your daughter” scene and I was done there right away, what a sugarcoated crap), but if I want to remind myself how I felt when I was in an abusive relationship with a narc (including my parent), I revisit the classic movie “Gaslight” with Ingrid Bergman. What an old movie, and what an amazingly and painfully spot on depiction of REAL narcissistic abuse.
Excellent points Dr. Ramani. Narcissistic abuse never ends unless you go no contact. People are mislead by movies. It’s like the movie itself was manipulating its audience to believe these situations can end like this. The movie stirs the ingredients of truths and non truths about narcissism into the batter together to make it seem believable that narcissistic situations can end this way. Nope.
Right! Years after divorcing him I am still waiting for it to end!
Yes just a movie, however so many people feel it as REAL!
Thank you for pointing out the cold hard facts Dr.
My abusive ex made everyone hate me when I left him, he made it up as if I was the problem. I wish I had support when I needed it, but everyone around me just conveniently stepped away from the situation…
I hope you’re feeling safe and have peace now. Best wishes ❤
@ Thank you <3
That happened to me as well.
@trixjoyce, you are a hero! Always remember that!
That is terrible to hear.
I swear to God you told the truth I’m stuck now and I don’t have that support in the movie🙏 God bless you, Dr Ramani I love you❤